Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

“7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” (Page 59, Big Book)

Step Seven is like calling a mechanic to change a tyre, only to have the mechanic turn up, hand me a jack, and give me instructions.

God removes my defects not instead of me but by directing me to believe, think, and do differently.

“Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.” (Page 67, Big Book)

If I were stealing, or engaging in animal cruelty, vandalism, or other manifest wrongs, I would pull myself up short and do something about it.

But, oh how different with fear! How one indulges it!

To class it with stealing is to treat it with the same contempt and impatience, to not put up with it a moment longer.

The same goes for the other chief mental pests:

Resentment, envy, jealousy, grumbling, gloom, contempt, condemnation, cynicism, conceit.

To indulge these is really to be outside the programme, to have not signed up seriously to the overarching principle of living morally, starting with how one occupies one’s mind.

The programme is not something bolted onto a dissolute life, or a dustpan and brush to clean up its worst excesses.

Rather, it is the alternative to such a life.

This means everything, everything, that forms part of that life must go, regardless of my habitual or sentimental attachment to it.

One need not horse-trade over the merits or ills of particular types of belief or thought or mental activity: if they fall within the category of defect, off with their heads.

“Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” (Page 59, Big Book)

Defects, shortcomings, are any occupation of the mind or body that is at odds with God’s will.

They exist as potential and performance.

God does not remove the potential, but he does remove the performance.

How?

He shows us how to occupy our mind and body in accordance with His Will.

This is His role.

Our role is then to do God’s will, in mind and body.

All the direction and power come from Him.

All the work comes from us.

In other words, we are the ones that have to do the stopping of every single defect, and the starting of whatever replaces it.

Condemnation with pity, patience, and tolerance.

Fear with faith.

Gloom with cheerfulness.

Indolence with action.

If a defect has not ‘gone’ it is only ever because I am continuing to perform the defect in mind and body.

God’s direction and strength are not wanting.

It is never a matter of God never having yet removed the defect for reasons unbeknownst to us, of God having withheld His will or strength. That would be mockery. He makes the direction and strength available, permanently.

It’s then all down to me. Will I ask or won’t I? Will I persist or won’t I?

And he only removes the performance: he leaves the potential right where it is, within arm’s reach.

 “I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.” (Page 76, Big Book)

In Step Four, I catalogue my wrong beliefs, thoughts, and behaviour.

That’s putting things in black bin bags.

In Step Five, I share those.

That’s taking out the black bin bags.

God is then the service that collects and disposes of the rubbish.

What’s my role?

So be so thoroughly busy with Steps Eight through Twelve I do not go out and start rummaging through the black bin bags, retrieving all of the trash.

God really does do the removal, but I really do need to keep busy with doing God’s bidding.

“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.” (Page 76, Big Book)

Now, that passage, from the Step Seven prayer, sounds a lot like Step Three.

Step Three is buying the ticket. But there’s further preparation. Steps Four to Six.

Step Seven is boarding the plane.

“And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid.” (Page 62, Big Book)

We ask God to remove defects. Is that it? No. We have to do the work. Is that a contradiction?

No. God is the head chef. He provides the restaurant, the customers, the kitchen, the equipment, the food, the recipes, the direction, the encouragement, the correction, and all other resources and guidance. I’m the kitchen assistant. I have to do the chopping.

Without the chopping, nothing can be made. The chopping is my job.

Guard the beliefs, guard the mind, act right, promptly and well.

Tips from this:

1. “Turn to Him at once.” At once, when? When anything other than God and doing God’s will encroaches on the consciousness.

2. “Never allow anything to remain which is making the dis-peace”. This boils down to any resentment, fear, self-centred thinking, selfish action, dishonesty towards others, scheming, plotting, planning, and self-deception. The responsibility for scouring the pot and leaving it clean lies with me, not with God.

3. “Take every element of disintegration as something to wrestle against, and not to suffer.” In other words, one must not accept anything less than perfect peace and perfect surrender. Disintegration = dis-integration: the splitting apart into conflicting parts.

4. “Beware of allowing self-consciousness to continue”. This extends to all seven areas of self: what others think of me and what I think of me, how others are behaving towards me, my finances, my so-called needs and wants, and the extension of my self-concept into the world. If I’m aware of anything other than God, the task at hand, and those factors that are relevant to either, then I’m in self-consciousness, whatever the apparent subject matter.

5. “Leave others alone”. This might well be in capitals.

6. “He will poise you”. I need only ask. My job is the surrender; God’s is to act on it. 

“we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution” (Page 25, Big Book)

Railway turntables are devices for turning railway stock from one track to another.

Locomotives can be switched from one track to another, e.g. using a railway turntable, but once they’re on a track, that’s the track they’re on, and the destination is unalterable.

When I’m on a God track, I can’t go wrong.

When I’m on a self track, I can’t go right.

Steps Six and Seven are absolute: they represent the turning from one track to another, the self track to the God track.

There are no half measures possible.

“Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.” (Page 64, Big Book)

What we find in Step Four is not us: it is what is blocking us from God. Our defects of character are not what we are but are what we’re not. That’s why we don’t need to counterbalance them with assets to make ourselves feel better. They’re no more who we are than our defects are who we are.

Defects are defective beliefs, thinking, and behaviour. They’re garments. They’re not the body, the substance of the person.

Why can’t we just ‘stop being selfish’?

I become attached to the beliefs, thinking, and behaviour, and start to think, erroneously, they’re me, my identity, the essence of who I am.

This is part of the answer as to why selfishness, once embedded, has such a foothold.

It is also in the nature of selfishness to protect itself. Like a parasite, it incentivises the host through rewards and punishments to refrain from expelling it.

To have selfishness removed, I need to detach from it, or the pain of the removal will cause me to resist the divine removal process.

Detachment is achieved partly through the observation that takes place in Steps Four through Nine.

The observer is not the observed. In becoming the observer, I stop being the observed.

I then see the horror of selfishness for what it is, and selfishness’s wiles have no further hold over me.

The detachment process complete, the removal can take place without great pain to the host.

“If, for instance, I concentrate on being tolerant and kind at all times, with everyone, it will soon become an automatic reaction, no matter how trying the circumstances may be.” (ODAT, 21 June)

I take an ideal and remind myself of it before activating a situation (answering the phone, entering a meeting).

Eventually it becomes second nature.

“But when I am ready to dig in and correct my shortcomings, I will work on only one or two at a time and for as long as it takes to satisfy me that I have made real progress in erasing them.” (18 June, ODAT)

After a week or two of realising I have repeatedly fallen into the same trap, I realise I can do nothing without God.

Then I ask, and God answers, because I have asked on the basis of recognising the abject need.

Daily review of the same parameter until it’s fixed is the only way to get to this point.

“7.  Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” (Page 59, Big Book)

An Al-Anon text on Step Seven refers to “my strengths and my weaknesses”.

The strengths are God-given.

The weaknesses are my character defects.

