Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

“A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.” (Page 19, Big Book)

“Furthermore, how shall we come to terms with seeming failure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to either without despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness, loneliness, and bereavement with courage and serenity? Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yet sometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter, more glittering achievements are denied us?” (Page 112, Big Book)

“And what can be said of many A.A. members who, for a variety of reasons, cannot have a family life? At first many of these feel lonely, hurt, and left out as they witness so much domestic happiness about them. If they cannot have this kind of happiness, can A.A. offer them satisfactions of similar worth and durability? Yes—whenever they try hard to seek them out. Surrounded by so many A.A. friends, these so-called loners tell us they no longer feel alone. In partnership with others—women and men—they can devote themselves to any number of ideas, people, and constructive projects. Free of marital responsibilities, they can participate in enterprises which would be denied to family men and women. We daily see such members render prodigies of service, and receive great joys in return.” (Page 120, Big Book)

The demonstration of God’s goodness and power lies not in the achievement of material objectives (spouse and children; money; ‘career’ ‘success’; position; power; prestige) but in one’s adjustment to reality and surrender to the service of God.

“a better life ahead for us” (ODAT, 28 March)

It is the us-ness of the life ahead that makes it better.

I won’t have to do anything on my own, and, the longer a person is around, the more experience they have to share to help others.

One might not relish one’s personal future—after all, few are lucky enough to have a comfortable end, and the last years often present considerable challenges—but the prospect of all of this being turned to good account reverses the Othello tile from black to white.

Each day will be good as long as there are others in whose lives I can play the role that God ordains.

“Haven’t we tried all sorts of tricks to outwit him—to make him stop drinking, to make him join AA, to make him go to more meetings, or go to fewer meetings?” (ODAT, 23 March)

Similarly, in recovery, I can’t get anyone to act a certain way.

I also can’t get anyone to see anything.

Once I’ve explained it once, they have the information—if they want it—and that’s the end of it.

I do not need to spend time wracking my brains, working out how to post an elephant through a letterbox.

Now, I leave it outside their front door—duly labelled—knock, and vamoose.

How they get it in the house is up to them.

“Many A.A.’s go in for annual or semi-annual housecleanings.” (Page 89, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions)

I do this, somewhere between semi-annually and quarterly. It’s a short, sharp shock, not a lengthy self-indulgence. I find that letting more than six months pass without a review is to let myself drift too far, and I’d rather catch things early. It does not take long, at all, and it can save me weeks or months of error.

Sometimes people spend their whole time in a process of the first nine steps. Fair enough, but it’s like spending all of your time on the train and none of the time at your destination. Hogwarts is considerably more interesting than the Hogwarts Express.

The best way to avoid Step Twelve and actually doing God’s will (which is often repetitive, routine, banal, menial, and entry-level and entails the eclipsing of self and all its manifestations) is to take an excessive interest in the preceding steps, particularly Four and Eleven, which are particular favourite refuges:

The endless expanses of self-examination, pain, injury, suffering, fragility, sensitivity, touchiness, offence, woundedness, neurosis, trauma and its sequalae, family of origin dynamics, and the zombie resurrection of the childhood or other past unpleasantness in the voodoo ceremonies of deep dives, new experiences, peeling layers of onions, getting-in-touch-with, repressed memories, and systemic theories.

The equally endless expanses of spirituality, religion, mysticism, psychedelics (whether micro- or macro-dosed), attempts to hack the universe or hack God, pulling back the curtain of reality to reveal some imagined antecedent metareality, the co-option of ‘spiritual principles’ to force change in or heal others or the world through spiritual means, the attempts to discern the future or ‘read’ remote minds or events, spiritualism and magic, the attempts to force God’s hand through two-way prayer, the attempts to get high or transcend everyday life through transcendental meditation.

Good for others? No idea. Good for alcoholics of my type? No, siree.

I’ve fallen into both gutters on either side of the bowling lane and come back to the simplicity of getting on with my daily tasks (keep the show on the road, fulfil my obligations, do some things I enjoy), keeping my spiritual life to ‘what does God want me to do today?’, and keeping the annual or semi-annual housecleaning to this:

- Where is my attitude wrong?

- Where is my behaviour wrong?

- How should I look at things instead?

- What should I do instead?

… and then getting on with it. 

“or I may miss an opportunity to help someone else” (ODAT, February 7)

Carrying the message is the core of the solution.

Everything else exists to support that.

When that happens, the self vanishes, God works unbeknownst to me, and I am restored to sanity as the by-product.

“A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.” (Page 19)

If one’s circumstances are such that there is less work, less money, more time to play with, this is not to be viewed as a curse, since firstly this is precisely the situation set out above, the clearing of the way to be useful in the way that God wishes. It is something that one should be grateful for.

Now, of course, one should not be negligent about financial and material matters and one should perhaps look out for actions that God enjoins one to perform in order to facilitate work in the material world, but this needn’t be a grave concern; everything really is in God’s hands, and one can relax, ask, listen, and get on with it.

But the greatest thing in each day really is the ‘work’ of carrying the message to others, and it is this that makes life worthwhile. The more, the better, up to a point.

“None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did.” (Page 19, Big Book)

The situation (“to be so situated”) also includes being morally and spiritually prepared: too much too soon, and the individual can easily think they have it cracked, that they know everything, that they’re ahead of or above the crowd, and one can get sucked into other people’s problems as there’s not too much else in one’s life to take one’s attention.

God will always rectify this, but one has to do one’s part: remain humble, concentrate on demonstrating rather than analysing, fixing, or directing, don’t reinvent the wheel or, heaven forbid, devise your own programme, keep it simple, and don’t professionalise, of course in terms of money, but in terms of being a ‘full-time AA’ with this the sole vocation. Few indeed are equipped to pull it off.

“It is by continuing to give of ourselves that we continue to receive.” (ODAT, 10 January)

The only way, the only way to access direction and strength from God is to open the downstream tap, even when there is apparently nothing to give, and then the upstream valve opens, and the water flows down the pipe.

Almost every answer I need comes from me attempting to convey the programme to someone else, and, in that moment, I am supplied by God with what to say, and what I say is what I need to hear.

Step Twelve starts as soon as one joins and starts to use the programme: one must start to pass it on as soon as one starts to receive.

“Has she an obligation to the group, to the fellowship, and to the newcomers who need her help? The obvious answer is Yes. The real answer is No. She is not required to pay back in kind for any of the benefits she has had. Her only obligation is to herself.” (ODAT, 13 December)

It is possible that we have no moral obligations, and that we are enjoined to be selfish and disregard the interests of others.

I think this unlikely.

The writer in question might not have any obligation and be devoid of moral responsibility, even to God, but I do have an obligation: to carry the message, to pay back by paying forward.

“The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.” (Page 83, Big Book)

It has been chastening to learn that, since I have—long ago—taken the Steps described in the Big Book, if I still experience potent, persistent, or recurrent fear or resentment, it is because I want these conditions more than I wanted the solution. The perfect solution is always a moment away, but I do not resort to it in the moment. Why? Because there’s a payoff in the drama, with me as the tragic protagonist, the aggrieved one, the one-eyed man in the land of the blind, the acute observer of the ills of the world, the spotter of flaws.

Rather than letting resentment and fear build up into a personality, brandishing them like battle scars or entry passes into the exclusive club of Poetic Sufferers, Wounded Heroes, Profound Thinkers, my job is to guard the gates against these intruders, and, if one slips in, to expel it immediately. That job is placed squarely within my bailiwick, and I’m given the tools and strength to do it—provided that I ask. No special skills are required: just entry-level tools from the entry-level pages to the programme written for beginners on pages 67 and 68. I can turn on the light any time I want.

“the challenge to apply the program to every department of life” (ODAT, 8 December)

Since the programme requires me to apply it to every department, that’s what I’ve had to do, even in those areas that appear to have nothing to do with Al-Anon: food, sleep, exercise, competent financial management, relationship with media and social media, etc.

It turns out the programme is not just a nice set of spiritual ideas but a system that can bring discipline, moderation, orderliness, self-control, awareness, deliberateness, nobility (in both the ordinary and the chemical sense: non-reactiveness), and other characteristics to all areas.

If there are other areas where I am acting impulsively, compulsively, rashly, peremptorily, recklessly, negligently, thoughtlessly, carelessly, incompetently, lazily, automatically, like a sleepwalker, or with disregard for my own good and that of others, there’s a lot of work to do.

“I will be always ready to carry the message to others. The need is all around me if I keep myself alert enough to recognize it.” (ODAT, 30 November)

When the student is ready, the master shows up. The same works the other way round. When I found I had a message to carry, suddenly people started asking me to sponsor them, as if by magic.

There’s never any need to be lonely or idle, as long as one isn’t picky. There’re enough people around, and enough of those are in trouble in ways that can actually be remedied through benevolent and appropriate intervention.

There will always be service to perform, and there will always be work for me to perform to earn God’s wages: freedom from self.

“Isn’t it proved by our futile efforts to outwit the alcoholic, to compel him to stop drinking and meet his responsibilities” (ODAT, 29 November)

The clown always wins.

The clown circumvents all the rules.

Things do what they’re not supposed to: flowers squirt water; handkerchiefs are endless.

They always find a way around everything.

And that’s part of the game: even the seeking of help is very often an invitation to a game in which one provides help, then the help doesn’t help, or backfires, or fails, and everyone is in exactly the same position as they were before, except now it’s all your fault.

I can’t give a solution to anyone. You can barely give away a solution, let alone sell it.

What I can do is put it down in plain view, and leave it to others to pick it up, like leaving out water for a hedgehog [by the way, don’t leave milk for them: they’re lactose intolerant and it gives them the squitters].

Anyway, with offering help, nothing else seems to work, and the system requires my indifference to operate.

Actually, going back to hedgehogs, a great example of Do-Gooding Going Very Wrong. People that know nothing about hedgehogs giving them milk because they themselves like milk, regardless of what is actually good for the hedgehog. QED.

“Thou therefore which teachest another, teachest thou not thyself?” (ODAT, 30 October)

The first eleven Steps do not build anything. They remove. They pave the way.

The Twelfth Step is what activates change.

It is only, only, only by sharing in meetings and attempting to help others by showing them the programme that I hear and learn anything at all.

