“There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer.” (Page 98, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions)

Unless I do not know where I am, I cannot plot a course to where I am going.

The self-examination falls into a few categories:

- In the moment

- Daily

- When a major problem arises

- Quarterly or half-yearly, as routine maintenance

“Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.” (Page 84, Big Book)

Step Ten suggests that I block such thoughts and behaviours when the temptation arises.

To give in to such thoughts and behaviours, to allow them to flourish, and then to write an extensive analysis is not the practice of Step Ten. It is self-indulgence masked as spiritual work. It is like accidentally touching a hot dish, burning yourself slightly, and, rather than retracting your hand, holding onto the dish with both hands in order really to feel the pain until the burn is so bad that you have to haul yourself off to accident and emergency. I did this for years, thinking I was ‘working Step Ten’, and wondering why things were not getting any better.

Most of my emotional distress is self-indulgence, and ongoing inventory should not be used to amplify the self-indulgence through wordy elaborations of the emotions and the underlying ‘reasons’, especially not with the dramatising, self-victimising buzzwords of abandonment, low self-worth, not being heard, not being seen, and other dramatic but uninformative warpaint.

Why am I distressed, ever? Because I haven’t got my own way! The nature of the way is neither here nor there. Trash goes in the big black bin bag. All I need to know is what constitutes trash. What constitutes trash? My demands!

Inventory also must not be used as a way of condemning others for being at fault (they’re usually not at fault: I’m the one at fault for insisting that they instantly meet my unreasonable and unrealistic demands), especially when I’m recounting situations to third parties. What I’m really doing in such recounting is gossiping, carrying tales, and garnering sympathy or recruiting allies. Since ‘sick’ means something derogatory these days, I have substituted the word ‘innocent’ into the page 67 prayer. ‘This is an innocent person. …’

What should one do instead?

Ask God to remove it, which means redirecting my attention to something else and getting on with that.

If I fail, and indulge the negative thinking, any examination in the nightly review concerns the fact of my indulging in such thinking, not the apparent ‘content’.

Sometimes a situation gets messed up and complicated, and a simple Step Ten (page 84) or Step Eleven (Page 86) is not cutting it. Adopting the Step Four instructions on pages 63 to 67 works.

Here’s a summary of those pages.

Make a list of every person, institution (i.e. organisation), or principle (i.e. idea) that bothers me in the situation.

Then write, for each one, a bullet-pointed list of ‘causes’, i.e. the thing the person or the institution did. Each cause should be five to ten words or so. With principles, there’s no cause to write: the principle itself suffices. It should be concrete, clear, simple. Facts.

Then tick-box which of the seven areas of self is affected (pride—what they think of me, self-esteem—what I think of me, personal and sex relations—the interactions between others and me, pocketbooks—finances, security—needs, ambitions—wants). Use initials (e.g. P, SE) for speed.

Now run through the bottom of page 65 to the top of 67 and apply those pages to these people, institutions, or principles.

Then forgive them. Use the page 67 prayer. Instead of saying that they’re ‘sick’ (which has different connotations in modern English), say, ‘they can’t see’, ‘they’re going through a lot’, ‘they are having a hard time’, ‘they struggle with life’, or something similarly understanding, but without being patronising or looking down on them.

When you’re done forgiving them, answer the following questions:

(1) Mistakes—where my thinking / behaviour is wrong

(2) Selfishness—where I put myself first and shouldn’t have

(3) Dishonesty—lies, scheming, self-deception

(4) Self-seeking—what I am after

(5) Fear—what I’m frightened of

(6) Blame—where I set the ball rolling or made it worse

(7) Faults—main character defects at play

(8) Wrongs—harms.

Then share with someone.

Then make amends.

Then ask God how to look at the situation instead and what to do instead.

“10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” (Page 59, Big Book)

Steps Ten and Eleven both involves elements of prayer, meditation, contemplation, reflection, and inventory. Page 59 notwithstanding, they don’t divide neatly along the lines of inventory (Ten) and the others (Eleven), though inventory is a major element of Ten, and the others, major elements of Eleven. Rather, they divide down the lines of uptime and downtime. Step Ten is for whilst I’m motoring along. Step Eleven is for when I’m stopped, at the head and tail of the day, before and after the motoring, and, when pausing, when I’ve stopped at a motorway service station.

“Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? … But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others.” (Page 86, Big Book)

The Book asks us whether we were these things but does not enquiry further or ask for such items to be elaborated upon in triplicate. These are not to be detailed and gone over again. Step Eleven at night is not an invitation to fish in the bin for every used tissue one blew one’s nose into and threw away in order to examine it, peering, sniffing, and calling others over to look at it and marvel. After all, these questions have already been dealt with during the day in Step Ten. Once is enough.

The job of the Step Eleven review is to take the trash out and identify measures to make myself less susceptible to colds.

“But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others.” (Page 86, Big Book)

More than five minutes of introspection makes worry, remorse, or morbid reflection unavoidable.

It’s like radiation exposure: only a short duration and the radiation poisoning starts to set in.

I have to be careful to avoid using the programme to languish in self either in Step Ten or in Step Eleven.

 “make amends quickly” (Page 84, Big Book)

- Acknowledge the action

- Recognise the impact

- Apologise

- Rectify

“When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.” (Chapter Six, Big Book)

The thoughts that the physical brain introduces into my mind are like playing cards dealt to me.

I can either reject them or incorporate them into my hand, and then I have to decide how to play the hand. In the analogy, that is what I do with the thoughts, in my mind.

Each time a three of hearts is dealt, it is a different three of hearts. It is not the same three of hearts. It is one with identical characteristics, but it is not the same one. The cards themselves have no power. The only difficulty is remembering that I have agency.

To use another analogy: Swatting a fly is easy. Swatting two flies is not twice as hard as swatting one.

For God to remove the thought, I must first put it down. Only then will God remove it. He will not wrest it from my hand if I have picked it up.

“On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day.” (Chapter Six, Big Book)

“There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life.” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions)

Step Ten: clean the kitchen.

Step Eleven: figure out, perhaps using recipe books, what to cook.

Step Twelve: cook.

Cleaning is not the point. Recipe books are fun but they’re not the point.

The point is the cooking.

The meal is chiefly for others.

“Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness.” (Chapter Six, Big Book)

My job in life is to learn (understanding) and do (effectiveness).

Learning right things (by shutting up, forgetting myself for a minute, reading, and listening).

Doing right things (by discarding concerns for my personal welfare and ambitions and seeking God’s daily mission).