These are the thinking, speaking, and behaviour patterns that result from consulting the ego rather than consulting God.

I was created by God.

God did not create those defects.

I made them.

But they are not mine.

They do not belong to me.

They were stolen from the darkness.

And the darkness does not exist.

When the light is turned on, the darkness disappears.

“7.  Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” (Page 59, Big Book)

How do defects get removed?

I have to make the decision to think, speak, and act differently.

If I’m saying cruel things, I have to stop saying them.

If I’m interfering, I have to stop interfering.

If I’m frightened, I have to take responsibility for how I respond to the temptations to engage in fear.

How is God involved?

He tells me what to think, say, and act instead.

He gives me the strength to think, speak, and act differently.

This is how God removes my character defects.

“and on that foundation to build stronger, better personalities” (ODAT, 13 May)

My job is to become stronger and better, not change the world.

“Would I stand on the seashore and, like King Canute of the ancient legend, try to command the tides?” (ODAT, 8 April)

I seem to have an inbuilt interest in tides—things I can’t control (others, situations, the world itself).

This is why I leave such matters to others, and stay away from domains of discourse about others, situations, and the world itself.

I have enough to do with this:

“I will devote myself to overcoming my flaws of character and controlling my impulsive words and actions.” (ODAT, 8 April)

Without God I am powerless over my thoughts, words, and actions.

God is the source of direction of power.

With God, control can be acquired of thoughts, words, and actions.

Thus I can bring my small corner in line with God’s will.

... some glum, drunken, disapproving monster ... (Alice Thomas Ellis)

One does not need to be drunk to be glum and disapproving.

These two bookending traits can persist for years, for decades, into recovery and might, arguably, be the two character defects.

If one were not unhappy, if one were not the 'chief critic', the resenter-in-chief, there is little (although not no) ill that could flow.

Resentment is the number one offender precisely because from it flows all else.

Upstream of both glumness and resentment are selfishness.

Cheerfulness and acceptance, are the antidotes.

The upstream antidote is selflessness.

Over thirty-one years ago, I said to Brian, "I don't why I drank again. I was doing so well with the programme."

He said: "You were doing very well, except for the not-drinking part."

Frequently, since then, I've wondered why I was apparently 'slipping' on 'old' behaviours (really current behaviours: if they were really old, there would not be a problem), particularly because I was 'doing so well with the programme'.

I'll tell you why: I was doing very well, except for the changing part.

The Steps won't force me to change. They'll help me change, and cushion the blow. But they won't change me against my will. I have to want to change. No. Scratch that. I have to want to change and be willing to change. Which usually means being willing to go through the pain of keeping my big fat mouth shut and refusing to let certain narratives occupy my mind for more than a nanosecond. 'Who will I be if I let go of all of that?' No one. Nothing. Exactly. That's the whole point of this. Who I appear to be has to go.

How it works is this: I recognise there's a problem and specify it (that's Steps One through Seven). There might be amends, and there will certainly be alternative ways of living in Steps Ten through Twelve that serve as an adequate substitute and distraction whilst I'm withdrawing and running new habits into a groove. But Steps Ten through Twelve (and God) will not force me to stop acting out or start acting well. I have to do that, through gritted teeth. I literally have to pretend to be a different person. God gives me sufficient strength to bear the pain of change but will not change me for me. I have to put my best foot forward. Then I discover that the person I am pretending to be is who I really am.

Here are some things that do not stop unless I stop them, one damn minute at a time:

• Arguing
• Complaining
• Worrying
• Resenting
• Fantasising
• Acting out with food
• Acting out with sex
• Unnecessary criticism
• Manipulation
• Overspending
• Acting on impulse

Here are some things that do not start unless I start them, one damn minute at a time:

• Working (work first, fun later)
• Recording what I spend and keeping within my budget
• Eating properly
• Exercising reasonably
• Fulfilling obligations
• Offering to help in any situation I find myself in
• Positioning myself to help those who are new or in trouble
• Sharing at meetings
• Going for fellowship
• Sponsoring others (whether the relationship is formalised or not)
• Doing service

I'm sure most people could continue these lists.

Everything starts with the desire not to 'be my authentic self' but to be rid of the 'personality' and lifestyle the real me has been hiding behind.

They weren't kidding when they talked about a psychic change.

That was the order. Feel-y, think-y, do-y.

The do-y was all out of whack, apparently because of the feel-y and think-y. The feel-y would come first, and then I'd do think-y, and then I'd do do-y.

"You have a problem with the do-y?

Well, you shouldn't, because it's because of the think-y, and that's because of the feel-y.

And I can't help the feel-y, because the feel-y is what it is. It's a phenomenon.

So get off my back.

Exhibit A?

I'm not really a person. I'm an electrochemical meat product. I'm downstream, experiencing the effects of all the things upstream. The past. Wiring. You.

You want to change my do-y, buster? You'll have to change the past (which you can't). Or my wiring (which you can't). Or you (which you won't). So you'll have to put up with it, see?"

Clancy talks about us thinking we're the tree that's grown all twisted.

Some people say we're always recovering. (We might be but we needn't be.)

Broken. Special. To be taken account of. To be worked around. A vulnerable group (about as vulnerable as Don Juan, Til Eulenspiegel, Alberich, Hagen, Herodias, Salomé, Archimago, Duessa, if you've ever read or heard a Step Five).

I wasn't vulnerable. I was a tornado roaring my way through the lives of others.

I needed to snip the ribbon connecting the feel-y from the think-y and the think-y from the do-y.

I learned: I can change the do-y regardless of the feel-y and regardless of the think-y.

I can also change the think-y regardless of the feel-y.

And I could change-y the do-y and think-y without figuring out who or what spoiled the kitchen. Just clean up the mess, Sylvia.

When I changed the do-y, the think-y and the feel-y changed. When I changed the think-y, the feel-y changed still more.

The history could stay in the history books. Never mind the musty past (Bill's Story). It’s water over the dam. (Chapter Six).

Instead: May you find Him now (Chapter Five).

Clancy would say you've got your oar upside down. Turn it the right way up and row.

I always used to wonder why I was like this or why I was like that.

Belief, thought, or behaviour.

Sometimes I found out.

But I was still left with the same that as I had before.

It was the that that was important.

It was the that that needed to change

Whys don't change thats.

My job was and is to adapt to the world.

Not to adapt the world.

Fear is not a thing that can be removed, like a cabbage from a fridge, a bowler from a cricket team, or a stain from a shirt.

The devil knocks on the door with one or more proposed future events: maybe possible, maybe definite.

He then proposes (a) that I judge these to be negative, i.e. that I disapprove of them, and (b) that I consider them unacceptable in some way, typically because they will cause pain I consider unacceptable or might cause collapse as I will not be able to 'cope'.

Essentially, we have a forecast plus two proposed attitudes: disapproval and non-acceptance.

If I reject the forecast, game over. If accept the forecast but either approve of it or consider it neutral, game over. If I accept the forecast, judge it negatively with disapproval, but accept it fully without resistance, game over.