“Make it plain he is under no obligation to you, that you hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties. Suggest how important it is that he place the welfare of other people ahead of his own.” (Page 94, Big Book)

Who do I help?

Those who are willing to help others.

“12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” (Page 60, Big Book)

“No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress.” (Page 60, Big Book)

What are the principles? They are they Steps.

What are the Steps? They summarise the Programme:

“The Twelve Steps that summarize the program may be called los Doce Pasos in one country, les Douze Étapes in another, but they trace exactly the same path to recovery that was blazed by the earliest members of Alcoholics Anonymous.” (Foreword to the Third Edition)

What is the programme? The contents of the first portion of this volume (up to page 164).

“Therefore, the first portion of this volume, describing the A.A. recovery program, has been left largely untouched in the course of revisions made for the second, third, and fourth editions.”

Principles = Steps = Programme = contents up to page 164.

What are we to practise in all our affairs? Precisely this.

The following are all extracted from Chapters Seven, Eight, Nine, and Ten:

1.   When you discover a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous, find out all you can about him.

2.   If he does not want to stop drinking, don’t waste time trying to persuade him. You may spoil a later opportunity.

3.   … be patient, realizing [you] are dealing with a sick person.

4.   Get an idea of his behavior, his problems, his background, the seriousness of his condition, and his religious leanings. You need this information to put yourself in his place, to see how you would like him to approach you if the tables were turned.

5.   Sometimes it is wise to wait till he goes on a binge. … Wait for the end of the spree, or at least for a lucid interval. … ask him if he wants to quit for good and if he would go to any extreme to do so.

6.   If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him.

7.   Neither should [you] hysterically plead with him to do anything … wait for the end of his next drinking bout.

8.   … [do] not … be over-anxious, for that might spoil matters.

9.   Tell him enough about your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak of himself. If he wishes to talk, let him do so. You will thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed.

10. When he sees you know all about the drinking game, commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic. … Give him an account of the struggles you made to stop. Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree.

11. If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic, begin to dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady.

12. … be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusion.

13. If he sticks to the idea that he can still control his drinking, tell him that possibly he can—if he is not too alcoholic. But insist that if he is severely afflicted, there may be little chance he can recover by himself.

14. Even though your protégé may not have entirely admitted his condition, he has become very curious to know how you got well. Let him ask you that question, if he will. Tell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely.

15. If the man be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a Power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual principles.

16. Your prospect may belong to a religious denomination. … To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self-sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action. … call to his attention the fact that however deep his faith and knowledge, he could not have applied it or he would not drink.

17. Make it plain he is under no obligation to you, that you hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties.

18. Suggest how important it is that he place the welfare of other people ahead of his own.

19. Make it clear that he is not under pressure, that he needn’t see you again if he doesn’t want to.

20. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him.

21. You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform.

22. Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you.

23. Offer him friendship and fellowship.

24. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help.

25. If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind.

26. He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God, the desire must come from within.

27. If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience.

28. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer.

29. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself

30. He … says he is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery. Having had the experience yourself, you can give him much practical advice.

31. Be certain … that he is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections, or shelter. Permit that and you only harm him.

32. Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn’t enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be.

33. Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.

34. Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God.

35. When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do.

36. If you have been successful in solving your own domestic problems, tell the newcomer’s family how that was accomplished.

37. Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful.

38. Try not to condemn your alcoholic … no matter what he says or does. He is just another very sick, unreasonable person. Treat him, when you can, as though he had pneumonia. When he angers you, remember that he is very ill.

39. There is an important exception to the foregoing. We realize some men are thoroughly bad-intentioned, that no amount of patience will make any difference. An alcoholic of this temperament may be quick to use this chapter as a club over your head. Don’t let him get away with it. If you are positive he is one of this type you may feel you had better leave.

40. The first principle of success is that you should never be angry. … Patience and good temper are most necessary.

41. Be sure you are not critical during such a discussion.

42. Attempt … to put yourself in his place.

43. Let him see that you want to be helpful rather than critical.

44. … after his next binge, ask him if he would really like to get over drinking for good. Do not ask that he do it for you or anyone else. Just would he like to?

45. If he is lukewarm or thinks he is not an alcoholic, we suggest you leave him alone.

46. Avoid urging him to follow our program.

47. Wait until repeated stumbling convinces him he must act, for the more you hurry him the longer his recovery may be delayed.

48. Again, you should not crowd him. Let him decide for himself.

49. We never, never try to arrange a man’s life so as to shield him from temptation.

50. If he gets drunk, don’t blame yourself. God has either removed [the person’s] liquor problem or He has not. If not, it had better be found out right away. Then you and [the person] can get right down to fundamentals. If a repetition is to be prevented, place the problem, along with everything else, in God’s hands.

51. … the impression that he is to be wrapped in cotton wool and placed on a pedestal. Successful readjustment means the opposite.

52. It is of little use to argue and only makes the impasse worse.

53. When we see a man sinking into the mire that is alcoholism, we give him first aid and place what we have at his disposal. For his sake, we do recount and almost relive the horrors of our past. But those of us who have tried to shoulder the entire burden and trouble of others find we are soon overcome by them.

54. This is not to say that all alcoholics are honest and upright when not drinking. Of course that isn’t so, and such people often may impose on you. Seeing your attempt to understand and help, some men will try to take advantage of your kindness. If you are sure your man does not want to stop, he may as well be discharged, the sooner the better. You are not doing him a favor by keeping him on. Firing such an individual may prove a blessing to him. It may be just the jolt he needs.

55. But there are many men who want to stop, and with them you can go far. Your understanding treatment of their cases will pay dividends.

56. Next he can be assured that you do not intend to lecture, moralize, or condemn

57. Say that you believe he is a gravely ill person, with this qualification—being perhaps fatally ill, does he want to get well? … Will he take every necessary step, submit to anything to get well, to stop drinking forever?

58. If he says yes, does he really mean it, or down inside does he think he is fooling you, and that after rest and treatment he will be able to get away with a few drinks now and then? We believe a man should be thoroughly probed on these points. Be satisfied he is not deceiving himself or you.

59. After satisfying yourself that your man wants to recover and that he will go to any extreme to do so, you may suggest a definite course of action.

60. For most alcoholics who are drinking, or who are just getting over a spree, a certain amount of physical treatment is desirable, even imperative. … Whatever the method, its object is to thoroughly clear mind and body of the effects of alcohol.

61. … he should understand that he must undergo a change of heart. To get over drinking will require a transformation of thought and attitude.

62. We all had to place recovery above everything, for without recovery we would have lost both home and business.

63. When the man is presented with this volume it is best that no one tell him he must abide by its suggestions. The man must decide for himself.

64. In case he does stumble, even once, you will have to decide whether to let him go. If you are sure he doesn’t mean business, there is no doubt you should discharge him. If, on the contrary, you are sure he is doing his utmost, you may wish to give him another chance. But you should feel under no obligation to keep him on, for your obligation has been well discharged already.

“On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day.” (Chapter Six, Big Book)

“There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life.” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions)

Step Ten: clean the kitchen.

Step Eleven: figure out, perhaps using recipe books, what to cook.

Step Twelve: cook.

Cleaning is not the point. Recipe books are fun but they’re not the point.

The point is the cooking.

The meal is chiefly for others.

“The spark that was to flare into the first A.A. group was struck at Akron, Ohio, in June 1935, during a talk between a New York stockbroker and an Akron physician.” (Foreword to the Second Edition, Big Book)

For something to catch fire, it must be dry.

Once I was dry of alcohol, and my own ideas ran dry, I caught fire in AA automatically. Fire needs only (a) appropriate conditions (dryness) and (b) proximity.

When twelfth-step work feels like hard work, and the message is not going in, the person is not dry. Pause and return when they’re dry.

“We help best by inspiring people to think through and solve their own problems. Otherwise we deprive them of the opportunity to develop experience and strength from working things out for themselves.” (ODAT, 7 May)

Even helping others with step work is usually impossible. I was mentally scrambled when I got into recovery, and neither I nor anyone else could unscramble the scrambled. God could, but that took time. Other people heard inventory, made specific suggestions in relation to Step Nine, and gave specific guidance on specific life situations based on sound recovery principles and their decades of experience; that guidance was invariably helpful. But people stayed clear of my mind.

Now the tables are turned, I recognise that the most effective thing to do is present the programme to others and leave them out largely of the process. If they want to listen and take on board what I’m saying, great; if not, that’s fine too. But I can’t unscramble the scrambled. They’ll have to sort that out with God.

“we tried to carry this message to alcoholics” (Chapter 5, Big Book)

There’s no virtue in ill-preparedness.

A cat crouches to spring.

A cellist learns the notes.

A cook procures the ingredients.

A sharer prepares the message to deliver.

“Each individual, in the personal stories, describes in his own language and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God.” (Chapter 2, Big Book)

I was at a meeting and about to share, and I asked God, “What shall I say?”

I heard, “Talk about Me.”

So I did.

“As to two of you men, whose stories I have heard, there is no doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from divine help.” (Chapter 2, Big Book)

The chance to share puts me in a Catch-22 situation: talk about the solution to alcoholism (divine help) but risk alienating those one wants to help.

Louise would say: tell the truth; they’re going to die anyway.

Talking about God won’t really harm anyone, so I do it anyway.

... can be found here.

See the front page for links to downloads ('TAPES') and podcasts ('PODCASTS').

“Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now.” (Chapter 5, Big Book)

“A triptych is a work of art (usually a panel painting) that is divided into three sections. … The middle panel is typically the largest and it is flanked by two smaller related works, although there are triptychs of equal-sized panels.” (Wikipedia)

When I’m asked to speak at a meeting, the subject is me, not ‘it’: not what ‘it’ used to be like, etc., but what ‘I’ used to be like. Like a triptych, there are three parts, and the largest part is ideally the ‘what happened’, in other words the programme I have been working.

This is what I find useful when I hear others: a little bit about what the person was like, so I can identify; a little bit about what they are like now, to provide a contrast and an indication of what the results of the programme can be; but mostly what I can actually do about my problem, as reflected in the speaker’s experience.

