When I’m upset at someone (column 1) because of what they did or didn’t do (column 2), it’s really because they haven’t followed my plan.
That plan breaks down into seven areas. If my plan has not come off, if I have not gotten my own way, that area has been affected.
If I’m bothered by how others (the offender or third parties) see me, my PRIDE is affected.
If my self-image is tainted or wounded, my SELF-ESTEEM is affected.
If my ordinary relationships are hurt or threatened, my PERSONAL RELATIONS are affected.
If my sexual relationships are hurt or threatened, my SEX RELATIONS are affected.
If my finances (income, costs, assets, liabilities) are hurt or threatened, my POCKETBOOKS are affected.
If my needs (basic physical, material, and other needs common to all people) have not been, are not being, or might not be met, my SECURITY is affected.
If I have not got, am not getting, or might not get my own way in any other regard, my AMBITIONS are affected.
For each charge, note down, in the third column (see page 65 of the Big Book) which area or areas is or are affected. Use abbreviations:
P = PRIDE
SE = SELF-ESTEEM
PR = PERSONAL RELATIONS
SR = SEX RELATIONS
PB = POCKETBOOKS
S = SECURITY
A = AMBITIONS
Note (mentally) that the reason one is upset is because one has plans, expectations, and demands in these areas. These can be positive (what we want to happen) or negative (what we don’t want to happen). What we want to happen (SELF-SEEKING) and what we don’t want to happen (FEAR) will be covered in the page 67 questions.
Start noticing, from now onwards, how all emotional upset comes from something getting in the way of one’s plans, expectations, and demands. It is these, therefore, that are the problem, not others’ behaviour, even if that behaviour is morally wrong or breaches custom or practice.