Learning + doing = growth.

Good inventory is:

Accurate (true to the facts)

Clear (makes immediate sense)

Coherent (hangs together logically)

Concrete (no jargon, no imagery, not abstract)

Concise (short as possible, free of repetition)

Consistent (one part with another)

Thorough (covers everything)

Specific (not general)

Acronym: ACTS

Once it's written, check it's all of these.

God will do for me what I cannot do for myself.

God will not do for me what I indeed can do for myself.

“The thoughts and beliefs that fill our minds ultimately appear in the cake of experience, and to realise this is to save oneself a lot of trouble. No one puts kerosene in the mixing bowl, because no one wants it in the cake, for everyone knows that, if it does enter the bowl, in the cake it will be.” (Emmet Fox)

“If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.” (Chapter 5, Big Book)

What I think produces what I feel.

If I feel bad, I’m thinking bad.

If I think bad, I’ll feel bad.

It’s my job, not God’s, to sift my thoughts and figure out which to accept and which to reject.

I cannot fool myself about the value of these.

This means I need to evaluate these.

This is what daily inventory suggests:

Watch out for troubling thoughts.

Categorise them (page 84) into selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, or fear.

Then ask God for well-targeted corrective measures (three is a good number).

Then run the result past someone else if in doubt.

“Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking” (Chapter 6, Big Book)

I am to ask God to direct my thinking.

When a thought comes, I am to ask: was this directed by God?

If it was not directed by God, it is to be disregarded.

If the thought has the flavour of fear or lovelessness, it was not directed by God.

I use a spreadsheet, which helps a lot for filling in.

I cover the past day, looking at (a) my material condition and (b) my internal, spiritual condition. The page 67 questions cover external situations that have broken down or where my behaviour is wrong or less than ideal. The resentment / fear / upset section covers my internal, spiritual condition. Any emotional disturbance counts, anything but peace.

I fill this in daily, in the morning. If something major happens during the day, I sometimes write it down, to clear it out of my mind.

My mind and conscience must remain clear at all times if I am to remain in conscious contact with God. I do not tolerate persistent disturbance, and, if my behaviour is bad, I face it. It may take a long time to correct both, but one has to start somewhere.

Page 67 questions

First column: Area

Here are the areas in my life (in alphabetical order):

Community—Exercise—Family—Food—Friends—God—Home—Meetings—Money—Office—Others in recovery—Projects—Service—Sex—Society—Spiritual practice—Sponsees—Spouse—Work

Here and throughout, I use the dropdown list function (right click, K) to access listed items. In this column, I input the relevant area or enter a couple of words to specify the situation or incident, as appropriate.

The list of areas is in any case useful so I can run through them to identify incidents where I behaved anything less than ideally. This ensure a comprehensive result.

Second column: Category

Mistakes—Selfishness—Dishonesty—Self-seeking—Fear—Blame—Faults—Wrongs

Pick one. Refer to fourth step materials for more details on what these all mean.

Third column: Detail

I limit myself to 120 characters. Column width: 40 points, 3 lines.

Here, I write precisely where I was wrong (thought, word, or deed)

Fourth column: Corrective measures

I limit myself to 40 characters. Column width: 40 points. Maximum corrective measures: 3.

Here, I ask God for corrective measures and write down what comes.

If possible, I reuse an existing corrective measure.

Example

Resentment / fear / upset of any other sort

First column: Name

This is the material-world object or trigger: person, entity, etc.

Second column: Cause

I limit myself to 120 characters. Column width: 40 points, 3 lines.

Third column: This affects my (see pages 64 to 65 of the Big Book)

Pick from:

PR SR S A PB P SE

[Personal Relations, Sex Relations, Security, Ambitions, Pocketbooks, Pride, Self-Esteem]

Pick one or more. Refer to fourth step materials for more details on what these all mean.

Fourth column: Three corrective measures

I limit myself to 40 characters. Column width: 40 points. Maximum corrective measures: 3.

Here, I ask God for corrective measures and write down what comes.

If possible, I reuse an existing corrective measure.

Example

“10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” (Chapter 5, Big Book)

If I was good at this, I would never need to rework Steps One to Nine. However, I’m not. Step Ten catches situations in which I experience eye-catching emotion or encounter eye-watering difficulties. Most character defects or deviations from God’s will either do not produce eye-catching emotion or eye-watering difficulties, so will go unnoticed, progressing, amplifying, spreading, infecting until significant damage has been done, or even have the effect of gradually putting me to sleep spiritually, inching me into a mindless materialism with a mental landscape populated with society’s contemporary clichés, my brain producing images, my mouth producing words, but my mind knocked out altogether, locked in a treadmill of routines, habits, and overwhelming incoming sensory input, as my unconscious thinks, speaks, and acts through me without any awareness on my part. This is actually the plot of horror films: zombie contagion.

Consequently, I rework all the steps, which is ‘practising these principles in all my affairs’.

This means:

• Constantly reworking the first three steps as I work with sponsees.
• Performing ad-hoc one-through-nine sequences on knotty problems
• Performing a 360-degree review of beliefs, thinking, and conduct in a quarterly review

This catches and fixes what Step Ten misses and wakes me up out of the putrefactive, necrotic slumber referred to above.

Sometimes, with our busy modern lives, with the demands of home, work, and community, we simply don’t have time to do a full moral inventory, yet problems are piling up, and we know something major needs to change.

This is where InstaFour comes in. InstaFour has a number of highly nutritious ingredients, namely the defects that will appear on the Step Four of any respectable person, whether alcoholic, addict, or Al-Anon. Crack open a can of InstaFour, today, and you’ll have a full awareness of the major shortcomings that are eating your lunch and causing all of the fear, resentment, depression, exhaustion, and interpersonal conflict in your life.

Ingredients: Self-reliance, defiance, personal ambition, attention-seeking, obstinacy, vanity, touchiness, self-absorption, self-pity, gloom, thrill-seeking, comfort-seeking, sloth, selfishness, self-justification, and pettiness.

Note that InstaFour will not take the place of a full Step Four but can be very satisfying for those in-between times.

“We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, ‘a design for living’ that really works.” (Chapter 2, Big Book)

Steps Ten through Twelve provide me with a practical system for living. When I rely on that, which really means relying on God, I do not need to rely on self, and I do not get myself into trouble.