“Sobriety—freedom from alcohol—through the teaching and practice of the Twelve Steps, is the sole purpose of an AA group.” (Language of the Heart)

I would get very frustrated in my early days, because, within half a minute I had identified with the speaker, so no more drunkalogue was required, and, within another half a minute, I had figured out that this person was doing well in life, so the motivation was there. More often than not, the meal was a bread sandwich: the left and right panels of the triptych but little or nothing in the main middle panel. I looked out for and grabbed hold of people who could actually articulate what they did about their problems and took their numbers.

That’s why, now the roles are reversed, I aim, when sharing, to convey as much substance as possible.

A great trap I have fallen into is to use spiritual growth to create a little universe, separate from the real universe, containing just me and lots of marshmallow thoughts about God and love and suchlike.

Spiritual growth, raising my consciousness, seeing through the follies and vanities of my thinking, and other such laudable pursuits, instead of being the means by which I am emptied out in order for God to achieve His will through my hearty, diligent, painstaking work on His behalf, become the main purpose and objective of my life.

Spiritual self-centeredness is as dangerous to me as greed, chambering, intemperance, gluttony, wantonness, malice, or other faults.

Self needs to be curetted out of me, leaving just a space for God to work.

The measure of a spiritual awakening is not good sharing in meetings but the work I'm doing in carrying the message of AA and Al-Anon and concerted constructive action in the other departments of my life.

I’ve had the misfortune to hear myself speaking on recordings, in a work context, mostly, but occasionally in a recovery context. I say ‘misfortune’; it’s uncomfortable, but it’s beneficial, because it allows one to identify and eliminate annoying habits and tics in one’s public speech. This information is useful if one is going to eliminate anything that will distract from the content or, in AA, the message one is carrying or will reduce one’s credibility. I’ve listed these out. Some are to do with intonation and other aspects of ‘form’; others veer into content. I’ve fleshed out the list of patterns I’ve been guilty of and have worked on with varying success, with a few more patterns that can irk.

• High rising terminal (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_rising_terminal)
• Laughs, giggles, chuckles, snorts, and gurgles when nothing is funny
• Insecurity fillers (‘you know’, ‘you know what I mean’, ‘right’, ‘like’, ‘sort of’)
• Hesitation markers (‘um’, ‘er’)
• Stuttering out of uncertainty or hurry
• Flat affect / apparent boredom
• Axe-grinding
• Excessive emphasis
• Ramping up with repetitions and superlatives
• Exaggeration and caricature
• Lip-smacking and other non-verbal noises
• Dropping register (reducing ‘-ing’ to ‘in’’ and ‘think’ to ‘fink’) to sound more ‘street’ (sometimes the person forgets and starts to speak middle class again by accident)
• More than the occasional swearing
• Seeing how many times one can say the full phrase ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ (rather than just ‘AA’) per minute, or, for special effect ‘the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous’
• Repeatedly referring to the word ‘man’ (if one is a man) or ‘woman’ (if one is a woman) rather than just ‘person’ or ‘someone’ when the biological sex is neither here nor there
• Dramatising with continual reference to death, life and death, life, etc.
• Following mispronunciations with deliberate gibberish out of embarrassment rather than unobtrusively correcting

The result of minimising or eliminating these and other quirks is much more effective message carrying with far fewer distractions, and greater confidence in speaking in any context.

There are several points in the Big Book where it is made explicit what the individual must do to avoid drinking and therefore death. Taken together, these constitute the essence of the AA programme, though other elements are presupposed (Step One) or necessary concomitants (Step Ten). The essence can be captured under six headings.

UNITY

One cannot recover alone. This is true at the beginning but also after many years. People drift, dangerously, and drifters drink.

“But out of this frightening and at first disrupting experience the conviction grew that A.A.’s had to hang together or die separately.” (Foreword to the Second Edition, Big Book)

RESENTMENT

The link between resentment and drinking is clear: resentment leads to separation from God; separation from God means separation from our source of protection.

“It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.” (Chapter 5, Big Book)

HARMFUL CONDUCT

Lesser known is this item: behaviour that harms others, whether deliberate or unrepentantly permitted, leads to drinking.

“If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience.” (Chapter 5, Big Book)

STEP FIVE

Secrecy, specifically lack of confession, likewise.

“The best reason first: If we skip [the fifth] step, we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. … He should realize that we are engaged upon a life-and death errand.” (Chapter 6, Big Book)

STEP NINE

On this point, there are two specific injunctions plus a couple of illustrative stories. The two injunctions concern amends in general and creditors in particular.

“[W]e will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past. We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so.” (Chapter 6, Big Book)

“We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them.” (Chapter 6, Big Book)

“After consulting with his wife and partner he came to the conclusion that it was better to take those risks than to stand before his Creator guilty of such ruinous slander. He saw that he had to place the outcome in God’s hands or he would soon start drinking again, and all would be lost anyhow. He attended church for the first time in many years. After the sermon, he quietly got up and made an explanation. His action met widespread approval, and today he is one of the most trusted citizens of his town. This all happened years ago.” (Chapter 6, Big Book) 

“Some time later, and just as he thought he was getting control of his liquor situation, he went on a roaring bender. For him, this was the spree that ended all sprees. He saw that he would have to face his problems squarely that God might give him mastery. One morning he took the bull by the horns and set out to tell those he feared what his trouble had been. He found himself surprisingly well received, and learned that many knew of his drinking. Stepping into his car, he made the rounds of people he had hurt. He trembled as he went about, for this might mean ruin, particularly to a person in his line of business. At midnight he came home exhausted, but very happy. He has not had a drink since.” (Chapter 11, Big Book)

SPIRITUAL ACTIVITY

The necessity of a spiritual life is arguably less well understood in AA. But even when that fact is acknowledged, the purport is often not understood. Often, prayer and meditation, contemplation, spiritual retreats, and other practices are viewed as the content of the spiritual life. These are not the content but the facilitators; the vessel not the draught. The spiritual life is one of work. The following items are placed in a sequence specifically to illustrate this: the two points of the necessity of a spiritual life for mere survival and the core thereof, namely work with other alcoholics. No work with other alcoholics, no spiritual activity; no spiritual activity, no active relationship with God; no active relationship with God, no mental defence; no mental defence, drinking; drinking, death.

“As to two of you men, whose stories I have heard, there is no doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from divine help.” (Chapter 3)

“To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.” (Chapter 4, Big Book)

“Perhaps your husband will make a fair start on the new basis, but just as things are going beautifully he dismays you by coming home drunk. If you are satisfied he really wants to get over drinking, you need not be alarmed. Though it is infinitely better that he have no relapse at all, as has been true with many of our men, it is by no means a bad thing in some cases. Your husband will see at once that he must redouble his spiritual activities if he expects to survive. You need not remind him of his spiritual deficiency—he will know of it.” (Chapter 8, Big Book)

“It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities.” (Chapter 6, Big Book)

“Both saw that they must keep spiritually active. One day they called up the head nurse of a local hospital.” (Chapter 11, Big Book)

“For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die.” (Chapter 1, Big Book)

“All went well for a time, but he failed to enlarge his spiritual life.” (Chapter 3, Big Book)

“Fred would not believe himself an alcoholic, much less accept a spiritual remedy for his problem.” (Chapter 3, Big Book)

“Though the family does not fully agree with dad’s spiritual activities, they should let him have his head. Even if he displays a certain amount of neglect and irresponsibility towards the family, it is well to let him go as far as he likes in helping other alcoholics.” (Chapter 9, Big Book)

“Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail.” (Chapter 7, Big Book)

“All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe.” (Chapter 2, Big Book) 

“Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.” (Chapter Three, Big Book)

A Räuberleiter (German), literally a ‘robber’s ladder’, is where one person gives another person a leg up, as it were, to gain access to some restricted premises or to steal something. I like the idea of a robber’s ladder: an illicit way of reaching a higher level, one morally dubious non-expert giving another morally dubious non-expert a leg up to access something that ought to be out of reach. The spiritual experience really ought to be out of reach to alcoholics, but it isn’t. There’s no actual ladder to get there. There is only one alcoholic helping another. No external tools or devices, like ladders or jetpacks. Using oneself as the means to help another. The upward process of the steps is by means of the amateurish and questionable Räuberleiter. But what is gained is not stolen: it is actually the due inheritance; the realm of the spirit is where one always ought to have belonged.

“He stood in the Presence of Infinite Power and Love. He had stepped from bridge to shore. For the first time, he lived in conscious companionship with his Creator. Thus was our friend’s cornerstone fixed in place. No later vicissitude has shaken it.” (Chapter 4, Big Book)

“He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.” (Chapter 5, Big Book)

“Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery.” (Chapter 7, Big Book)

“A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs.” (Chapter 2, Big Book)

The Chapter 2 quotation about the ‘much more important demonstration’ can (erroneously) lead one to think that one somehow relegates service and sponsorship to a corner of one’s life in order to do the much more important business of everyday life.

In fact, the most important things are the reliance on God and the service of God through carrying the message: No cornerstone, no keystone, no foundation: no recovery at all; no areas.

What I do in my home, occupation, and affairs supplies the best examples of how to apply the principles of the Steps, Traditions, and Concepts, and therefore offer the best demonstration (because this is where the principles and one’s character are put most severely to the test), but that does not mean that the service and sponsorship are less important.

I once asked someone which of two things was more important. He answered ‘yes’.

I think that’s the answer for me to the question of which of having a spiritual awakening, carrying the message, or practising the principles is the most important.

The answer is ‘yes’.

I have a habit of keeping secrets from myself. Orthodox and well-behaved over here; rebellious, dissolute, and sly over there. Bulkheads separating different areas.

Sometimes I need to give myself a good talking to.

Here’s an exercise that leaves me nowhere to hide.

1. Say a prayer.

2. Ask God what I need to start doing, stop doing, and do differently.

3. I write three lists, scanning and scouring each area of my life.

This gives me (a) a lot to work on (b) a focus for what I need to bring God to bear on in my life.

I then read the lists daily. There is now nowhere to hide from myself.

What’s your experience?