For there to be a sale of the goods, I must accept all three elements.

Now imagine what I have bought to be a vacuum-cleaner. The vacuum-cleaner creates a noise only if I turn it on and push it around the room.

Fear, as an experience, is turning on the vacuum-cleaner and pushing it round the room.

Does God remove the fear?

God will do for me what I cannot do for myself but God will not do for me what I can do for myself.

What can I do for myself?

• Not answer the door when the devil calls
• Not buy his goods, which means
• Not accepting his forecast
• Not accepting his proposed disapproval
• Not accepting his proposed non-acceptance
• If I buy the goods, dispose of them
• Until I have disposed of them, not activate them
• If I activate them, deactivate them

When I treat my psychological problems as moral problems, I discover there's a spiritual solution, because the spiritual is about first of all right and wrong and secondly about accessing the power to live in accordance with right and wrong. I don't know what the answer is to psychological problems. Mine have seemed impenetrable and refractory to long-term efforts. Even when I've understood the fear is irrational, it can still appear to plague me.

What if my fear were cowardice?

If my anger were retaliatory wrath?

My low self-worth thwarted vanity?

My boredom selfishness?

My apathy callousness?

My sadness self-pity?

My depression self-centredness?

My anxiety ... likewise?

The left-hand side of each pair is regrettable but liveable-with. The right-hand side of each pair not only is offensive but also points the way to the opposite virtues to cultivate with God's help:

• Courage
• Patience and tolerance
• Humility
• Loving action
• Empathy
• Compassion for others
• Self-forgetting

Sometimes I find myself wildly off track.

Here's a simple way to get back on track.

Firstly, list troublesome areas, e.g.

• Sleep
• Diet
• Exercise
• Work
• Spending
• Savings / investments / pension scheme
• Tradition Seven (earning more than spending)
• Being a sponsee
• Being a sponsor

Others might include:

• Marriage
• Sexual 'impurity' (= acting out)
• Housework
• Service at meetings
• Other service
• Relationships with colleagues
• Relationships with friends
• Relationships with parents
• Relationships with children
• Hobbies

God's will is usually no great mystery. Ask God, area by area:

Give me up three to five things to start doing / stop doing / do differently.

Keep it simple. Keep it basic.

E.g.

Diet

• Eat three meals a day
• Stay off sugar
• Each meal: 50% vegetables

Being a sponsor

• Return texts / message / calls within 24 hours
• Pause before answering the phone
• Pray for patience, tolerance, kindness, and love during calls
• Don't be frightened to challenge
• Encourage

The daily plan

Each day, follow pages 86 to 88 of the Big Book. Write out a plan for the day (including timings, where relevant, and the tasks to be accomplished). Maybe split between 'vital', 'necessary', and 'if there is time'.

Each day, review the seven days ahead, as well, to give yourself a heads-up about what's heading your way and to make sure you're on track with targets, deadlines, and generally staying on top of things.

Maybe do the plan the night before so you can hit the ground running in the morning.

Maybe run the plan past someone else.

Incorporate the objectives from the troublesome areas above to turn them from pipedreams into reality.

Ask God for direction and strength every step of the way.

Another great dividend we may expect from confiding our defects to another human being is humility—a word often misunderstood. To those who have made progress in AA, it amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions)

“Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.” (The first word is the key to Step Seven.) (One Day At A Time In Al-Anon, June 21)

Humbly in Step Seven means I cannot see myself as more than I am, as capable of effecting changes in me that it is God's job to effect, but it also means that I am not to minimise the significance of the three things I can change: my beliefs, my behaviour, and my thinking. But even with those, my beliefs are to come from God, not from self, and my behaviour is to be directed by God, not by self. The thoughts that occur to me are not my business: God must remove these. But it is up to me what thoughts I continue to think and develop and which I will abandon, and, again, it is God who provides the direction and strength on this question. Literally the only thing that is really down to me is what I will: whether I will turn to God, each moment, or remain in self, and this choice is re-posed each moment. It's like walking up an avenue in Manhattan: every few feet there's a crossroads. Although this is the only thing that is really down to me, it is everything, because it is what conditions the rest.

 ... can be found here.

Humility has two elements:

The firstly element of humility is perceiving ourselves accurately.

The second element of humility is seeking to fulfil the role in the world that God wants us to fulfil.

With regard to the first element:

Who I am is spirit.

Character defects and virtues are tools that I use.

They are not parts of me.

With regard to the second element:

What does God want me to do today?

There are two ways to fail:

The first way to fail is by not asking God what to do today.

The second way to fail is by asking God for more than that:

Knowledge of higher matters; knowledge of the future; knowledge of the big picture.

Humility therefore means doing precisely and only what the Steps ask me to do.

 ... can be found here.

I don't work on defects.

I work on doing the right thing right now.

The right thing (the right action or the right mode or manner) is the substitute for the defect.

If you're in the single right place, you're not in any of the legion wrong places.

Each right action is the perfect removal of all defects at once.

In Step Six, I examine my defects not individually but overall:

The result of living life based on self-will.

I don't work on defects.

To work on something, I must have it.

To have it, I must have kept it.

The programme says to get rid of defects, not keep them.

I don't do the removal.

God does the removal.

I ask God to remove them.

I'm not off the hook:

The last five Steps are mine to take.

Steps Eight and Nine removed my attachment to self.

Sane and sound ideals / a vision of God's will for provide the way forward:

What would God have me be (page 68)?

What would God have me do (pages 86 to 88)?

Then I busy myself with Steps Ten through Twelve.

If I do the right thing the right way: no defect.

All I do must be under the heading of Steps Ten through Twelve.

God removes the defects but, in line with Concept VI:

I take chief initiative and active responsibility for their removal ...

... by taking Steps Ten through Twelve.

Here's my attitude:

I don't exist.

I don't matter to me.

I am here only to be used by God.

I am to have no opinion on outside matters.

What is an outside matter?

Anything beyond the next right action.

God can remove my defects of character completely.

God will not remove my defects of character permanently.

Imagine there are apples in the refrigerator on Monday.

Now imagine that, with God’s help, I remove them.

On Tuesday, there will be no apples in the refrigerator, because they have been completely removed.

If there are no apples in the refrigerator on Tuesday, that does not mean that there will be no apples in the refrigerator on Wednesday.

If I put apples in the refrigerator on Wednesday, there will be apples in the refrigerator on Wednesday.

That does not mean that the apples were not completely removed on Tuesday.

It means I put new apples in.

The apples are of the same kind as the previous apples, but they are not the same apples.

The situation is the same with defects of character.

After Step Seven, there are only five Steps. There are no other Steps. If I've got a problem, I have admitted it, and I take Step Seven, the answer necessarily lies in my practice of the remaining five Steps. There is literally nothing else to do, and nothing else on offer, but these five Steps are entirely sufficient to solve any problem.