- Be with God as I wake up

- Read spiritual literature daily, in the morning

- Extract lessons therefrom to apply to the day

- Devise a plan for the day each morning so I know precisely what I’m doing and when I’m doing it

- Construct the plan around necessary preparations and the fulfilment of obligations

- Work now, play later

- Stick to the plan: no messing around; no impulsive alterations

- Go to lots of meetings

- Carry the message at every meeting I go to (or at least be visibly available to do so)

- Carry the message as afforded the opportunity in online groups

- Spend at least one hour on working days (at least two hours on non-working days) on step work (or, if not in a step work cycle, on sponsoring others)

- Only consort with pragmatic people who will not countenance self-pity, self-indulgence, victimhood, avoidance, sloth, complacency, cynicism, or rebellion

- If troubled, immediately apply the tools of Steps Ten and Eleven: no wallowing

- If very troubled, read or listen to spiritual materials until the solution(s) become apparent: then write them down and apply them

- I’m not done until I feel entirely better

- Never go to bed disturbed: sort it out now

- Be with God before going to sleep

Rationalisation is where I justify bad behaviour with a superficially valid but essentially specious argument.

By its nature, it is dishonest and designed to conceal its dishonest nature from the operative (me).

So how do I know when I'm doing it?

I get a phone call from God.

What does that look like?

Well, when I go to sleep, I talk to my Higher Power. Have done for years. The first thing in the morning, I talk to my Higher Power. I've acquired the habit of talking to my Higher Power and praying when I'm one-quarter or half awake before I properly wake up. The end and the start of the day are therefore traditionally God times.

And that's precisely when God gets my attention: the very clear realisation that, the day before, I behaved badly and that behaviour needs to stop.

The engine of growth is daily inventory.

Asking genuinely each day which emotional reaction was most deranged and which practical act of commission or omission was most amiss will produce 730 insights or so a year.

That's more than enough to drive ongoing growth.

What is required, however, is honesty and the insistence on not continuing to accept flaws that one might previously have parked for later because, at the time, there were bigger fish to fry.

All fish, eventually, have their turn in the fryer. Once it's a fish's turn for frying, be fried it must, or it will start to stink.

 ... most of the time is that I am thinking about myself. Negative or positive, about myself. Even my gratitude is thinking about myself. I'm involved.

What does Step Ten say?

Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. ... we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

The solution to these is not doing another step four, writing inventory, talking about my 'problems', going to a new fellowship, going to meetings to talk about myself, making outreach calls to talk about myself, praying about my problems, meditating about my own thoughts, going to 'therapy' to talk about myself, lying awake at night to think about myself, and certainly not figuring out what I'm feeling and what I think about what I'm feeling.

Here's the answer.  Stop thinking about myself and think about I can help others. What do I do when I have done that? I get on with something practical.

What about in-between times, when I cannot perform useful actions, e.g. when I am walking between sites or doing housework? Audiobooks. Learn Japanese. Whatever.

I had to face a horrible truth a while back: I was unhappy not because I didn't have a solution but because I did not like the solution. I did not like the idea that I was not to think about myself, that I was to disappear completely out of my life, that I was to cease existing as this suffering thing. Suffering requires a patient. In linguistics, a patient is someone who has something done to them, an experiencer is someone who is experiencing something, and an actor is someone who is doing something.

The Book does not tell me to be a patient or an experiencer. It does say this:

Each person is like an actor ...

So the solution is to act.

Elizabeth Berg:

There is incredible value in being of service to others. I think if many of the people in therapy offices were dragged out to put their finger in a dike, take up their place in a working line, they would be relieved of terrible burdens.

The devil uses the four Ds to ensnare:

1. Deception. Lies. Whispered and believed.

2. Division. Separation from others and God.

3. Diversion. Onto other addictions or useless, destructive activities.

4. Discouragement. This feeds back into 1.

To kick-start oneself back on track:

• Admit, to God, one's abject hopelessness.
• Affirm, to God, one's trust in God.
• Ask God for direction and strength in all things.
• Commit to taking the action indicated.
• Write an inventory on the present state of mind and conduct.
• Read it out to five people.
• Make a list (maybe ten items) of things to do differently (some internal and some external).

For the inventory, maybe pick this. Any list of character defects is good. It avoids the need for inspiration.

Read down the list, and mark up anything that scores a direct hit. Don't fuss or dither. Each item either rings true or it doesn't. You'll know which ones are important. With each hit, write out one example of how that defect is manifesting.

Cap the exercise at one hour.

Surrender to the AA programme took place in three stages. The first, in July 1993, was a surrender to what I saw as the AA way of life: meetings, sponsorship, steps, and service. This surrender was borne of a mixture of fear and common sense. I was frightened of dying of alcoholism, and common sense suggested that what works for other AA members would work for me, at the very least to keep me sober. The second surrender was the surrender to God in Step Three, which represented a switch from me using the AA suggestions as a way to manage my life more effectively to an abandonment of any notion of ‘my’ life whatsoever. It was now God’s, to do with as He pleased. The Steps are something like a rope bridge over an abyss in the fog. Only a little ahead  can one see well; further ahead, only dimly; and furthest ahead, not at all. As I took Step Seven, the later Steps hove properly into view for the first time, and I started to understand that the rest of my life would consist in serving God—and serving only God, not self—with Step Eleven as the powerhouse and Step Ten as the constant pruning, training, and repotting mechanism (to use gardening metaphors). This was the third surrender. Step Ten is a discipline that cuts away the constantly regrowing weeds of selfishness, cowardice, vanity, conceit, sensualism, materialism, and cynicism that are the enemies not only of my welfare but of the mission with which I’ve been entrusted by God as a substitute for my active alcoholism. One glimpses only faintly and fitfully God’s purpose, but I’ve learned to trust that my purpose is perfectly fulfilled by devoting each day to doing God’s will—and only God’s will.

If things are going wrong practically

If things are going wrong morally

If things are going wrong mentally

If things are going wrong spiritually

In Step Ten, on page 84, we're asked to watch out for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.

The last two are clearly internal and refer both to belief and thought. The first two could obtain at the level of belief, thought, or behaviour.

At the level of thought, there are a number of patterns that fall into the above four categories.

Sometimes it's not self-evident that a thinking pattern is undesirable. Unless I know what bad mental habits to watch out for, I won't ask God to remove them and resolutely turn my thoughts elsewhere.

Here are some forms wrong thinking take:

• Pre-playing future (usually fearful) scenarios, including permutations.
• The dry run: mentally pre-performing certain actions or activities.
• Cross-examination (as if by a police officer or lawyer).
• Verdict giving (as if by a judge).
• Criminal justice: imagining how someone will be punished.
• Self-flagellation.
  