“My friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator.” (Chapter 1, Big Book)

Imagine if taking the Steps were a journey from London to Edinburgh. One passes through each of the intermediate stations and arrives in Edinburgh. But, rather than getting out in Edinburgh and living in Edinburgh, one gets a flight back to London and decides to continue living there, enriched by much train lore and railway-related wisdom.

It turns out that Edinburgh was never the goal. There was never any interest in Edinburgh. The aim all along was to live in London, just without the horror and the pain.

But guess what? London is London, and London is not Edinburgh.

I did the Steps, yes, sure, to recover from alcoholism (result!) and to get a good ol’-fashioned design for living.

But I still wanted money, security, a career, stuff, advancement, achievement, status, friends, holidays, luxuries, all sorts of things, and the job of life was to obtain, keep, and secure these things against pestilence, war, and termites.

I did not want to abandon myself to God and then content myself with whatever came back to me from God.

I certainly did not set aside large chunks of time to serve God directly through sponsorship and carrying the message or having such work the primary occupation of my mental activity (this is what living in Edinburgh is, in the above example).

It took a second rock-bottom of materialism (‘London’) to convince me I really did want to live in Edinburgh.

 ... can be found here.

A downloadable version can be found, along with podcast links, by clicking TAPES and PODCASTS on the homepage.

Without necessarily taking that first drink, we often get quite far off the beam. Our troubles sometimes begin with indifference. We are sober and happy in our AA work. Things go well at home and office. We naturally congratulate ourselves on what later proves to be a far too easy and superficial point of view. We temporarily cease to grow because we feel satisfied that there is no need for all of AA’s Twelve Steps for us. We are doing fine on a few of them. Maybe we are doing fine on only two of them, the First Step and that part of the Twelfth where we “carry the message.” In AA slang, that blissful state is known as “two-stepping.” And it can go on for years. (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions)

The chief sign of two-stepping is where I find myself again and again being 'saved' by twelfth-step work and service. Twelfth-step work works when other activities fail, not because other activities fail. Other activities should and do largely work.

It is certainly the case that, when other activities (exceptionally) fail, I must engage heavily in service and twelfth-step work as the only available remedy.

It is also the case that, when I am generally off-bream and realise I need to rework the first eleven steps to come back on beam, it is the twelfth-step work that (a) keep my head above the water (the drink) and (b) empowers me to actually do the reworking work.

However, when I find myself in the position of someone 'whose head is always insane unless I'm doing service or sponsorship', there's something wrong. Something in the first eleven steps has been missed: usually a lot of things. Almost invariably I'm (a) attached to material-world outcomes (hard to achieve, and yield only thin and exiguous milk, regardless of how one works the udders, as it were) and (b) not trusting God's plan for my 'salvation'. Everything else is detail.

Step Twelve should ideally arise out of abundance. It should not be the hammer to break the glass again and again because the carriage is full of smoke. The carriage is not full of smoke because life is being lifey or life does not stop happening just because one is sober. It is full of smoke because my arse is on fire, and the question is then to find out why my arse is so flammable.

A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work. (Chapter 2)

We do not like the thought that the contents of a book or the work of another alcoholic has accomplished in a few weeks that for which we struggled for years. (Chapter 8)

This couple has since become so fascinated that they have dedicated their home to the work. (Chapter 11)

The 'work' in AA is the facilitation and performance of carrying the message.

How much time am I spending on the programme each day?

It's the time I am spending on the facilitation and performance of carrying the message.

It's possible to be spending hours on AA activities each day, whilst spending nought minutes on 'the work'.

Everything else, all the 'work on myself', and anything contained in the first eleven steps, is not the work but the preparation for the work.

When I'm not getting the promised results of being happy, joyous, and free, even though I'm apparently doing 'lots of AA things, including work on myself', it's usually because I'm not doing 'the work' as described above.

The solution when I'm in a bad way is not the first eleven steps. It's the Twelfth Step.

 ... a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes. (Big Book)

... Al-Anon reveals a new way of life to us ... (One Day At A Time In Al-Anon, January 25)

The purpose of the Steps is to bring about Step Twelve: the structuring of my life around the service of God.

This necessarily necessitates stop certain things, starting certain things, and certainly doing everything differently.

The purpose of the Steps is not to allow me to keep everything exactly as it is but just not feel the pain of it.

 ... can be found here.

Practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. (Big Book)

One of the ways in which we help ourselves to serenity and an orderly life is through Twelfth Step work ... (One Day At A Time In Al-Anon, November 30)

The first eleven steps are the preparation for the meal. The meal is Step Twelve: spiritual awakening, carrying the message, serving God and only God in all I do.

If I'm hungry, it's because I'm not eating food. That could be because I didn't prepare the food, in other words I didn't take the first eleven steps. If I've taken the first eleven steps, the problem is that I haven't eaten the meal I prepared. Even if it's a while since I prepared it, it can be quickly warmed up in the oven.

When I’ve got a problem, I often think I’m back at Step One or think I need another Step Four. Usually, I don’t. Normally what I need is to seek God and the Higher Realms in Step Eleven, restructure my life around service in and outside the fellowship in Step Twelve, and clean out all of the defective beliefs, thinking, and behaviour in Step Ten, as they come up during the day. Anything that does not come up cannot be all that important, anyway. But the activating kick-start for this whole process is Step Twelve. Sometimes, when the battery is dead, one needs to start off by pushing the car, and so I get out there and carry the message in meetings. Soon enough, my time is filled with people to help. Then, once a new schedule for my day and week is established, I can go back and clear up any odds and ends in the first nine steps that might have been missed, have grown back, or have arisen in the meantime as my life has changed. I’ve found this much more effective than plonking myself immediately back at Step One and reserving myself a good year or two of staring at myself (and inveigling someone else into the solipsistic exercise) before having to put myself out for God. I am the problem. God is the answer. The programme IS Step Twelve. The preceding eleven steps are the preparation.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Completing the first nine steps achieves nothing. It clears away but it does not build. It consists in demolition and removal of refuse. It's the acquisition of the gym pass: it does not make you fit or strong.

Step Twelve proper starts with the completion of Step Nine. Steps Ten and Eleven are supports for Step Twelve. The first nine steps are the preliminaries; Step Twelve is the thing itself, and the only thing.

There are many traps in Step Twelve. It has three parts, and each part must be understood, implemented, and woven together with the others.

The spiritual awakening element holds the least dangers: spending one's life trying to establish a relationship with God as literally the most significant feature of one's life will necessary entail waking up to the other parts of Step Twelve, sooner or later. It's rare for people to get entirely lost in this, because good spiritual advisors outside AA will invariably point the individual back to the main locus of their service of God within AA, and the fever abates. The only real danger lies in esoteric forms of religion or in religions or spiritual practices that do not recognise the relationship of subordination to God. I can't see a theoretical problem with godless religions, but in practice individuals will sometimes be unable to oust themselves from the throne without the deliberate act of recognising the throne as rightfully belonging to God.

The second trap lies in devoting one's life to service. The problem lies not in this, per se, but in doing so on one's own efforts, without an active, more-than-theoretical relationship with God. The people one is serving become irritating; the work becomes drudge; it is not imbued with the spirit of God; even if it is kept up, it will be largely joyless. But more often than not it will gradually be side-lined and dwindle to a perfunctory compliance.

The greatest of the three traps lies in the third element: practising these principles in all our affairs. The trap lies in continuing with outward, wooden, desultory spiritual observances and lacklustre, minimal, formulaic service, whilst reserving one's passions and real efforts for the 'affairs'.

Note that the third part of Step Twelve is not have affairs. It is not: get a family, acquire qualifications, get a career, do well, achieve material security, develop a broad social circle, excel at hobbies and interests. The fameux 'I've got a big life' brigade are the perfect exemplar of this. These trophies are vaunted as demonstrations that the programme works. But these are the trophies of material victories and by no means the preserve of the spiritual or the step-worker: often the reverse is the case. Career, in particular, is usually at the cost of God and service.

The third part of Step Twelve is the development of character and the practise of virtues. The domain is the broad ocean of affairs. But the affairs themselves are not the point. They're the packaging required for delivery of the goods. They're not the gift. Becoming absorbed in and preoccupied with these things in themselves is like the moggie that is more interested in the cardboard box than in the feline climbing frame or plushie cat-house supplied in the box.

An example: the three virtues du jour might be patience, tolerance, and thoughtfulness. This could be achieved sweeping the streets or at the board table. The person at the board table is not doing better than the streetsweeper per se. The employed person with an illustrious career is not doing better than the unemployed person who is volunteering at a soup kitchen per se. The person with a large family is not doing better than the single person per se. The person who is doing the better is the person who is developing their character and practising virtues more assiduously. Service of God does not require importance. What is big in God's eyes is not what is big in man's eyes.

In the Bible, it says, 'But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you,' and this sums up the above ideas. Continue for a lifetime with the development of the right relationship with God, and everything else will follow. Subordinate that to anything else, and the vine will slowly wither. The vine will wither so slowly, however, that, by the time the fruit start to wither, the roots are long dead. What happens next? Relapse, after ten, twenty, or thirty years of apparently fruitful recovery.

What's the answer? Seek a relationship with God and nothing else, then everything else will be built around the relationship, by God, not by me.

Yesterday, we asked this:

Imagine you get a few hours off work to do with as you please. What would you do?

Make a list of five things you would do.

Then we'll pick this up tomorrow.

Are your first thoughts:

• Spiritual reading or listening? Prayer? Meditation? Contemplation? Time with God? Overdue stepwork?
• Going to a meeting? Carrying the message?
• Performing acts of service within one's twelve-step fellowship?
• Performing acts of service in the world?
• Being in nature, with animals, with children, with family, with friends?
• Playing music? Painting? Other creativity or something genuinely nourishing?

What was associated with these possibilities? Guilt and obligation, or untrammelled joy?

Or was something else on the cards?

What am I after?

Money? Security? Achievement? Comfort? Power? Prestige? Self-satisfaction?

Or awakening from the nightmare? Appreciation of God's created universe? Annihilation of self? Dissolution into service? Unity with others?

Various people tried to help me, from around 1986 onwards. In 1993, I start to adopt ideas and take actions that really, really helped. These ideas and actions literally saved my life (because they enabled me to stay sober and not commit suicide, the latter being a constant risk). In 2002, a new layer of ideas and actions came in, which upgraded me. In 2009 and 2010, yet more layers of solution came in. In between these key dates, other ideas and actions drip-dripped into my life from numerous sources.