Step Six is 'we were entirely willing to jump into the water'.
Step Seven is 'we jumped into the water'.
If there is no jumping, there is a problem with Step Six, not Step Seven.

God will do for me what I cannot do for myself.

What is up to me is the following:

• Choosing to withdraw my loyalty towards my own (= ego-based, = fear-based) thinking
• Deliberately turning my thoughts to service and God
• Deliberately turning my actions to service and God.

If I do something wrong, the job is not to wallow in remorse but to change. Change what? My beliefs, my thinking, my behaviour. Doesn't God remove our character defects? Yes, although if my defect is being late for work, God won't get me out of bed on time, I will have to set an alarm and then get up. I might need to ask God for the power to do that, but the initiative must come from me. It's no good hiding behind powerlessness and the wording of Steps Six and Seven. God will do for me what I cannot do for myself but God won't do for me what I can do for myself.

Remorse and self-reproach does not help, by the way, and are not a substitute for change. There are no points in the programme for morbid reflection.

The AA programme requires willingness. That means being prepared to take action. If action is not taken, that means there is no willingness. It is impossible to be willing and yet take no action.

Willing is different than wanting.

Most people equate the two, and will do something only if they want to. The AA programme is asking us to get past that equation and take indicated action whether we want to or not.

When one is employed, one takes the actions one is instructed to take, and our boss is not interested in whether we want to take the action or approve of it: the question is only whether we are willing to take the action. In AA it is much the same.

The 'right thing' could be an action of the programme (e.g. going to a meeting, doing stepwork, doing service) or it could be the right moral choice when we are faced with a choice between right and wrong elsewhere in life; the choice always boils down to this: am I willing to do what is good and right, regardless of feeling, impulse, or desire, or am I willing to do only what I want to do?

One might ask, 'but doesn't God remove our defects of character?' That's absolutely true. God will gradually remove the impulses, the false perceptions, the bad motivations, etc., but only if we lead with right action.

There are many cases (my own included) where abstinence in a process addiction is extremely elusive for a while, despite apparently throwing everything at it.

Here are some observations of having process addictions myself and sponsoring or talking to literally countless people who also have them. I hope these help. They helped me.

(1) Some people come to SA, OA, etc. and are abstinent from day one. Others take years of patient work and improvement, with distressing setbacks, before abstinence or the maintenance of bottom lines is achieved. This does not mean the programme does not work or works only on some people. It means, rather, that some people are deeper into the addictive process than others and take longer to heal. The book Alcoholics Anonymous refers to the 'Step Nine promises' coming 'sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly'.

(2) It is not necessarily true that one must acquire full and permanent abstinence before one can even engage in the process of recovering. This defeats the point. In some parts of recovery world, newcomers who can't stay abstinent on their own power (which is the definition of powerlessness!) are told they cannot start the Steps until they have achieved abstinence. I have known many friends who find this both shaming and exasperating: they're required to admit powerlessness in the same breath they're required to exercise power they're blocked from. The experience of many is that it is precisely the engagement in the process that provides release from the behaviour, and that seeking abstinence (or the maintenance of bottom lines) must take place hand in hand with working the Steps.

So, how is abstinence achieved?

I don't have a definitive or comprehensive answer, but here are some suggestions from my own experience.

(1) To be free of an addictive process, I must be willing to feel whatever feelings come up. Sometimes the reservation consists in not being willing to experience certain feelings. Emotion must not be allowed to steer the ship.

(2) Addictive processes involve both a degree of automation (the same type of automation that enables you to drive a car or chop vegetables whilst talking to someone) and a disrupted relationship between the reward centre of the brain (the bit that likes the dopamine hit and issues instructions to repeat whatever behaviour produced it) and the decision-making bit of the brain. The brain literally needs rewiring. This is a formidable task and is not achieved instantly. Patience and persistence are required.

(3) Surrender of old attitudes, thoughts, and behaviour patterns and the adoption of new attitudes, thoughts, and behaviour patterns must be at the level of heart. This is not about external observance but a change at a profound level. This cannot be brought about as an act of the will but can be brought about by persistent work to undermine the attachment to the old attitudes, thoughts, and behaviour patterns, which is what the Steps are about.

(4) The set of actions suggested by a sponsor in all three areas, recovery, service, and fellowship, must be complete and not selective.

(5) It is the process of the Steps as a whole, incorporated into a system of fellowship and service, that brings about recovery: no particular element is the magic key. It's not as simple as that.

(6) Here are some quotations that are apropos:

From 'Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions'

Having been granted a perfect release from alcoholism, why then shouldn't we be able to achieve by the same means a perfect release from every other difficulty or defect? This is a riddle of our existence, the full answer to which may be only in the mind of God. ...

When men and women pour so much alcohol into themselves that they destroy their lives, they commit a most unnatural act. Defying their instinctive desire for self-preservation, they seem bent upon self-destruction. They work against their own deepest instinct. As they are humbled by the terrific beating administered by alcohol, the grace of God can enter them and expel their obsession. Here their powerful instinct to live can cooperate fully with their Creator's desire to give them new life. For nature and God alike abhor suicide.

But most of our other difficulties don't fall under such a category at all. Every normal person wants, for example, to eat, to reproduce, to be somebody in the society of his fellows. And he wishes to be reasonably safe and secure as he tries to attain these things. Indeed, God made him that way. He did not design man to destroy himself by alcohol, but He did give man instincts to help him to stay alive.

It is nowhere evident, at least in this life, that our Creator expects us fully to eliminate our instinctual drives. So far as we know, it is nowhere on the record that God has completely removed from any human being all his natural drives.

Since most of us are born with an abundance of natural desires, it isn't strange that we often let these far exceed their intended purpose. When they drive us blindly, or we wilfully demand that they supply us with more satisfactions or pleasures than are possible or due us, that is the point at which we depart from the degree of perfection that God wishes for us here on earth. That is the measure of our character defects, or, if you wish, of our sins.

If we ask, God will certainly forgive our derelictions. But in no case does He render us white as snow and keep us that way without our cooperation. That is something we are supposed to be willing to work toward ourselves. He asks only that we try as best we know how to make progress in the building of character.

...

Until now, our lives have been largely devoted to running from pain and problems. We fled from them as from a plague. We never wanted to deal with the fact of suffering. Escape via the bottle was always our solution. Character-building through suffering might be all right for saints, but it certainly didn’t appeal to us.

Then, in A.A., we looked and listened. Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets. We heard story after story of how humility had brought strength out of weakness. In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life. But this admission price had purchased more than we expected. It brought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain. We began to fear pain less, and desire humility more than ever.

...

We saw we needn’t always be bludgeoned and beaten into humility. It could come quite as much from our voluntary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering. A great turning point in our lives came when we sought for humility as something we really wanted, rather than as something we must have. It marked the time when we could commence to see the full implication of Step Seven: ‘Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.’