• Conviction: imagining how one would explain something to someone to convince them you're right.
  
• Persuasion: imagining how one would explain something to someone to persuade them to act a certain way.
• Fantasising about a particular action or activity.
• Fantasising about a different life.
• Nostalgia for a particular action, activity, or past life.
• 'What if': imagining what life would be like if a different course had been taken.
• Sniper: mentally attacking any person, institution, or situation that crosses the mind.
• Eeyore: adopting a gloomy, despairing, or defeatist attitude to any person, institution, or situation that crosses the mind.
• Pseudo inventory: unstructured, circular, morbid, and purposeless self-examination.

Some of these imaginative activities are legitimate if undertaken for the purposes of genuine strategic planning, under the guidance of God, in order to determine how to handle a situation that cannot be left to chance. If these are happening purposelessly, recreationally, involuntarily, repetitively, intrusively, compulsively, etc., they're a problem.

Sometimes, during the course of the day, something knocks you sideways, and simply batting it off and turning your attention to those you can help (pages 84–85) does not dislodge it.

If that be the case, try this:

Column 1: Trigger

Who has bothered me?

Column 2: Cause

What did they do / say / fail to do / fail to say?

Column 3: This affects my ... demands

Personal relations: He / she / they should ...

Sex relations: He / she / they should ...

Pocketbooks: What has happened / will happen / might happen? How does this affect my income, expenditure, assets, or liabilities?

Security: To be OK, I need ...

Ambitions: I want ...

Pride: He / she / they see me as ...; I want him / her / them to see me as ...

Self-esteem: I see myself as ...; I want to see myself as ...

Bridge passage

Drop the moral judgement and adopt a position of neutrality.

Drop the demands, downgrade them to preferences, and/or ask God what action to take yourself.

Look at the situation from the other person's point of view: identify with them.

Pray these prayers

(1) 'God, please help me show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.'

(2) 'This is a sick person (= spiritually asleep). How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.'

(3) 'God, please help me avoid retaliation or argument.'

(4) 'God, please show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of this person.'

Column 4

What were my mistakes?

Where was I selfish?

Where was I dishonest?

What was I after (self-seeking)?

What was I frightened of?

Where was I to blame?

Where was I at fault (pick the top three character defects)?

What were my wrongs (harms towards others)?

Corrective measures

What should I have believed, thought, and done instead?

What should I believe, think, and do now?

Call a friend or two and share.

1. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
2. Do we owe an apology?
3. Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?
4. Were we kind and loving toward all?
5. What could we have done better?
6. Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?
7. Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?

1. On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day.
2. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.
3. In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision.
4. We relax and take it easy.
5. We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems.
6. We ask especially for freedom from self-will.
7. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped.
8. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing.
9. There are many helpful books also. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer.
10. So we clean house with the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.
11. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it.
12. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick.

... on page 84 suggests we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear, page 87 adds the perils of excitement, anger, worry, self-pity, and foolish decisions, and Just for today adds hurry and indecision, here are four more pests to add to the list:

The book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions suggests an annual or semi-annual housecleaning.

One method is to approach this in a considered way, over time, rather than scribbling for a weekend.

Try this:

Each day, ask God, 'What is the most troublesome difficulty in my life?'

Then, depending on whether the difficulty is a resentment (= an emotional disturbance about the present or past), a fear (= an emotional disturbance about the future), a problematic sexual relationship, or more general strife or discord in another relationship, pick from

(a) The resentment inventory (page 64)
(b) The fear inventory (page 68)
(c) The sex inventory (page 69)
(d) Step Eight (What did I do? What should I have done instead? Who suffered and how? What can I do to make this right (amend/sane and sound ideal)?

Write, and discuss.

Gradually work through until there are no major issues left. Don't repeat the analysis of any one problem but do revisit to tighten up what has been written if necessary.

· Step Ten: monitoring one’s own thinking and behaviour in real time and redirecting both outwards to service and contributing to the world whenever resentment, fear, selfishness, and dishonesty strike.

· Step Eleven: checking in with God in the morning to plan how to serve God that day, and checking in with God in the evening to debrief.

What did I do today that I should not have done?

What should I have done instead?

What did I not do today that I should have done?

What worked?

What did not work?

Is there anything in my relations with other people today which I feel guilty about?

Where has my thought life been today?

What am I going to try to focus my attention on tomorrow?

What am I going to do differently tomorrow?

On a daily basis, am I doing a plan for the day?
Am I getting done what is on the plan?
If not, why not?
Am I behind schedule or leaving things undone with family; friends; home; AA service; exercise; work; other activities?
How would others say I am treating them?
Would others say my attitude is positive or negative?
How do I talk about people who are not there?
Am I exercising?
Am I eating properly?
Am I getting enough sleep?
How is my behaviour with caffeine and sugar?
How much time is going on Step Eleven on a daily basis?
Am I communicating daily with people in the programme?
Am I falling foul of any of the following Big Book 'death threats':
(1) Resentment
(2) Ongoing harm to others
(3) Secrets
(4) Apologies not made
(5) Anything owed, financial or otherwise
(6) Complacency
(7) Not sacrificing self for others?
When did I last talk to God?
When did I last sit for fifteen minutes in silence and ask God to talk to me?