The result of this is that I live a life that is highly effective, highly efficient, and remarkably harmonious given where I started.

Key ideas

• Recognising that most of what I came into recovery believing was wrong
• ... that most of what I was thinking was destructive to myself
• ... that most of what I was feeling stemmed from a delusional mindset
• The past has gone and cannot affect me
• I can be affected only by what is currently going on in my mind
• There is no one to blame for how I feel
• I am responsible for how I feel, 100% of the time, no exception
• It is possible to be absolutely fine, whatever is happening
• My problem stems from my values, my delusions, my demands
• Selfishness and self-centredness are my only core issues
• My solution must lie in utter destruction of self
• Self-forgetting and self-sacrifice are the name of the game
• Utter reliance on God

Key actions

• Inventory, confession, amends
• Prayer and meditation
• Service
• Building a life around being of constructive use to others
• Putting myself last not first

I cannot stress enough that the reason I incorporated the above ideas and actions into my life is because they worked, and nothing else worked.

I was horrified, insulted, offended, incredulous, and vicious in my response to the above ideas and actions when they were offered to me, and I was equally haughty and excoriating towards those who propounded them, out of their own experience.

This quotation from ACIM is apropos:

T-2.III.3. The acceptance of the Atonement by everyone is only a matter of time. ... 3 You can temporize and you are capable of enormous procrastination, but you cannot depart entirely from your Creator, ... 5 Tolerance for pain may be high, but it is not without limit.

It is important to understand this, when communicating with or trying to help others.

The ego will fight the above, tooth and claw, because they represent not only life to me but death to it. Because I was identified with the ego, I fought for it, against myself.

The ego will, in particular, latch onto forms of 'healing' which do not really heal but provide temporary relief, through the shifting of guilt onto the past and onto others, and the elevation of self to occupy so much of the picture that the illusory locus of fear in the world is temporarily obscured.

Many people presented the above ideas to me way before I adopted them, and they taught me this valuable lesson: don't try to yank unripe fruit off the tree.

The part of Step Twelve where it talks about 'practising these principles in all our affairs' is very simple. It means I conduct my affairs, but that, in conducting them, my chief activity is practising these principles.

The worldly purposes of my job, for instance, are no longer my purposes.

My purpose, in my job, is to practise these principles.

How do you do that?

Take three principles contained in or derivable from the programme (ask God for these), and practise them.

The three I was given today are:

Submission

Quietude

Industry

So that's what I'm practising.

 ... can be found here.

He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. (Big Book)

And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces, The solemn temples, the great globe itself, Ye all which it inherit, shall dissolve (The Tempest)

Select facts of the world must be apprehended for me to perform my work. But few. The rest: a vision without base. To be upset by the world: delusion. What am I thinking about? And why? Is this thought necessary? And this one? What then? God. And the next right action. And God. And the heavens.

5. Each Alcoholics Anonymous group ought to be a spiritual entity having but one primary purpose—that of carrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

3.  Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

OED: Affair: An activity performed by a person, often on a habitual basis; something to be done; a piece or item of business; an occupation, a pursuit; a task, a duty.

I don't have a life. I gave God my life. It's His, not mine.

God has given me back affairs: check out the definition of affairs above.

I don't have a home: I have habitual activities and things to be done.

I don't have a career: I have an occupation and a pursuit.

I don't have positions or roles: I have tasks and duties.

There are only things to do, and God sustains me within that and gives me all necessary resources.

Nothing can not go my way because I don't have a way.

There is nothing to fear because there is nothing to lose.

The primary purpose is to help other people stay sober, and that is achieved by practising these principles in all my affairs.

Anonymity means I don't care about me. I'm part of a continuous consciousness. What is for the good of all? That's the question I must ask.

Ironically, this means breaking my anonymity at the personal level (although not at the public level).

To protect my anonymity at the personal level is to place myself at the centre of the universe, as a personality requiring protection.

Complete abandonment of self means trusting God in all matters and obeying the Traditions as they're written. That's placing principles before personalities.

There are many ways. There always have been. Early AAs differed. New York, Akron, and Cleveland all did things differently, from each other, and internally.

Here are the four approaches I use most often:

Option 1

Read the book Alcoholics Anonymous with someone. Physically be with them as you read. They read a paragraph / you read a paragraph. You discuss it. You both identify. You explain points to them. You make sure they understand everything and take notes so they can take someone else through. When you get to an instruction, you explain how they carry out the instruction, with reference to your own experience. Check they've done it right (by listening to what they've written, if it's a written instruction). Continue.

Advantages: It's thorough. It's personal. You're making sure everything is understood as you go. It's the 'gold standard'.

Disadvantages: It's slow. It can be academic. It can be deadly dull. They can lose interest and fail to see the point. The process can miss the wood for the trees. It can infantilise the sponsee. Much of the book is straightforward and doesn't need to be pored over or explained. Most of the help is needed on the actual implementation of the instructions not on understanding plain English. As a sponsor, you can sponsor far fewer people if you approach it this way. You're depriving other people of help you could otherwise provide.

Mitigation of disadvantages: Adopt elements of other approaches / mix and match.

Useful for:

Sponsors with a lot of time on their hands.

Sponsors who have few other responsibilities in life.

Sponsees who are new in recovery, first time round.

Sponsees who are 'not big readers' and don't easily assimilate ideas from written materials.

Sponsees who are mentally ill, confused, distraught, and / or have disordered thinking.

Sponsees who need help maintaining focus and motivation.

Option 2

Give them worksheets on each chapter with questions to focus the attention and get them to read out or talk through their answers when they're done. There are lots of worksheets available, written by different AA members. When you get to an instruction, you explain how they carry out the instruction, with reference to your own experience. Check they've done it right (by listening to what they've written, if it's a written instruction). Continue.

Advantages: It's much quicker. It's easier to see the overall arc of each chapter and step. It makes the sponsee more responsible for their own recovery.
Disadvantages: It's less personal. Some detail can get lost.

Mitigation of disadvantages: Get them to read with other sponsees of yours or in small groups. Fill in gaps as and when you spot them.

Useful for:

Sponsees who are newly back but not new in recovery.

Sponsees with a good education.

Sponsees who are highly motivated.

Option 3

Give them whole chapters to read or whole steps to look at, with a couple of basic questions, like, 'What is the physical craving?' 'What is the mental obsession?', etc. Then open up a discussion and make sure they've understood all of the main points. When you get to an instruction, you explain how they carry out the instruction, with reference to your own experience. Check they've done it right (by listening to what they've written, if it's a written instruction). Continue.

Advantages: Same as for Option 2 but even more so.

Disadvantage: Requires well-developed critical faculties on the part of both sponsor and sponsee. Possibility of missing certain details. Sometimes produces poor initial results as the sponsee is not capable or organised enough. This can be frustrating and discouraging for both sides.

Mitigation of disadvantages: Same as for Option 2.

Useful for:

Sponsees who have been through the Steps before and have been sober a while.

Sponsees with a good education.

Sponsees who are highly motivated.

Sponsees who are systematic and orderly.

Option 4

Basically Option 1 but select certain passages for shared discussion, and get the individual to read the intervening passages on their own or with others. When you get to an instruction, you explain how they carry out the instruction, with reference to your own experience, with reference to your own experience. Check they've done it right (by listening to what they've written, if it's a written instruction). Continue.

Advantages: As for 1, but much quicker. Real focus on the main points. They can fill in the detail later on. Easier for the sponsee to retain an overview.

Disadvantages: Some detail can get lost.

Mitigation of disadvantages: Fill in gaps as and when you spot them.

Useful for:

People with very limited reading abilities and/or real problems focusing.

People who are at great risk of slipping and badly need to progress quickly to Step Five and/or Step Nine if they're going to stay sober.

It's easy to get overwhelmed by one or more material problems.

As a result, one wastes energy on worry, energy that could be diverted into action.

Here's a solution:

• Under the Concepts, God has final responsibility and ultimate authority (Concept I)
• I'm just delegated tasks to do (Concept VI)
• I have authority only over my tasks (Concept III, Concept X)
• I have responsibility only for my tasks
• I have no authority over outcomes
• I have no responsibility for outcomes
• Therefore: I need not feel guilty because of outcomes
• God can solve anything (Step Two)
• No obstacle is final
• At worst it signals the necessity of a change in direction
• I trust God
• God solved my alcoholism
• God has solved all other problems to date
• So God will solve this problem too
• If something can't be 'solved' ...
• ... it's not a problem: it's a situation
• Situations are not good or bad: they're simply scenarios to process
• There is therefore no need for fear

So, that's the theory.

What's the practice?

• Take my life
• Divide it into roles
• E.g.: Husband, homeowner, housekeeper, businessman, lecturer, sponsor, sponsee, AA member, community member ...
• Divide each role into live 'projects' (= scenarios to process), e.g.
• Homeowner:
• Replace gas central heating system
• With each role, project-manage it:
• Break it into sub-projects, e.g.
• Homeowner:
• Replace gas central heating system:
• Commission an installer
• Identify potential suppliers
• Obtain quotations
• Review quotations
• Conclude a contract
• Commission scaffolding
• Get planning permission from the local authority
• Get permission from the freeholder
• Arrange for time off work
• Inform other household members
• Prepare flat for work
• Triage into:
• Balls that are in my court
• Balls that are in other people's courts
• Balls in my court
• Take the action
• Steer (monitor + adjust)
• Complete
• Balls in others' courts
• Put the ball in their court
• Monitor
• Follow-up
• Redirect (in the case of a dead end)
• When I can't decide
• Consult those affected
• Consult experts
• Consult God
• Ask for help
• Pray
• Meditate
• Decide

This gives me:

• A list of things to do (balls that are in my court)
• A list of balls that are in other people's courts

I schedule the things to do today.

If possible, take actions as soon as possible rather than as late as possible.

If it must be done today, do it today.

If it can be done today, do it today, even if it does not need to be done today.

Get ahead, because you don't know what's coming.

Fill the day reasonably with useful activities.

Then stop, relax, look after yourself, and have fun.