The AA literature talks about a fatal progression. The way this works is this: during a drinking history, there are periods when the individual can stop for a bit, or play around with stopping for a few months, with short periods of sobriety punctuated with days or weeks of drinking. Then, with no warning, one of these micro-relapses extends and takes the person into a relapse that lasts for a year or a relapse the person cannot come back from.

The reason why it's never safe to have one drink if you're an alcoholic is that there is a progression taking place, which has both linear and step elements. Gradually, the alcohol takes hold, but there are step-changes, too. It's like jumping up and down on a floor for months, then suddenly the floor gives way, and you find yourself on the next storey down. That next storey may be quite different than the storey above, and the loss of control may be categorically worse.

I experienced this: for years I could not drink or could drink only moderately when I was with my parents; when I hit 21, something snapped, and I could not stop myself from getting uproariously, stociously drunk even in front of them, although the consequences of this were so awful it was the last thing I wanted to do.

To sum up: when someone slips, they might come back tomorrow, or they might come back never, and you can never tell. It's no good saying that, if things really become intolerable, one will just stop again; Dr Jekyll thinks that, once he becomes Mr Hyde, his Dr Jekyll sense will bring him back, but by the time he becomes Mr Hyde, the Dr Jekyll sense is gone, and all he is left with is Mr Hyde, and Mr Hyde never wants to come back. Mr Hyde has the upper hand and doesn't give a damn.

The alarming footnote is that this applies also to immoral behaviour: a little bit of immoral behaviour perhaps seems harmless, but the truth is that it grows and grows, and the more it grows the less you feel like stopping, until it takes over altogether. Immoral behaviour (or rotten thinking) deadens the soul, thereby deadening the only part of you that could wake you up if things go too far. When the fire consumes the fire alarm and the fire extinguisher, there is no hope any longer.

This is why we ask repeatedly for God to remove all our character defects. We don't know which one will kill us if it is allowed to grow so far our soul is so deadened we drink.

As I go through the day, I encounter temptation to think unhelpful thoughts (selfish, dishonest, resentful, or fearful thoughts). It is from such thoughts that all my bad behaviour stems. I don't think recovery is about not having these thoughts; I think it's about turning away promptly from them. A good way I have found to do so is to say the Step Seven Prayer as soon as a negative thought comes into my mind. Generally, if I catch the thought in the first five seconds and replace the thought with a recitation of the Step Seven Prayer, the thought does not return for a while. It is easier and more effective to do this than to let it embed itself in my consciousness and then to try and dig it out once it has grown roots.

Once I thought the programme wasn't working because I felt really bad a lot. Feeling bad a lot was flowing from doing bad things and thinking bad things. You know they're bad things to do and think because they make you feel bad. Turns out, the problem wasn't God or the programme. It was me.

Step Seven suggests we ask God to remove every single defect of character that stands in the way of our usefulness. That means, whenever I think a bad thought or think of translating that bad thought into bad action, I must ask God to remove the bad thought and give me the strength to not do the bad thing. The best way to do that is to think a good thought and do a good thing.

Turns out, if you apply Step Seven constantly, it works. I had been expecting the results of Step Seven, namely the removal of defects, by taking it once but then not actually asking God to remove a defect every time it came up. That's silly. It's like going to the supermarket once for food, then being surprised when the fridge doesn't keep filling up with food on a daily basis. Then again, I'm often silly. That's not a problem unless one thinks oneself clever. This is why humility is necessary.

‘Having or showing a low estimate of one’s own importance; (of an action, thought, etc.) offered with or affected by such an estimate.’

(1) I am responsible for my attitudes, thinking, and conduct.

(2) I am not responsible for how others respond.

(3) I make amends where possible …

(4) … but recognise that the responsibility for undoing the harm within the other person is God’s, not mine.

(5) I go to God asking for improvement …

(6) … but do not expect myself to do what is God’s job …

(7) … or vice versa.

(8) I do not beat myself up for having a full range of human failings, as that would imply I’m not supposed to have them.

(9) I do not expect others not to have a full range of human failings, for the same reason.

(10) I do not see the presence of human failings in others as a problem that I caused.

(11) I do not see the presence of human failings in others as a problem that is mine to solve.

(12) Imperfection is perfectly in accordance with the design.

‘When an occasion of practising some virtue was offered, he addressed himself to God saying, "Lord, I cannot do this unless Thou enable me". Then he received strength more than sufficient. When he had failed in his duty, he only confessed his fault saying to God, "I shall never do otherwise, if You leave me to myself. It is You who must hinder my failing and mend what is amiss." Then, after this, he gave himself no further uneasiness about it.’

'Without God, you can't; without you, he won't.'

The removal of defects means that my attitudes, thinking, and behaviour must change.

How?

As with everything, I need two commodities: knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry that out.

Applied to Step Seven, this means knowledge of what the new attitudes, thinking, and behaviour should be, and the strength to implement them.

Why is strength needed?

The old attitudes, thinking, and behaviour are deeply ingrained habits that are designed, like a thermostat, to keep my emotional temperature just right by adjusting my environment. Now, the thermostat may be broken, and these old attitudes plus thinking and behaviour patterns may ultimately have a disastrous effect on my emotional temperature (anyone else discover that years of crappy thinking and behaviour result in grinding misery?); yet when they are threatened and I am called upon to believe, think, and act differently, all hell breaks loose, alarms go off, and I feel immense discomfort, as my programming informs me I'm 'getting it all wrong'.

This is why change is hard: it needs strength to override the faulty thermostat, which is convinced that the old attitudes, thinking and behaviour spell comfort and the new ones, danger. The reverse, in truth, is true.

For my defects to be removed, I'm going to need to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

Eventually, the new attitudes, thinking, and behaviour become as ingrained as the old. Until then, I need God to bridge the gap.

In Step Seven, we ask God to remove our defects.

Is it all up to Him?

The summary of the Step on page 59 is necessary simplistic and misses some of the fine print.

If it were all down to God, there would be no further Steps.

God will do for us what we cannot do for ourselves but will not do for us what is our responsibility, and the remaining five Steps are our responsibility.

Apart from the amends, which are discreet acts (albeit often with follow-up trains of activity), the remaining five Steps comprise altered attitudes, thinking patterns, and behaviour patterns.

We devise this with God's help; we implement them with God's help: in these regards, we are in cooperation with God. Without God, they will not be removed, but with God alone, and no resolute, concerted effort from us, they will not be removed either.

There is one thing which is 100% down to God, however.

The new attitudes, thinking patterns, and behaviour patterns will run deeply against old programming. Change is painful because it produces conflict between what we are moving from and what we are moving towards. This pain can sometimes outweigh, in our minds, the (longer-term) benefit of change.

If we persist, however, the final piece falls in place, and the new attitudes, thinking patterns, and behaviour patterns become second nature, as the Big Book says, the God-consciousness that becomes a working part of the mind. The conflict is removed, and we are at peace. That last piece in the jigsaw is the ultimate manifestation of grace: when we do God's will because it is our only wish.