What the Book says	What I do
This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along.	I don't have to wait till night-time. I can correct what goes wrong as I go through the day. I don't want to build up material for a review, and I don't want to build up material for another Step Four, although I will undoubtedly do both. To do this I will need to learn awareness and learn to respond rapidly when I realise I am off beam.
We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past.	We clean up the past in Step Four, so we start Step Ten when we start Step Four.
We have entered the world of the Spirit.	Whenever I am disturbed, my mind and heart are buried in the world of the material. I must step back, mentally, into the World of the Spirit, where I am safe, where who I am, as a child of God, can never be harmed, where I receive comfort, guidance, and strength from God. From this place, I can see you too as a child of God, and in my mind communicate with that child of God in you, whatever I may superficially see on the surface. I can pray to God from this place, but also know I am connected to everyone who has ever touched my life, living and dead.
Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness.	This means I need to observe what I am doing, what is working and what isn't, and ask God to help me achieve what needs to be achieved as simply and effectively as possibly.
This is not an overnight matter.	This means I need to be patient.
It should continue for our lifetime.	But today is the day I must practise.
Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.	These are the four things I must watch for and observe in my mind. Fantasy and nostalgia (fear and resentment in the making) are also useful targets for this observation.
When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.	We do not analyse. Quick! Ask! Now! The quicker you ask and say the Step Seven prayer, or serenity prayer, or other helpful prayer, the quicker you can return to your day. No delay is necessary, and delay can result in the thoughts in question becoming entrenched.
We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.	I stop the day and contact others if I am seriously disturbed or am confused as to what to do. But only then. Otherwise, my attention should go straight back onto the business of the day.
Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.	And whatever task we are doing, even if we cannot see who can benefit, even in the long run or at a distance from us, we can do for God and others rather than for ourselves.
Love and tolerance of others is our code.	This means I must look at others as children of God, and recognise that 'faults' are only what I am observing and any genuine 'wrong' on their part comes from darkness and ignorance not malice. If I do not want to feel attacked, I must stop attacking.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone—even alcohol.	I must put down my weapons and defences and await instructions from God. I must fight no one. But I can stand firm at times, and stand strongly for something. If I am disturbed, I should ideally not speak but wait till I am at peace and then let God speak through me.
For by this time sanity will have returned.	When I am angry I am conflicted—I am not one with God or you. Sanity is wholeness. I need wholeness to return before I can act well or kindly.
We will seldom be interested in liquor.	But we sometimes will!
If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.	If I do not recoil but find myself bewitched, I should discuss this with others immediately …
We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically.	… for there may be something wrong with my spiritual status.
We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation.	Change happens to me; it does not come from me. I create the conditions (that is the thought and effort required by the Steps) in which change takes place, but the change itself requires no thought or effort.
We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected.	We can also actively imagine this: envision God looking after you, safe and protected, with nothing able to harm you. As Emmet Fox says: "We know that God is spirit, but what does that mean? Spirit is that which cannot be destroyed or damaged. It is the opposite of matter. Matter wears out, but Spirit does not because Spirit is substance. You are spirit. Spirit cannot die and was never born. Your true self was never born and will never die. You are eternal, divine, un-changing spirit, in your true nature. The whole universe is a spiritual creation. Reality is an independent spiritual world, unconditioned by the apparent world of sense—and this is substance."
We have not even sworn off.	As Emmet Fox says: "When you fight a thing you antagonise it and it hits back. The harder you fight it, the harder it hits. What you neglect, or, still better, ignore, begins to fade away or die by starvation. When you give your attention to anything, you are building that thing into your consciousness, for good or evil. When you are faced with some negative condition in your own life, the scientific way to handle it is to withdraw your attention from it by building the opposite into your subconscious, and when you have done this the undesirable thing falls away like an overripe fruit."
Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid.	Not by us—through us, for us.
That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.	This means that my primary purpose is not to stay away from alcohol but to tend to my spiritual condition by living in all three sides of the triangle and practising steps Ten through Twelve on a daily basis.
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels.	If we are acting based on emotion or reward, as soon as we do not feel like doing something, as soon as we lose hope in the reward, or as soon as we receive the reward, we will stop acting well. We need a new basis for living: aiming for enthusiastically doing God's will, but falling back to cheerful, unquestioning obedience to the simple spiritual principles of love and service when we get the rewards, when we lose hope, or when the enthusiasm wanes or disappears.
We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.	The nature of spiritual backsliding is that it covers its own tracks—we do not realise how far off beam we are until, in some cases, it is too late. That is why the spiritual programme of action must be committed to as a daily programme, with a periodic run through the first nine steps, to ensure that backsliding does not take place.
Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities.	The key word here is "all". It matters less what we do with our lives and more how we do it, whether we are bringing love and service into all of our activities.
"How can I best serve Thee—Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly.	This is a pair of prayers that can be used throughout the day.
We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish.	We are not victims. If our thinking is off-beam, we must sometimes exercise a lot of willpower to bring our attention back to the business at hand to avoid getting lost in the substance-less miasma self.
It is the proper use of the will.	Again, the problem is not lack of will but the direction of it: our job is to direct our will at being present and helping others.
Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power.	This can be turned into a prayer—conceive first of the Higher Power having all knowledge and power (it helps to know whom you are talking to), then ask for strength, inspiration, and direction. These are the only commodities we really need, and, if we seek these, everything else we need will come to us automatically.
If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us.	Alcoholics are rebellious. Much like children. We must make a decision that we wish to outgrow this handicap. If we do, the dividends are endless. There is no value in self-aggrandising independence from God's will.
To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense.	We may not realise we have become God-conscious—typically, if we are sensing strength, inspiration, and direction that was not ours a moment, a minute, an hour, a day, a month, or a year ago, we have become conscious of God. We cannot see God directly, but we can become aware of the presence of God, just as we cannot see wind, but we can see its presence manifest in the fluttering of leaves.
But we must go further and that means more action.	On to Step Eleven!

"Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives." (Alcoholics Anonymous, 86:2)

"The Way does not require cultivation—just don't pollute it.

What is pollution? As long as you have a fluctuating mind fabricating artificialities and contrivances, all of this is pollution.

If you want to understand the Way directly, the normal mind is the Way.

What I mean by the normal mind is the mind without artificiality, without subjective judgements, without grasping or rejection." (Zen Master Mazu)

(my emphasis)

• Do I have a sponsor who practises the Twelve-Step programme of recovery set out in Alcoholics Anonymous ('Big Book')?
• Is my sponsor taking me through the first nine Steps?
• Which Step am I on? Which part of that Step am I on? What action am I taking today on that Step?
• If I am blocked, is that because I am unclear what to do next, or is the problem lack of willingness?
• How soon can I call my sponsor to discuss what action to take to remove the block?

• Am I practising Step Ten today, throughout the day (see below)?
• Did I carry out the 'when we retire at night' Step Eleven exercise last night (see below)?
• Did I carry out the 'on awakening' Step Eleven exercise this morning (see below)?
• Am I pausing when agitated or doubtful (see below)?
• Am I making and taking every opportunity to give away everything I have learned and been shown in AA to those who are newer or struggling more than me?
• Is there any area where I am not practising Steps Ten to Twelve?

• Am I going to meetings of a fellowship(s) where people have the same addiction(s) as me?
• At those meetings, do people talk as much or more about this solution as they do about the common problem?
• Am I joining in before, during, and after these meetings?
• In between meetings listed in the meetings directory, do I spend time on the phone and in person sharing experience on the solution to our common problem?
• Do I have fellowship with people who are newer, people who are peers, and people with more experience?