If I'm maximally proactive, I'm literally doing everything I can ...

... so anything I can't do today goes in the God box: God will give me the wherewithal in the due season.

Repeat this planning exercise daily when planning for the day (page 86).

This ensures I can leave my head 'clear and empty', because I'm maxing out on fulfilling my duties.

When I've done my part, I can let go of the results.

Until I know what my part is and have done it, I cannot let go of the results.

If I am still struggling to let go of the results, I have an attachment.

An attachment is a belief that my well-being depends on a material circumstance.

Attachments are mistakes.

A solution to attachment:

Nothing real can be threatened.

Nothing unreal exists.

Herein lies the peace of God.

My job is to believe this by applying this solution until I know it is true.

I apply this by applying it practically to the situation:

The physical fabric of my flat can be threatened. But nothing real exists. So the physical fabric of my flat does not exist.

My image of myself can be threatened. But nothing real exists. So my image of myself does not exist.

Once a person has completed the Twelve Steps in Alcoholics Anonymous, problems can still arise, even decades later. Step Twelve suggests we practise these principles in all our affairs. Here is a format for applying the Twelve Steps to a problem.* **

*Bonus: for each Step, the experience can be deepened by reading the relevant section of the book Alcoholics Anonymous and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, alone or with a friend or friends, placing oneself in the text, saying, 'Did this happen to me?' 'Do I think like that?' 'Do I feel like that?' and turning statements into questions, e.g. (page 60) 'Am I driven by a hundred forms of fear?'. The actions below can also be supplemented and fleshed out using the contents of the two books. The labels on the right side of the desktop version of https://first164.blogspot.com/ also provide access to materials on individual steps and/or parts of the step in question. But don't get bogged down. Be as thorough as necessary but as swift as possible. We're here to get the job done, and to get the job done properly, but not to wallow in recovery-related activity or indulge ourselves in interesting but pointless 'alconomics'. We're here to wake up and live out a useful relationship with God in the world, not dream interesting dreams on our own.

For great insight into the Steps, listen to the following speakers (available from many websites): Don P (Colorado); Father Tom W (Oakland); Sandy B (Florida); Bob B (Minnesota); Clint H (California); Mike L (Indiana); Dr Paul O (Laguna Beach); Bob O (Colorado); Gary B (Indiana); Paul M (Riverside); Marilyn S (Los Angeles); Clancy I (Los Angeles); Tom I (North Carolina); Mildred F (Toronto); Don C (Colorado); Mark H (Texas); Joe H. (Colorado, California).

** If you get stuck, consult wiser friends and/or a sponsor/spiritual advisor.

Step 0: What is the problem?

Compulsive sexual activity? Compulsive use of sex / dating apps? Sexual / romantic intrigue? Overeating? Undereating? Gambling? Fear? Anger? Guilt / shame? Materialism? What else?

Give a brief description of the problem. What is the mental pattern or behaviour pattern that needs to change?

When you consider changing the pattern, what pain or fear do you experience?

What benefit are you getting out of holding onto the pattern?

What will it cost you if the pattern does not change?

What would you gain if the pattern does change?

How has this pattern threatened or damaged your important relationships?

Has this pattern made your home life unhappy?

Have you lost self-respect and/or reputation due to this pattern?

Has this pattern caused any type of illness?

Does anyone enable you to act out this pattern?

How are the people around you affected by this pattern?

How do the people around you respond to this pattern?

How you have tried to fix, change, or control this pattern (give examples)?

What emotions or states are you using this pattern to avoid, suppress, alter, control, or relieve?

Why do you think you're stuck?

Are you willing to do anything to be relieved of this problem?

If you are willing, you are ready to take certain steps.

1. We admitted we were powerless over ...— that our lives had become unmanageable.

Consider powerlessness as you would with alcohol:

'I keep starting, despite knowing I shouldn't (mental obsession). And when I start, I can't moderate or stop (physical craving).'

Consider unmanageability as you would with alcohol:

'If I keep starting, I can't moderate, and I can't stop, who or what is in control of ('managing') my life and how I experience it?'

(Answer: the ego, the devil, the yetzer hara, the animal soul, the disease, the addiction ... however you describe it, it ain't you!)

What tools of the programme have I been using to solve the problem?

To what extent have they worked/failed?

Where are the gaps?

Why do I think they have failed to solve the problem?

Am I powerless, at my current level of understanding, to solve the problem?

Is my life therefore unmanageable?

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

What false idols have I been worshipping rather than God? (See Annex One below)

What problems has a Higher Power solved before in my life?

Do I know anyone who reports the Higher Power solving a problem like this in their lives?

Do I believe that the Higher Power can solve this problem, too?

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Am I willing to trust God with this area?

Am I willing to re-surrender the rest of my life to God along with this area?

Am I willing to take the remaining Steps in this area?

Am I willing to continue taking the remaining Steps in the rest of my life?

If so: take Step Three (see page 63 of the Big Book).

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

'Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man’s. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.'

Write out the answers to these eight questions in this area and any related or troublesome area.

If resentment, fear, and sex are particularly troublesome in this area, write out the relevant inventories as well.

Forgive anyone who needs to be forgiven (page 67).

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Read out the inventory (or a summary of it) and discuss it with another person.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all—every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

When ready, we say something like this: 'My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.' We have then completed Step Seven.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Make the list! Become willing!

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Make amends!

Write out a vision of God's will (the overall destination) and a sane and sound ideal (what I should believe, think, and do) in this area and any related or troublesome area.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Measure my daily progress against the vision of God's will and sane and sound ideal.

Adjust the vision and ideal as necessary.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Work tirelessly to raise my consciousness to a higher level. The purpose of my life is to be in touch with the One Power and to attune myself to that Power.

If you do not feel that God is with you, powering you, and providing you with light and joy all throughout every day, consider rereading and applying all of the contents of Emmet Fox's book Power Through Constructive Thinking in every free moment for 40 days. Download a copy to your phone, and download the audiobook version. Listen constantly. Learn the prayers he suggests off by heart and repeat them morning, noon, and night.

If you're Jewish, subscribe to various different daily and weekly emails from https://www.chabad.org/ and listen to Chabad Radio (available 24 hours a day) on the app. Study Torah. Rabbi Gordon's classes on Torah and Tanya, available as podcasts and on the website, are particularly enlightening, entertaining, and engrossing.

For a whackier approach, try A Course In Miracles, and in particular listen to one of the best ACIM teachers, Ken Wapnick, here: https://facimstore.org/collections/mp3-download (not free of charge). For free classes go to https://www.youtube.com/user/annakujawa1 or  https://www.youtube.com/c/EARLPURDY/featured.

Check out the videos below.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to ..., and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Share how God has solved my problem, far and wide.

---

Annex One: False idols and dependencies

Here are some of the false idols and dependencies we have tried: Sex, money, power, prestige, comfort, thrills, and appearance.

'Sex' can include hunting for it and having it.

'Money' can include acquiring it, hoarding it, and spending it.

'Power' can include rescuing, policing, bullying, stalking, reform and crusade, over-organisation, living by rules, restriction, asceticism, worry, scheming, and dominating others.

'Prestige' can include pride (what others think of us), self-esteem (what we think of ourselves), attachment to identity (ethnicity, nationality, religion including a specific branch thereof, background, social status, economic status, career status, sex, gender, sexuality, political beliefs, ideology), and spiritual prestige (being good, nice, wise, calm, free of character defects, sought-after, 'recovered', useful, effective, efficient, harmonious, devout or pious, observant, learned, knowledgeable, skilled).

'Comfort' can include food and beverages, numbing out with entertainment, news and other media, social media, compulsive use of electronic devices, computer games, and apps, surrounding ourselves with people, constant activity, constant talking, constant texting, talking about feelings to avoid feeling them, withdrawing from society, duvet-diving, obsessive thinking, meditating to disassociate or zen out ('being a bliss ninny'), and inducing physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social exhaustion.

'Thrills' can include risk-taking, danger-seeking, gambling, romance, exercise-related highs, fantasy, nostalgia, inducing physical injury or pain, engaging in aberrant, immoral, or antisocial behaviour in order to wallow in guilt and shame, creating crises, creating drama, and creating situations from which we require rescue.

'Appearance' can include the fostering of an image, clothes, cosmetic procedures and surgery, make-up & grooming, bodybuilding, body-sculpting, and weight control. We could increase the list ad infinitum.

---

Annex Two: Video resources to support the Twelve Steps

Rabbi Dr Abraham Twerski: Decisions

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSD2QHXoLP0

Rabbi Manis Friedman: Existing vs living

https://youtu.be/ev_jBAqCUaA

Rabbi Moshe Bryski: The Courage to Change

https://www.chabad.org/multimedia/video_cdo/aid/1318390/jewish/The-Courage-to-Change.htm

Rabbi Shais Taub: You Ruined My Life! Getting Over Resentment

https://www.chabad.org/1780349

Rabbi Tali Loewenthal: How and Why of Chassidic Prayer

https://www.chabad.org/multimedia/video_cdo/aid/2250676/jewish/The-How-and-Why-of-Chassidic-Prayer.htm

Shimona Tzukernik: A Life Worth Living

https://www.chabad.org/1525095

Rabbi Manis Friedman: Something from Nothing

https://www.chabad.org/897055

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Steinberg

The Biological Interface of the Brain and the Soul

("There are scientists who believe that the mind is wholly material. But this position leaves many important neurological questions unanswered. Scientific and religious arguments both indicate that mind, soul and life in general, are likely irreducible to a purely biological explanation.")