I have never had great success with corrective measures involving not doing something. The best ones are where I cultivate a different positive attitude, thought pattern, or action.

According to page 85, we can exercise our will along the line of God's will, and that is where empowerment lies. We do not ask for God to reinforce our strength not to act on self-will, because that implies the solution to self-will is not the Step Seven removal thereof but the exercise of restraint, which always entails tension, as the self-will remains.

It is only by withdrawing my faith in the ego's plan for my salvation, which is where all of my failed attitudes, thinking, and behaviour have come from, and the placing of my faith in God's plan for my salvation that I can be at rest in God. And from that flows all the energy I need to act right.

What is not promised is permanence. That is quite a different proposition.

Often I have complained I am trapped in behaviour and thinking patterns. Often I have felt a victim.

The truth was: I wanted the pain to go but I still wanted to keep all of my ideas, ideals, attachments, and values.

Questions I have asked myself over the years:

Am I willing to live without the chemical rushes of guilt, rage, and victimhood?
Am I willing to yield up every pleasure, every "asset", every "virtue" in Step Seven as well as all the bad stuff?
Am I willing to place character building ahead of comfort?
Am I willing to seek only God's will?
Am I willing to stop depending on any individual for my happiness?
Am I willing to let go of everyone from my life should their paths lead them elsewhere?
Am I willing to admit that every perception I have may be distorted and cannot be trusted?
Am I willing to admit that I actually secretly enjoy the pain I am inflicting on myself by my behaviour because it makes me feel alive?
Am I expecting God to rip the thinking or behaviour from me without my own consent or willingness?
Am I trying to use good action to hustle God into doing for me what I should be doing for myself?
Do I want relief or recovery?
Do I want freedom from the bondage of self regardless of the pain the process will cause?
Or would I prefer, instead, to decorate the prison and hope for the day when a reprieve will come from on high?
Do I want to serve God or my own mind?
Do I genuinely believe in the futility and fatality of being trapped inside the goldfish bowl of my mind, painted, as it is, on the inside with visions of hell I myself have conjured but take to be the world?
Am I willing to let the sky turn black and be led?

"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen." (76:2, 'Alcoholics Anonymous')

What I get from this is the idea that I am not going to be dry-cleaned by God. The change that happens is the change that is necessary for me to be more useful to other people. As a friend of mine says, "that means you get to keep any defects of character that are merely embarrassing."

I fall flat on my face on a regular basis. I am as capable of mind-bending, all-consuming resentment (usually masked as self-pity or disillusionment) as I ever was. Pride, impatience, intolerance, judgement, every defect remains entirely intact in its potential in me, and, whilst there has been improvement in terms of frequency and severity of 'relapse' into these states of mind, spiritual perfection is about as remote as the North Star. Something to navigate by but no more.

There are two additional perspectives, however, which have transformed my experience of my defects of character.

Firstly, the resurgence of character defects is no reason to believe that they have not been 'removed'. If I view the defect as the obstacle in the path, its removal from the path and the consequent enablement of my usefulness can be perfect. The fact that an identical-looking obstacle appears further down the path does not imply that the prior removal did not take place. The potential for the defect—even as the potential for drinking again—may be a single, inherent feature of being human (or, in the case of drinking, of being an alcoholic). The defect, as a manifestation in my thinking and behaviour, can be perfectly removed at a given point in space and time.

To use a simple image: if a dandelion is removed from a lawn, and another dandelion grows, this does not mean that the removal of the first dandelion was imperfect. It is not the same dandelion that has returned. It is a new dandelion. Its DNA may be the same, but it is a different flower. This simply means that dandelions tend to grow on lawns, and action is required if the lawn is not to be choked.

Secondly, apparently catastrophic flowerings of my ego (with the full gamut of character defects the flow from this flowering)—whether I am 'relearning' an old lesson or accessing long-dormant areas of dysfunction that need to have the light of healing shone on them—may not, in ultimate consequence, be as catastrophic as I believe at the time.

"We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle." (66:3)

"Henry Ford once made a wise remark to the effect that experience is the thing of supreme value in life. That is true only if one is willing to turn the past to good account. We grow by our willingness to face and rectify errors and convert them into assets. The alcoholic's past thus becomes the principle asset of the family and frequently it is almost the only one!" (124:1)

"Should it will happen again, regard it in a different light. Maybe it will prove a blessing!" (116:1)

I have fallen into the trap of wandering into remorse and morbid reflection (cf. 87:1) when I look at my own mistakes. This is where I need to follow the 66:3 instruction of looking at my errors and relapses into old ways of thinking and acting from an entirely different angle.

Firstly, every time I learn an old lesson once again, I am not simply repeating the experience, I am deepening it. And, each time I deepen my experience of defeat at my own hands, I am pushed further towards God.

Secondly, the fact that I regularly fall flat on my face keeps me accessible to others. When people work on Step Four or Step Five with me, I can pull out inventory from last week or even that morning, and I do not have to stretch back ten or fifteen years to find mistakes. The experience is fresh. Any humility I have will likely come from recent humiliation. Basically, the repeated experiences of being bitch-slapped by my own ego mean that I remain part of the 'we' of Alcoholics Anonymous, and the road of happy destiny is one that I still get to trudge—I am not cycling past the trudgers; I am one of them.

Thirdly, a casual, uninvolved observer of my life might conclude that the debacles I experience in my own life are not actually about me—they are about equipping me to be useful to others. The spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it, and that means I need to live life and get it wrong to learn how to apply the principles. The mistakes are not, therefore, mistakes. They are part of the training. And how I help others is merely to show them how I was given help myself (cf. 124:2).

In general, therefore, I am no longer scared of and no longer (lastingly) ashamed of my setbacks. It can sometimes be a while before I 'cheerfully capitalise' trouble as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence, but I am amazed at how transformative this mental turnaround can be—as soon as I make the decision to see trouble in this way, the tap of relief gets turned on, as the Bigger Picture looms into view.

A useful list for Step Four, Step Six, Step Seven, and the Step Eleven nightly review:

PRIDE is putting self in the place of God as the centre and objective of our life, or of some department thereof. It is the refusal to recognize our status as creatures, dependent on God for our existence, and placed by him in a specific relationship to the rest of his creation.

Irreverence. Deliberate neglect of the worship of God every Sunday in his Church, or being content with a perfunctory participation in it. Disregard of other Holy Days or of additional opportunities for giving God honour. Failure to thank God or to express our gratitude adequately.

Disrespect for God or holy things by deliberately treating them, in thought, word or deed, in a profane, contemptuous or over-familiar manner. Use of holy things for personal advantage, or the attempt to bribe or placate God by religious practices or promises.

Sentimentality. Being satisfied with pious feelings and beautiful ceremonies without striving to obey God's will.

Presumption. Dependence on self rather than on God, with the consequent neglect of the means of grace -- sacraments and prayer. Dispensation of ourselves from ordinary duties on the grounds that we are superior persons. Satisfaction or complacency over our spiritual achievements. Refusal to avoid, when possible, immediate occasions of temptation. Preference for our own ideas, customs, schemes or techniques. Foolish optimism.