• Do I perform group-level service ('unity commitments')?
• Do I perform service which involves carrying the message (sponsorship, helping newcomers understand the basics of the programme, public information/health liaison work, etc.)?
• Do I apply this principle in all my affairs: "Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it," (102:0) and follow through with practical action?

• We continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear, as we go through the day.
• When (not 'if') these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. Note there is no analysis. Do not seek to 'understand' as a method of 'processing' these. Understanding comes automatically from this process. Note that we ask God at once, not at the end of the day.
• We discuss them with someone immediately. Apply this if you are so deeply involved in your own drama you cannot function. Otherwise, get on with being helpful wherever you are.
• We make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.
• Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Take whatever action suggests itself on the basis of this.
• When disturbed, we ask God to show us how to be loving and tolerant. We use love and tolerance as our yardsticks for making decisions and treating others.

• Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Pick the top one of each and resolve to discuss with a sponsor or friend the next morning.
• Do we owe an apology? Make a list of people to apologise or make amends to the next day, where applicable.
• Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Make a list of such matters and whom they will be discussed with.
• Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better?
• Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?
• Be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others.
• Ask God's forgiveness (and know that it will be totally given).
• Inquire (of God) what corrective measures should be taken. Keep it simple (a couple will do). Check them out with someone with more experience in the programme if you are new to this or unsure.

• We ask God to direct our thinking.
• We ask God especially that our thinking be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.
• We consider our plans for the day. If we have none, we ask God to show us how to be useful and draw up plans.
• We consider how the corrective measures from the night before can be applied.
• We ask that God show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindness, and love (83:2).
• We ask God to show us how we can help anyone who is suffering from alcoholism (164:2).
• If we face indecision: we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought, or decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle.
• We pray some set prayers that emphasize the principles of AA.
• We read some spiritual literature and ask God to show us how we can apply it to our day.
• Finally, we pray that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped.

• We ask God for the right thought or action.
• We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show.
• We say to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done."

• Do I want to be free of this anger, resentment, etc?
• Do I want to continue being dominated by the actions of others or my own failings?
• I realise that the person who I think has harmed me is spiritually sick—driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity—just like me. The harm—real or fancied—is not personal. It is an expression of their self-centredness, just like my harm to others.
• I ask God to help me see things from their point of view (the 'entirely different angle') and to show them tolerance, pity, and patience.
• I pray this prayer: "This is/may be a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done." Note that I am the one who needs saving, not him.
• I avoid retaliation or argument (including mentally).
• I ask God to show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of the person.
• When thoughts of the resentment reoccur, I bless the delinquent briefly and get on with my day.

• I realise I am scared because I think I will not gain something or lose something I need to be happy or satisfied. Self-reliance has failed me.
• I realise that God can provide whatever I need if I stay close to Him and perform His work well.
• I make the decision to trust infinite God rather than my finite self.
• I make the decision to let Him demonstrate through me what He can do.
• I ask Him to remove my fear and direct my attention to what He would have me be, both in relation to the situation in which the fear is arising, and right here, right now, in the situation I am actually in.

Square-bracketed numbers refer to the paragraph number in the 12 & 12 ('Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions').

Set out below are some checklists derived from the 12 & 12, to support the instructions on Step Ten and the Step Eleven review in the Big Book ('Alcoholics Anonymous') (pp. 84–86).

Basic disturbances to watch for:

• Anger [3]

• Fear [3]

• Jealousy [3]

• Envy [8]

• Self-pity [8]

• Hurt pride [8]

• Pride [11]

• Vengefulness [11]

• Anxiety [19]

Specific negative thinking/behaviour patterns to watch for:

• Speaking or acting hastily or rashly [11]

• Unkind tirades [11]

• Wilful snap judgements [11]

• Quick-tempered criticism [11]

• Furious power-driven argument [11]

• Sulking [11]

• Silent scorn [11]

• Vengefulness [11]

• Indulging in fantasies of still greater victories over people and circumstances [12]

• Prideful self-confidence [12]

• Playing the big shot [12]

• "Being possessively loving of a few" [15]

• "Ignoring the many" [15]

• "Continuing to fear or hate anybody" [15]

• Making unreasonable demands on those we love [16]

• Withholding kindness [16]

• Constructive criticism—to win a useless argument [21]

• Constructive criticism—to feel superior by pulling others down [21]

• Hurting those we love to punish them [21]

• Complaining we feel bad to gain sympathy and attention [21]

Specific positive thinking/behaviour patterns to cultivate:

• Self-restraint—restraint of tongue and pen [11]

• Fair-mindedness [11]

• Tolerance [11]

• Kindness [16]

• Courtesy [16]

• Going out of our way to understand others [16]

• Going out of our way to help others [16]

• Love [17]

• Doing to others as I would have them do to me [17]

• Honest regret [21]

• Genuine gratitude for blessings received [21]

• Willingness to try for better things tomorrow [21]

Questions and answers:

Is inventory-taking not an exercise in self-absorption?

Do I have to wait to take inventory?

• "This doesn't mean we need to wander morbidly around in the past. It requires an admission and correction of errors now." [3]

Surely there are times our disturbance is the fault of others—and therefore excusable?

• "It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also." [7]

Surely anger is sometimes justified?

• "We have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it." [7]

How do I decide whether the inventory is Step Ten, a Step Eleven review, or Step Four?

• "There's the spot-check inventory, taken at any time of the day, whenever we find ourselves getting tangled up. There's the one we take at day's end, when we review the happenings of the hours just past. Here we cast up a balance sheet, crediting ourselves with things well done, and chalking up debits where due. Then there are those occasions when alone, or in the company of our sponsor or spiritual adviser, we make a careful review of our progress since the last time. Many A.A.'s go in for annual or semi-annual house-cleanings." [4]

• "The consideration of long-standing difficulties had better be postponed, when possible, to times deliberately set aside for that purpose. The quick inventory is aimed at our daily ups and downs, ..." [9]

How do I respond to the recurrence of familiar problems?

• "We need not be discouraged when we fall into the error of our old ways, for these disciplines are not easy." [10]

How do I avoid big-shot-ism?

• ". . . we can often check ourselves by remembering that we are today sober only by the grace of God and that any success we may be having is far more His success than ours." [13]

How can tolerance and love be fostered? Is there EVER a point to anger or hurt?

• "Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means. It will become more and more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up." [14]

Does Step Ten/the Step Eleven review require deep or protracted analysis?

• "When prideful, angry, jealous, anxious, or fearful, we acted accordingly, and that was that. Here, we need only recognize that we did act or think badly, try to visualize how we might have done better, and resolve with God's help to carry these lessons over into tomorrow, making, of course, any amends still neglected." [19]

What are the Step Ten promises in the 12 & 12?