(Rabbi Dr. Abraham Steinberg is a senior pediatric neurologist and Chief of Internal Medicine B at Shaare Zedek Hospital in Jerusalem. He is Professor of Medicine at the Hebrew University where he directs the Center for Medical Ethics. He is the author of many books and articles on Jewish medical ethics, general medical ethics, the history of medicine and pediatric neurology. In 1999 he was awarded the prestigious Israel Prize for his multi volume “Encyclopedia of Medicine and Halacha.”)

https://www.chabad.org/2425624

Rabbi Shais Taub: Honour your mother and father; a spiritual view on the challenges of the fifth commandment

https://www.chabad.org/multimedia/video_cdo/aid/1421493/jewish/Honor-Your-Mother-and-Father.htm

Rabbi Yitzchok Schochet: Prozac for the Soul?

https://www.chabad.org/4256230

Rabbi Shais Taub: Finding Yourself, Finding G-d

https://www.chabad.org/multimedia/audio_cdo/aid/3006547/jewish/Finding-Yourself-Finding-G-d.htm

Rabbi Shais Taub: My Name is and I am a human being

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROMnFTl0ZGo 

Eckhardt Tolle: How to deal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKpmXhGVMxI

Earl Purdy & Anna Kujawa on special relationships

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB9EAB447298905C4

'It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee—Thy will (not mine) be done.’" These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.' (Page 85, Big Book)

'Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worthwhile to us now.  Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have—the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.' (Page 124, Big Book)

'Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.' (Page 77, Big Book)

'God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.' (Page 164, Big Book)

Putting these together, I can ask God, every day, how I can place myself in a position where God can use my experiences, story, knowledge, action, and results to help others through me.

I can actively create opportunities by:

• hanging out with other people in recovery
• participating in recovery events
• doing service
• going to meetings
• getting there early and leaving late
• reaching out to those who are new or struggling
• building relationships with these people
• constantly asking God to work through me, before, during, and after such experiences.

I’ve learned a lot in AA. I will share that with anyone who is desperate enough to do the work required, rapidly, to have a spiritual awakening, and would like to know how the Big Book might help them if they apply its contents. I will share with people from any fellowship. How is that possible? I’m sharing what I have. I can’t share what I don’t have but I must share what I do have. I must not withhold what I have on the grounds of false humility or fear. If my time is literally maxed out, I will redirect the person to the many dozens of people I know who also offer what I offer.

What if someone asks a question I can’t answer because it’s not part of my experience? I tell them they’ll have to ask someone who does have relevant experience. If they need to run through Step One in part or in full with someone who shares the exact same addiction or problem, great! If they need to discuss bottom lines and top lines with someone from a different fellowship, great! The more the merrier. This is a team effort. If they want to talk to loads of old-timers, too, great! They take themselves through the Steps; I’m just a conveyer of information and a provider of a framework. They are responsible—as was I—for building the team of black-belt, gold-star, God-dependent helpers. But I can still help them understand the fundamental principles of addiction described in the Big Book and the fundamental principles of the AA programme, which, between Steps Two and Eleven, are largely identical from fellowship to fellowship.

If they are super new and have no Twelve Step fellowship experience, then they’re probably best off with someone with really similar problems, to establish the bond of identification. But lots of requests in Twelve Step world come to AA Big Bookers from people in other fellowships who have already done the Steps and are looking for extra experience about the Big Book because it’s either totally lacking locally or there simply aren’t enough sponsors to go round locally, so they look elsewhere. In an ideal world, all requests, say, from Al-Anons could be satisfied by Al-Anons. But we’re not in an ideal world. Until all of the other fellowships are groaning with people who understand the Big Book and its contents, we’re going to have to help out, and that, too, is a team effort: not just for people with over twenty years, but for all of us.

In all this endeavour, I remember I’m just there to share my experience and provide guidance on how to replicate the result that was achieved in me: a spiritual awakening. I’m not the be-all-and-end-all to anyone; I’m not a substitute for either God or the full forces of a Twelve-Step fellowship. I don’t have to wait to be an expert. I don’t have to know all the answers. I just need to share what I’ve been given. Here it is: make of it what you will.

Sometimes people withhold because they lack confidence, don’t know all the answers, or haven’t got it all worked out. This is hubristic and predicated on the idea that a sponsor (i.e. the sharing guide) should have self-confidence, should know all the answers, and should have it all worked out. Wrong. We have God-confidence and allow God to work through us; we encourage the other person to develop a relationship with God, too. We share answers that we do have; if we don’t have an answer, we ask around or redirect the individual to someone who does have the answer. And we don’t work it out: we might start out with a plan, but God guides me differently with every person, and how I guide people changes over time as I learn what works and what doesn’t work. Trying to figure it out rather than jumping in, learning on the job, and trusting God is the way I keep God out of it. I need to keep God totally in the mix.

We learn by doing. We don’t figure it out, get perfect, and then start doing.

On this topic, I heard the following, which may be of interest.

Rabbi Yehoshua Gordon, audio/video class on the 4^th portion of the Torah portion Bamidbar.

https://www.chabad.org/multimedia/rabbigordon_cdo/aid/1208729/jewish/Rabbi-Gordon-Bamidbar-4th-Portion.htm

“I want to just point out something here that I think is of critical importance. Let us not think for a minute that we have to go to a great yeshiva and be ordained as a rabbi and become a great Torah scholar and learn the whole Talmud backwards and forwards and memorise it and THEN we could become someone’s teacher. No. We could study Torah right here, whether we’re learning this live right here, or we’re seeing it on the Internet, and then we can take the subject matter of what we learn, a little later today, and share it with someone, and then we have become that person’s teacher. There is so much potential that we have, so that, if you ever wake up in the morning and you say, ‘oh another day, I don’t know, my life has no meaning!’ go encounter someone, find someone, share the last Torah thought you studied with them: you become their teacher; you can literally transform their lives, and one does not have to be a great scholar in order to accomplish that.

And I’ll quote the Rebbe, who was my teacher; the Rebbe said: When a person is introduced to a new study, for example, somebody comes and teaches him a brilliant new teaching; ‘What’s the new teaching?’, he says, ‘You know what, he says, you know what, there’s an alef, there’s a bet, there’s a gimel, there’s a dalet; now repeat after me: alef, bet, gimel, dalet. OK, we’ll continue tomorrow.’ Before tomorrow comes, when he meets someone, he has to say, ‘You know what, I found out: alef, bet, gimel, dalet!’ ‘OK, what comes after that?’ ‘Tomorrow!’

So that becoming someone’s teacher does not mean you have to become an accomplished scholar; you just have to care enough to share, and those who do, know how much they accomplish. The Alter Rebbe writes in his introduction to Tanya, his famous introduction to Tanya, ... Those who can teach, don’t hold back your teaching, because those who, G-d forbid, refuse to teach to someone else, when they’re able to, they are really doing something that’s not good, they’re messing ... I don’t even want to go on and say what the Alter Rebbe says. So that every one of us has an obligation and an opportunity to teach anyone and everyone we encounter, and that is the greatest privilege that we have, and it’s an opportunity that repeats itself every day and every hour and every moment.”

Extract from the Tanya referred to:

‘And to those scholars, I urge you to be forthcoming with advice, do not to place “a hand upon your mouth” (Proverbs 30: 32), to, G-d forbid, act with false humility and modesty, claiming that you do not know the answer when, in fact, you do. The bitter punishment for “one who withholds (spiritual) sustenance” (ibid. 11: 26), is well known (from Talmud, Sanhedrin 91b), and, conversely, the great reward, for sharing Torah wisdom is also well known, from our Sages’ teaching (Talmud, Temurah 16a) on the verse (Proverbs 29: 13), that when one who is poor in wisdom is enlightened by one rich in wisdom, it is mutually beneficial, and “G-d gives light to the eyes of both of them.” For when the scholar will assist a reader in understanding this book, “G-d will shine His face upon (both of) you” (see Numbers 6: 25), “the light of the King’s face, which is life” (Proverbs 16: 15).’

Miller, Chaim. The Practical Tanya—Part One—The Book for Inbetweeners Kol Menachem.

Glossary:

Alef, bet, gimel, and dalet are the first four letters of the Hebrew alphabet.

Alter Rebbe: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shneur_Zalman_of_Liadi

Talmud: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talmud

Tanya: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanya

Torah: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torah

Yeshiva: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yeshiva

The solution to alcoholism is the service of God through Step Twelve.

This means that being in the solution means being in Step Twelve (with Steps Ten and Eleven as the method), the first nine Steps having been completed.

To this end, the first nine Steps must be completed swiftly.

If an individual is not completing the first nine Steps swiftly, the goal of practising Step Twelve as the urgently required solution for alcoholism is not being pursued.

The solution is required urgently for alcoholics: the state of untreated alcoholism is one in which the individual could drink at any time and, if they drink, might never stop.

Any dallying means that Step One is not understood or not believed or that the individual does not care whether they are consumed by alcoholism.

I appreciate clear sharing. Clear sharing provides me with information or instructions I can implement. If sharing is not clear, it might entertain me or inspire me in the moment, but it has no lasting effect. This is called 'frothy emotional appeal'.

Clear sharing tends to comprise the following five points. The order varies depending on the content.

• Make a point.
• Explain the point.
• Illustrate the point with an example.
• Reference the literature.
• Place it in the context of the programme.

Q: If I'm at a thing. A conference. A hotel. A nail salon. You know. With strange people. Do I tell them I'm in AA if the opportunity arises?

A: Yes. But make sure there's no TV camera running. It's anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, film, and public Internet forms. But in other settings? Everything goes. This is a major way we carry the message. Occasionally career considerations will militate against this. But rarely. So tell people. There. Drop the baloney about humility. You didn't get yourself sober so it's not humble to conceal it. It's denying God a means to work through you.

My attitude: there are people that need help in AA, and we have but a daily reprieve. I have never found maintaining my sobriety inappropriate, and I have never found helping others to a resolution of their problems inappropriate.

I never question my continued extremely active engagement in AA because I don’t have the right to leave new suffering alcoholics to fend for themselves and I don’t have the right to expect others to do the job for me.

I fit myself to AA. It is not a garment I discard because it no longer suits me. I have never prayed to God and been given the answer, ‘stop serving Me; stop helping others.’

I love AA, but even when I don’t I continue taking indicated action and soon enough I love it again.

This approach has solved every single mental, emotional, psychological, material, and social problem I have ever had.

The Big Book, right up to page 164 (and also beyond) frequently sets out principles and how to apply them. For instance, page 117 talks about not disagreeing in a resentful or critical spirit, page 96 talks about not flogging a dead horse in a sponsorship setting, etc. The contents of the Big Book up to page 164 are the AA programme, and the Twelve Steps as set out on page 59 summarise this programme. The principles themselves are scattered throughout.

A good way to establish whether something is a principle is to ask yourself whether any particular line or instruction contains an idea that could be fruitfully used more broadly in one's life.