Failure to recognize our job as a divine vocation or to offer our work to God. Unwillingness to surrender to and abide in Christ, to let him act in and through us. Failure to offer to God regularly in intercession the persons or causes that have, or should enlist our interest and support.

Distrust. Refusal to recognize God's wisdom, providence and love. Worry, anxiety, misgivings, scrupulosity, or perfectionism. Attempts to discern or control the future by spiritualism, astrology, fortune-telling or the like. Magic or superstition.

Over-sensitiveness. Expectation that others will dislike, reject or mistreat us; over-readiness so to interpret their attitude, or quickness to take offense. Unfounded suspicions.

Timidity in accepting responsibility, or cowardice in facing difficulty or suffering. Surrender to feelings of depression, gloom, pessimism, discouragement, self-pity, or fear of death, instead of fighting to be brave, cheerful and hopeful.

Disobedience. Rejection of God's known will in favour of our own interests or pleasures. Disobedience of the legitimate (and therefore divinely ordained) laws, regulations or authority of the Church, state, husband, parents, teachers, etc.; or slow and reluctant obedience. Failure when in authority to fulfil responsibilities or to consider the best interests of those under us.

Refusal to learn God's nature or will as revealed in Scripture, expounded in instructions or expert advice, or discernible through prayer, meditation or the reading of religious books. Absorption in our own affairs, leaving little time, energy or interest for the things of God.

Violation of confidence. Breaking of legitimate promises or contracts. Irresponsibility. Treachery. Unnecessary disappointment of another, or the causing of shame or anxiety to those who love us.

Impenitence. Refusal to search out and face up to our sins, or to confess and admit them before God. Disregard of our sins or pretence that we are better than we are. Self-justification or discounting our sins as insignificant, natural or inevitable. Self-righteous comparison of ourselves with others.

Refusal to accept just punishment or to make due reparation when possible. Deceit or lying to escape the consequences of our sins, or allowing another to suffer the blame for our faults. Overcompensation or attempts at self-reform or self-vengeance, to avoid surrender to God in humble penitence.

Shame (hurt pride), sorrow for ourselves because our sins make us less respectable than we like to think we are, or because we fear punishment or injury to our reputation, rather than sorrow for what sin is in the eyes of God. Refusal to admit we were in the wrong or to apologize. Refusal to accept forgiveness from God or others. Doubt that God can forgive our sins, or failure to use the means of getting assurance of his forgiveness when we need it. Unwillingness to forgive ourselves.

Vanity. Crediting to ourselves rather than to God our talents, abilities, insights, accomplishments, good works. Refusal to admit indebtedness to others, or adequately to express gratitude for their help. Hypocrisy. Pretence to virtues we do not possess. False humility. Harsh judgments on others for the faults we excuse in ourselves.

Boasting, exaggeration, drawing attention to ourselves by talking too much, by claiming ability, wisdom, experience or influence that we do not have, or by eccentric or ostentatious behaviour. Undue concern over, or expenditure of time, money or energy on looks, dress, surroundings, etc., in order to impress others; or deliberate slovenliness for the same purpose. Seeking, desiring or relishing flattery or compliments.

Arrogance. Insisting that others conform to our wishes, recognize our leadership, accept our own estimate of our worth. Being overbearing, argumentative, opinionated, obstinate.

Snobbery. Pride over race, family, position, personality, education, skill, achievements, or possessions.

ANGER is open rebellion against God or our fellow creatures. Its purpose and desire is to eliminate any obstacle to our self-seeking, to retaliate against any threat to our security, to avenge any insult or injury to our person.

Resentment. Refusal to discern, accept or fulfil God's vocation. Dissatisfaction with the talents, abilities or opportunities he has given us. Unwillingness to face up to difficulties or sacrifices. Unjustified rebellion or complaint at the circumstances of our lives. Escape from reality or the attempt to force our will upon it. Transference to God, to our parents, to society, or to other individuals of the blame for our maladjustment; hatred of God or antisocial behaviour. Cynicism. Annoyance at the contrariness of things: profanity or grumbling.

Pugnacity. Attack upon another in anger. Murder in deed or desire. Combativeness or nursing of grudges. Injury to another by striking, cursing or insulting him; or by damaging his reputation or property. Quarrelsomeness, bickering, contradiction, nagging, rudeness, or snubbing.

Retaliation. Vengeance for wrongs real or imagined, or the plotting thereof. Hostility, sullenness or rash judgment. Refusal to forgive or to offer or accept reconciliation. Unwillingness to love, to do good to, or to pray for enemies. Boycotting or ostracizing another for selfish reasons. Spoiling others' pleasure by uncooperativeness or disdain, because we have not got our way, or because we feel out of sorts or superior.

ENVY is the dissatisfaction with our place in God's order of creation, manifested in begrudging his gifts and vocation to others.

Jealousy. Offense at the talents, success or good fortune of others. Selfish or unnecessary rivalry or competition. Pleasure at others' difficulties or distress. Belittling others.

Malice. Ill-will, false accusations, slander, backbiting. Reading false motives into others' behaviour. Initiation, collection or retailing gossip. Arousing, fostering or organizing antagonism against others. Unnecessary criticism, even when true. Deliberate annoyance of others, teasing or bullying.

Contempt. Scorn of another's virtue, ability, shortcomings, or failings. Prejudice against those we consider inferior, or who consider us inferior, or who seem to threaten our security or position. Ridicule of persons, institutions or ideals.

COVETOUSNESS is the refusal to respect the integrity of other creatures, expressed in the inordinate accumulation of material things; in the use of other persons for our personal advantage; or in the quest for status, power or security at their expense.

Inordinate Ambition. Pursuit of status, power, influence, reputation, or possessions at the expense of the moral law, or other obligations, or of the rights of others. Ruthless or unfair competition. Putting self or family first. Conformity to standards we recognize as wrong or inadequate in order to get ahead. Intrigue or conspiracy for self-advancement.

Domination. Seeking to use or possess others. Overprotection of children; refusal to correct or punish lest we lose their affection; insistence that they conform to our ideal for them contrary to their own vocation. Imposing our will on others by force, guile, whining, or refusal to cooperate. Over-readiness to advise or command; abuse of authority. Patronizing, pauperizing, putting others under a debt of gratitude, or considering ourselves ill-used when others' affection or compliance is not for sale.

Respect for persons, favouritism, partiality, flattery, fawning, or bribery to win support or affection. Refusal to uphold the truth to fulfil duties, to perform good acts, or to defend those wrongfully attacked, because we fear criticism or ridicule, or because we seek to gain the favour or approval or others. Leading, tempting or encouraging others to sin.

Avarice. Inordinate pursuit of wealth or material things. Theft, dishonesty, misrepresentation, or sharing of stolen goods. Cheating in business, taxes, school or games. Making worldly success the goal of our life or the standard for judging others.