The loss of fear of tomorrow:

• "Our inventory enables us to settle with the past. When this is done, we are really able to leave it behind us. When our inventory is carefully taken, and we have made peace with ourselves, the conviction follows that tomorrow's challenges can be met as they come." [3]

The automatic nature of self-examination:

• "Once this healthy practice has become grooved, it will be so interesting and profitable that the time it takes won't be missed. For these minutes and sometimes hours spent in self-examination are bound to make all the other hours of our day better and happier. And at length our inventories become a regular part of everyday living, rather than something unusual or set apart." [5]

Emotional balance:

• "A spot-check inventory taken in the midst of such disturbances can be of very great help in quieting stormy emotions." [9]

The conversion of failure to asset:

• "Even when we have tried hard and failed, we may chalk that up as one of the greatest credits of all. Under these conditions, the pains of failure are converted into assets. Out of them we receive the stimulation we need to go forward." [18]

'Oh that I were as in months past' (Job 29:2)

'. . . they look upon the days which they have passed in communing with the Lord as being the sweetest and the best they have ever known, but as to the present, it is clad in a sable garb of gloom and dreariness. They complain that . . . they have not present peace of mind. . . The causes of this mournful state of things are manifold. It may arise through a comparative neglect of prayer. . . Or it may be the result of idolatry. The heart has been occupied with something else, more than with God; the affection have been set on the things of earth, instead of the things of heaven. . . Or the cause may be found in self-confidence and self-righteousness.' (Charles Spurgeon)

'I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.' (14:1, 'Alcoholics Anonymous')

'Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well.' (63:1)

I will on occasion discover myself dejected because the thrill, or the glow, or the ease and comfort of a life centred in trying to do God's work in AA has dissipated somewhat or outright disappeared and been replaced by an unease, a tiredness, a lack of trust in God's providence, and a sense that 'nothing will ever be the same again'. You know, that familiar alcoholic doom—distorted AND exaggerated, of course? (108:1)

(1) Neglect of prayer

How much quiet time did I have this morning? Less than an hour? 'nuff said, really. A lifetime of twisted, self-centred thinking surrounded by people doing just the same is not going to be overturned by uttering a few 'vain repetitions, as the heathen do' (cf. Matthew 6:7) culled from the Book. I need to spend time using my own voice and my own language to communicate with God from the heart: tell him what is going on; ask for the strength; ask for the guidance. I do not need to work out precisely what I need: He knows already; I do not need to work out ~how~ He is going to achieve what He will achieve in my life and in the lives of those around me (cf. Matthew 6:8). I need also to fill my thoughts with those who have experienced God, to supplant my own thinking. Books are vital as a way of listening to and for God. I cannot make up my own vision and structural understanding of how to build a relationship with God. I need to be shown the way. I have to go to God with an open heart and empty hands, no 'plan B', no fingers crossed behind my back, no doubt about the goodness of God's plan for me.

(2) Idolatry

This does not, of course, mean the literal worship of statues of God but the placement of anything in my heart as the centre and main objective of my life other than God. This 'worship of other things' (55:2) will immediately obscure the idea of God. If I want to know what I have placed above God, all I need to do is look at what my thoughts centre on. The exercise of jotting down every half-hour the dominant thinking of the previous half-hour and examining this at the end of the day will tell me what I am focused on—and therefore worshipping. Typically, if I am troubled, there will be something I believe I need for happiness and satisfaction that is out of reach or slipping from my grasp. The simple question, 'what do I want that I am not getting?' will immediately reveal the source of the problem. The term 'idolater' literally means a slave to an idol. Whatever is the centre and main objective of my life (or my day) I will be a slave to. I get to be either a servant of God (and reap the rewards—'He provided what we needed . . .') or a slave my idols ('sold under sin'—Romans 7:14). What I want that I am not getting may not necessarily be a bad thing in itself—it could be the health or welfare of someone I love—but placing this as a demand on the universe entraps me and blocks me from God; my focus is taken off God and concentrated on my mental interference usually in something I cannot directly influence, or at least can influence only partially, imperfectly, and with far from satisfactory results.

(3) Self-confidence and self-righteousness

Here, the idol I am worshipping is me. The usual sign that this is operative is the sense that others are wrong. Others, of course, can be wrong only if I am right. Criticism of others necessarily implies my placement of myself in the position of righteousness. And that is to deny that everything good in my life has flowed from God, and, consequently to deny God. Little surprise I feel cold in my lofty abode of judgement, then. One answer here is to look at the results: if I am so 'right', why do I feel so 'wrong'?

In the Book of Jonah, the city of Nineveh repents after being warned by Jonah of its sin, and God justifies his ready forgiveness, by comparing Nineveh to a plant given to Jonah for shade, which is then destroyed by God:

'But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?" "I do," he said. "I am angry enough to die." But the Lord said, "You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?" '

I trust that if I return to God with empty hands, no excuses, contrition, and an open heart, I will be received back instantly. That has been my experience.

Fed up of wretched and repetitive lists of your daily crimes and misdemeanours? Try this out for size!

"Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along," (p. 84:1, 'Alcoholics Anonymous').

When you drive, you adjust the steering wheel as you go. You do not wait until you crash. For the longest time, I limited Step Ten to a nightly review of the day. This is a good practice as it stands, but the Book suggests this as part of the Step Eleven evening meditation (p. 86). When Step Ten was this—and only this—I was missing out, and the people in my life were the real victims. It was like driving along with my eyes shut, stopping at nightfall, and examining the bumpers for traces of blood or fur to explain the strange thuds and jolts I experienced along the way during the day. Regret and remorse do not bring road-kill back to life. The real job of Step Ten is to avoid ploughing into God's creatures in the first place.

Step Ten is about adjusting myself towards the line of God's will in the moment.

"We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past."

To me, this is an instruction to start living in accordance with Step Ten as soon as Step Four is commenced—that is the other point in the Book where we engage in "vigorous action" (p. 63), which, in turn, follows Step Three immediately—"Next ..."! (p. 63)

"We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness."

The world of the Spirit—the Fourth Dimension—is what lies beyond the first three—the physical, the mental, and the emotional. Paul Coutinho, SJ, talks about the material world being 1% of reality. The other 99% is the world of the Spirit. The world of the Spirit consists in truth and love. Understanding and effectiveness are the consequences of living in accordance with these. NB 'grow'. Limitless expansion!

"Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear."

Selfishness is thinking about myself rather than others—it flows from putting self in the place of God as the centre and main objective of my life or of some department thereof.

Dishonest is lying, withholding the truth, distorting the truth, or self-delusion.

Resentment is the emotion that flows from comparing the past with how I think it should be and finding it wanting; fear is the emotion that flows from comparing the future with how I think it should be and finding it wanting.

As I proceed through my day, I watch my thoughts, words, voice, being, and action for these four tell-tale signs that:
(a) I have put myself in charge of the world
(b) I have started moulding the world to suit me.

When I am watching my own thoughts, words, voice, being, and action, I am not these things. That which observes cannot, simultaneously, be that which is being observed. This is about detached observation, not judgement. I regularly experience the wild horses of my mind dragging me behind them, my foot caught in the stirrup. When I observe—am aware—my foot loosens and I am eventually freed. I start to dis-identify, and move beyond. Who we really are is the observer, not the observed.

Another image: after I have been watching for a while, I realise I am no longer in the middle of the storm, and I am safe behind glass, merely observing.

Someone once said to me: "Name the thoughts as they come past: do not say, 'I hate Tim'; say, 'I am having the thought that Tim is a terrible person. My mind is judging Tim.' If I can observe my judgement, for a moment, I am no longer judging.

As in Step Six, constant, unrelenting observation and awareness will deepen how objectionable (p. 76) I find my thoughts, words, voice, being, and action as they arise out of the ego's attempt to re-landscape the whole world in accordance with its own plan, and willingness to have God transform me will flow in automatically.

"When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them."

Firstly, 'when', not 'if'. The steering wheel will need to be constantly adjusted even on a very straight road.

We do not analyse. We ask God 'at once' to remove them. This means that the asking is 'at once'. The removal may not occur at once, however. We may have to keep on asking. This is the proper use of the will (cf. p. 85)—to keep on asking.

"We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone."

If I am driving along and I actually hit something, I need to stop, swap insurance numbers, apologise, see if there is anything I can do to help, and only then continue along my way. No hit-and-runs.

But I do not stop and re-examine the engine every time my steering goes a little off centre.

I do not, therefore, stop every five minutes to call people and analyse my latest skew-whiff thought; my job is to get on with executing God's will, moment by moment.

"Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help."

Whatever task I am engaged in—whether it is doing the work I am being paid to do, cooking the dinner, or simply relaxing in order that, tomorrow, I will be rested enough to be able to continue to play the role God assigns me in the world (p. 68)—I consider how, if I engage in the activity I am supposed to be engaged in, this is in fulfilment of God's plan for me. This is about expanding the picture from my tiny corner of creation to the specific relationship I have been placed in by God with everyone around me. Bigger picture!

Often, what also happens at this point is that an actual, practical opportunity to be helpful will present itself. Grab this opportunity with both hands. Our work is here and now.

It is funny how, even when you think your day is full, you can always insert additional acts of helpfulness or kindness towards others, the way a pot that is full of potatoes has plenty of room for water.

"Love and tolerance of others is our code".

Ask: is what I am thinking, saying, doing, and being loving and tolerant?

I have been taught that true tolerance comes from the realisation that we are all abysmally ignorant. Frogs stuck down wells looking up at our patch of the sky thinking it is the whole universe. Other people are perfect children of God looking at the world—as am I—through dirty glasses and acting accordingly. Sometimes, like us, they are separated from their true spirits, from their heart's desire—which is God's will—, and they are running round like crazy people, trying to wrest satisfaction and happiness from the world by managing, managing, managing (p. 61). They are simply cut off from the spirit (p. 66), looking to the material, mental, and emotional to satisfy the spiritual yearning within them. Poor them! Poor us! How can we hate people in the same predicament as us?

"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone ..."

Cease fighting! The instruction to myself when I catch myself fighting: stop, and stop now! Resign from the debating society (the debating society is where they debate for the sake of debate—I have no business there)! Cf. "We do not mean that you have to agree ... whenever there is an honest difference of opinion. Just be careful not to disagree in a resentful or critical spirit," (p. 117).

You may think there is good reason to fight. Perhaps there is. There is probably a philosophical discussion buried somewhere in there. I know, however, that I will die if I become and stay resentful (p. 66—becoming cut off from the sunlight of the Spirit, and the insanity of alcohol returning), and so will those I could otherwise have helped. I have used up my fighting vouchers. I have been shown that my job is to be a channel for God's love, which is far more powerful than fighting, anyway. I am still learning that what I never thought would be sufficient—love, service, and commitment—are indeed sufficient.

"Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all our activities. 'How can I best serve thee—Thy will (not mine) be done.' These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will," (p. 85:1).

Prayers:

"Show me the vision of your will, God."
"How can I best serve thee?"
"Thy will (not mine) be done!"
"Let these thoughts go with me constantly."

When I am doubtful or between activities, I ask for the vision of how God would have me be in the present or upcoming situation. I ask God for the thoughts, words, and actions which will lead me to this state of being.

God's will is a road; God lies at the end of the road. If I keep my eyes on God, the road to God will become apparent.

The line of God's will ("... along this line") has, on one side, love, and, on the other side, truth. When I am examining my thoughts, words, voice, action, and being for their consistency with God's will, the 'testers' are love and truth. Am I being loving? Am I being truthful? If I stay between these lines, I am safe. Dishonesty lies beyond truth; selfishness lies beyond love. The land on either side of God's will is strewn with the landmines of resentment and fear. Step over the lines of love and truth into dishonesty and selfishness and you will be blown sky-high by resentment and fear.

Roads have rumble strips and raised lines to let us know, if we are listening carefully, that we are drifting out of our lane. On a good day, if I am listening carefully to my conscience, in touch with the sixth sense we are told on p. 85 will develop, I hear the vehicle straying onto these rumble strips, telling me that I am in danger of leaving the line of God's will (truth and love) and entering the wastelands of self-will (dishonesty and selfishness).

Fortunately, if I am distracted and I miss or mistake the rumble strips of my conscience, the exploding landmines of resentment and fear will grab my attention.

God's will lies in the now, not the past, not the future.

Drift out of the sacred space between love and truth into selfishness and dishonesty and I am out of the now into the past (resentment) or future (fear).

These two lines, love and truth, running along either side of the road of God's, will meet at infinity. God is at the intersection between these parallel lines of love and truth. Love without truth is frothy emotional appeal (p. xxviii). Truth without love is cruelty.

This is the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you—until then, (p. 164).