If a situation is complex and thorny, write out:
Dramatis personae: that’s the list of characters in the play. Who is involved in this situation? How do they relate to each other?
I write out who did what / said what, in the order it was done / said. I strip out speculation, interpretation, and commentary.
I then look at each element for which I am responsible, in the context of what came before and the information available at the time, and apply the three columns of Step Eight:
(1) What did I do / say (or fail to do / say)?
(2) What should I have done / said instead?
(3) Who suffered and how?