Prodigality. Waste of natural resources or personal possessions. Extravagance or living beyond our income, to impress others or to maintain status. Failure to pay debts. Gambling more than we can afford to lose, or to win unearned profits. Unnecessary borrowing or carelessness with others' money. Expenditure on self of what is needed for the welfare of others.

Penuriousness. Undue protection of wealth or security. Selfish insistence on vested interests or on claimed rights. Refusal to support or help those who have a claim on us. Sponging on others. Stinginess. Failure to give due proportion of our income to Church and charity, or of our time and energy to good works. Failure to pay pledges promised to the Church or charities, when able to do so.

GLUTTONY is the overindulgence of natural appetites for food and drink, and by extension the inordinate quest for pleasure or comfort.

Intemperance. Overindulgence in food, drink, smoking, or other physical pleasures. Fastidiousness, fussiness, demanding excessively high standards, or dilettantism. Condemnation of some material things or pleasures as evil in themselves, attempting to prohibit their use rather than their abuse.

Lack of Discipline. Negligence in keeping the days of fasting or abstinence, or failure to use other needed means of self-discipline. Neglect of bodily health -- not getting sufficient rest, recreation, exercise, or wholesome nourishment. Failure to use or to cooperate with available medical care when ill. Use of sickness as a means of escape from responsibilities.

LUST is the misuse of sex for personal gratification, debasing it from the holy purpose for which God has given it to us.

Unchastity. Violation of the Church's marriage laws. Lack of consideration for one's partner in the use of the marital relationship. Refusal to fulfil the purpose of Holy Matrimony in the bringing forth and giving adequate care to children, or to take our full share in responsibilities or work involved. Unfaithfulness to one's spouse. Sexual indulgence outside of matrimony, in thought or act, alone or with others.

Immodesty. Stimulation of sexual desire in others by word, dress or action; or in oneself by reading, pictures, or fantasies. Collecting or recounting dirty stories.

Prudery. Fear of sex or condemnation of it as evil in itself. Refusal to seek adequate sexual instruction or the attempt to prevent others from obtaining it. Stimulation of excessive and harmful curiosity by undue secrecy. Repression of sex.

Cruelty. Deliberate infliction of pain, mental or physical. Tormenting of animals.

SLOTH is the refusal to respond to our opportunities for growth, service or sacrifice.

Laziness. Indolence in performing spiritual, mental or physical duties, or neglect of family, business or social obligations or courtesies. Procrastination of disliked tasks. Busyness or triviality to avoid more important commitments. Devotion of excessive time to rest, recreations, amusement, television, light reading or the like. Waste of employer's time, or shoddy or inadequate work.

Indifference. Unconcern over injustice to others, especially that caused by currently accepted social standards; or unmindfulness of the suffering of the world. Failure to become adequately informed on both sides of contemporary issues or on the Christian principles involved. Neglect of duties to state or community. Failure to provide adequately for, or to treat justly those in our employ.

Ignoring of needy, lonely or unpopular persons in our own or the parish family, or in the neighbourhood; or unwillingness to minister to them. Insufficient attention to the religious and other needs of our family. Failure to fulfil our obligation of Christian missionary witness, or to take a full and informal part in the effort to make the Church's unity and holiness a manifest reality on earth.

"The outer world, far from being the prison of circumstances that it is commonly supposed to be, has actually no character whatsoever of its own, either good or bad. It has only the character that we give to it by our own thinking. It is naturally plastic to our thought, and this is so, whether we know it or not, and whether we wish it or not." (Emmet Fox, 'Sermon on the Mount', p. 13)

I've spent a lot of my life living, metaphorically, inside a cardboard box, painting the inside with pictures of what I think the outside world looks like, and then cowering or spitting at it.

If my external world evinces stagnation, that is merely a reflection of stagnation in my inner world of thought.

How do I know my inner world of thought is stagnant? Stuck needles.

How is thought changed?

First of all, I have to come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as I had been living it (p. 25, Alcoholics Anonymous). Life, not in any absolute sense, but as I had been living it.

(I have a habit, by the way, of blaming, for my predicament, 'life', whose true nature I'm blinded to, trapped as I am inside my own thoughts, images, ideas, attitudes, and judgements—the painted interior of the cardboard box. What would a passer-by say about that blame, hearing the despair, the shouting and cursing at the painted ghouls from inside the box?

I am so proud of my work—the Sistine Chapel of my mind—that the very suggestion I may be mistaken is highly offensive. What will happen to all that hard work? If I was wrong all along, what does that say about how much time and energy I have wasted? Is lifelong self-delusion really possible? What an appalling prospect!)

People say they're scared of change.

I am not. Not really. What is hopelessness but a fear that nothing will ever change? What is futility but a sense that nothing you do will ever cause change? What is hell but ever decreasing circles, ever-concentrating yet unchanging pain?

No, unless I can experience the hopelessness and futility of my situation, unless the walls close in, I am going to continue the recreational activity of the re-creation of my own thoughts, images, ideas, attitudes, and judgements, and from that will flow the perpetuation of the life I have created around me.

If I can see that stagnation is the problem and my thinking (thoughts, images, ideas, attitudes, and judgements) is the cause, there is a chance that I will start to find my thinking sufficiently "objectionable" (p. 76, Step Six) to abandon myself (p. 164, p. 59), the 'self', here, being the thought-world driven by the ego.

Fear of change? Really? When my radio is kaput and I get the chance to go and buy a brand-spanking new one, I am secretly thrilled, once I get over the anger at the shoddy manufacturing.

"Is not our age characterized by the ease with which we discard old ideas for new, by the complete readiness with which we throw away the theory or gadget which does not work for something new which does?" (p. 52)

I am not scared of change. My ego is afraid of its own death.

Step Seven involves humility—being poor in spirit, which, according to Emmet Fox, means "to have emptied yourself of all desire to exercise personal self-will, and, what is just as important, to have renounced all preconceived opinions ... It means to be willing to set aside your present habits of thought, your present views and prejudices, your present way of life if necessary; to jettison, in fact, anything and everything that can stand in the way of your finding God."

Surprisingly, this is not actually difficult terribly difficult, given the right awareness.

"This sort of thinking [obstinacy, sensitiveness, unreasoning prejudice, etc.] had to be abandoned. Though some of us resisted, we found no great difficulty in casting aside such feelings. Faced with alcoholic destruction, we soon became as open minded on spiritual matters as we had tried to be on other questions. In this respect alcohol was a great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness." (p. 48)

I pray, therefore, for a "great persuader" to make itself felt: alcoholic destruction or some other hell of stasis, stagnation, or inexorable deterioration. If I can see with clarity the inevitability of my annihilation—physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially—brought about by a mind "fettered by superstition, tradition, and all sorts of fixed ideas" (p. 51), I can, at last, be restored to sanity, I will, at last, recoil from my own mind "as from a hot flame" (p. 84).

Get out of the cardboard box!