The answer to alcoholism (and most other problems) is serving God by helping others, chiefly through sponsorship.

Here's how to find people to work with:

• Make sure your own house is in order (Steps One to Eleven).
• Go to lots of meetings, in particular meetings with a lot of people who are new or struggling.
• Get there early, leave late, and stay for fellowship. Don't sit there staring at your phone. Talk to people. If you don't know anyone, hard luck: talk to people anyway. Ask God for inspiration and guidance in the moment.
• At meetings, pray constantly to be of maximum service and to keep an eye out for people you might be able to help or otherwise build a relationship with.
• Get numbers of people new or struggling and build relationships with them, letting them know that you're available to help (although not pushing it further than that).
• Share at every meeting, honestly and with a presentation of the solution you have been shown, exactly what you did, and the excellent results you got.
• Get on a twelfth-steppers list so you are likely to be called to make first contact with newcomers.
• Be thoroughly familiar with the contents of the Big Book and in particular the instructions on taking the Steps.
• Be certain of the procedure you are going to follow (typically but not always the precise process you went through with your own sponsor).
• If you are going to be using handouts or similar, have the online link available to give out or otherwise be prepared to give the instructions immediately to anyone who asks. Maybe have a physical copy of the first assignment with you at all times.
• Be prepared with a list of daily or weekly tasks or tips you expect a sponsee to carry out. Consider having this in hard copy and carrying round a few copies with you.
• Endeavour to make this your number one priority, and pray every morning to maximise your opportunities to help other people.
• If, on a particular day, you do not have a phone or face to face appointment with a sponsee, go to a meeting.
• Strip from within you any shred of resistance, fear, reluctance, or other impediment. You're in charge of your own consciousness, not anyone else, and it's time to step up to the plate and take responsibility: anything that gets in the way of serving God must go.
• Remember: you agreed at the start to go to any lengths for victory of alcohol or whatever else ails you.

In other words: be prepared and create the conditions in which God can work most effectively.

There is no problem. There is only God. I can opt to serve God, or I can wallow and wade and wander in dark wilderness avoiding this only true option.

A heart overflowing with gratitude has no room for resentment or fear, and gratitude will attract gratitude: whatever I project into the world will be reflected back at me.

What is the basis for gratitude? Humility: the recognition of the nothingness of self and the all-ness of God, and the corollary: all good comes from God (via the True Self) and no good comes from self (the false self). This humility is the basis of anonymity: identity = the false self. No self means there is nothing to harm, and there is no possibility of fear or resentment.

So, on the basis of gratitude, humility, and anonymity, I launch into the week with one desire and one desire only: to serve God and to carry this message of recovery into every corner of my life.

How?

Sponsorship
Sharing (in all modes, wherever I encounter unrecovered, recovering, or recovered alcoholics)
Service

How else?

Practising these principles in all our affairs. But the 'how' comes before the 'how else'.

Get to it!

After you've been through the Steps a couple of times, you're a few years sober, and things are going well, it is time to become a leader. What does this mean? Well, it certainly does not mean taking command. It does mean taking action however.

The main features are these:

• Acting as a co-custodian of the traditions and concepts at your 'base camp' home group.
• Starting a new Big Book-based, step-focused 'outreach' group (away from the home group you got sober in), preferably in a part of town where there is a great need for solid recovery but where there are few if any Big Book or step meetings.
• Engaging in service above group level to take a role in running the AA service structure and in carrying AA's message to the outside world.

Not all questions will apply at all stages of recovery. Ideally, all of the following forms of Twelfth-Step work should be undertaken over the course of the day, week, month, or year, accordingly:

• Sponsorship (a rough guide: a person should be able to handle at least one for every year of sobriety, so someone ten years sober should be able to handle around ten sponsees as a minimum)
• Attendance at a home group every week unless dead, out of town, or contagious
• Service at a home group
• Unless active step work is being undertaken daily with sponsees, attendance at additional meetings to generate opportunities for sponsorship
• Attendance at weekly AA meetings to carry a strong message where it is needed the most
• Service within the AA service structure (intergroup, convention committee, workshop committee, area, district, region, national sub-committee, conference, general service board)
• Writing for an AA publication
• Writing own AA and recovery-related materials to publish anonymously online
• Engagement in online AA forums
• Attendance at weak AA meetings to carry a strong message where it is needed the most
• Speaking at treatment centres, rehabs, etc.
• Carrying the message to the outside world through public information work and/or through the local telephone service
• Talking on a daily basis to newcomers or other people who are struggling
• Long-distance sponsorship (e.g. to people in prison, 'loners', and people in places where there is little or no strong AA)
• Work to improve knowledge of the traditions, concepts, service and structure manuals, and AA history
• Presence on all relevant lists of twelfth-steppers available to the local AA telephone services.

The AA pledge (above) suggests that AA should never say 'no' to a reasonable, relevant request. At the individual level, this looks like it means we say 'yes' to all AA requests. It does not. It means we're responsible for making sure AA says 'yes' to all AA requests, provided that they are reasonable and relevant. We're not, for instance, responsible when someone asks for money or lodging. With the reasonable, relevant requests, almost all of the time, I discharge the duty myself. Occasionally the duty is best served by being discharged by someone else, in which case I pass the job on to them. This is not because I don't want to do it but because, for instance, I have a sponsee who is fairly new and is desperate to find someone to work with, and has several hours a day free to give to that person, whereas I might be able to offer a couple of hours a week. I do this also so that I am free to handle requests that come in that I am specially positioned to meet. The trade-off is not between self and God but between intensive work and extensive work, the former being what God is commissioning me to do. But I temper this with the offer for the person to continue calling me. If God has placed someone in my life, there is a reason, and I never shut the door on anyone or say I won't talk to them. Phone calls are available to anyone, provided I can be useful, and missed phone calls get returned within 24 hours.

It is possible to swing so far the other way, i.e. making sure that every request is met but not, ourselves, pulling our weight. That's a very obvious way of not doing God's will, as we're simply leaving it to others and then acting only as the final safety net or fuse in the fuse box. This is less dangerous, as it's hard to conceal to ourselves for long that we're not stepping up to the plate.

The most insidious form of self-reliance is to do a lot of service or sponsorship but to set boundaries on the basis that we won't be able to cope with more. There is no trust that God will help us find a way. This means that we do not reach our potential, as it is only when the pressure is applied that we're forced to grow to a new level where our intensive (not extensive) work with other alcoholics (page 89 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous) forces us to work smarter and quicker, as we grow in understanding and effectiveness (page 84).

This is partial surrender, compliance in the place of surrender, following God's will provided it's not hard or inconvenient, provided there are no sacrifices. This is not following God's will. This is getting by on just enough, with our own ideas of what we think is enough. It blocks God from truly working through us, as it leaves Him with one hand tied behind His back. It also means that there are going to be other false Gods, other false idols, other false north stars guiding us, grabbing our attention, and zapping our energy.

What is the result? Service becomes tiring because we're doing it on our strength not God's; life becomes tiring because the ego's demands are never satisfied and the ego takes more than it yields. What happens next? We pull back further, we pull up the drawbridge earlier, and we retreat even further into self-reliance.

When I have fallen into this trap, I have believed I can get by with only partial relief of selfishness. I want to abandon the bits of self that get in my way, and get just enough benefits of the programme that I have some relief from running on self in other areas of my life. But it stops short of full abandonment:


(Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step 6)

There are several passages in the Big Book that suggest complete abandonment of self:




(Alcoholics Anonymous, page 14 et seq.)

Note that this is not just serving when it suits us: 'self-sacrifice' is a grand term, and denotes less martyrdom and more the abandonment of selfish desires.


(Alcoholics Anonymous, page 15)

Self-abandonment, again, is a strong term.

Exactly how 'abandoned' do we need to be?

Step Six is about the abandonment of limited objectives:


(Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step 6)

The limited objectives are where we take on just enough service to satisfy ourselves we are doing enough: but if the requests are still coming through, God's calling us. This is where we need to step out of our comfort zone into the danger of performing God's will when we are frightened it will be too much. We must never forget that it is God who provides the strength and direction. We are responsible not for the work but for entrusting the work to God to be performed through us. Then we're free, and the burden is light or non-existent. It becomes a joy; it is like flying.


(Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step 7)

What we're interested in is the 'true purpose' of our lives: not our purpose but God's purpose. In Step Three, it asks us to turn our lives, not part of our lives, over to God. God does not care one jot for our personal ambitions. He wants to use us. This is wild, dangerous self-abandonment. But don't forget: what we get out of this is a working faith, a faith that actually gives us access to strength and intelligence beyond our own.


(Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step 7)

This final passage from the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions summarises the content of the previous passage: we do not get to live our own lives, we get to live the lives that God wants us to live, which may be radically different from what we have in mind.

Let's look at what this looks like practically:

Questions	Reference or answer
Should an alcoholic get special treatment just because they are in recovery?	Page 122:1.[1] No. Just because a person is in recovery, they don’t get free passes or special treatment. We have God behind us. We don’t need free passes or special treatment. In fact, with God behind us, and the programme ahead of us, we have greater responsibilities than those without the programme and structure of AA.
What is the common ground of a relationship?	Page 122:1. The common ground of tolerance, understanding, and love. That means there is no room for criticism, intolerance, or impatience. Instead: try to understand where people are coming from and why they are doing what they are doing, and above all accept things as they are. Love means doing things for fun and for free expecting nothing in return. The concept of common ground means that we each have our own private ground and individual lives, to which we are entitled privacy.
Where do problems in families or other groups come from?	Page 122. ·         Having fixed ideas about the family’s attitude towards you. ·         Being interested in having your wishes respected. ·         Demanding others concede. ·         Playing the lead. ·         Trying to arrange the family show to your liking. ·         Trying to see what you can take from family life rather than give. NB this applies to any group dynamic.
What mistakes do the family of someone in recovery make?	Page 123:1 onwards. ·         Remembering good times in the past and comparing today’s life unfavourably against them. ·         Demanding that the good times be brought back instantly. ·         Believing God owes them something. ·         Not realising that an even better life lies ahead but that it takes years. ·         Reproaching the recovering person. ·         Burying the skeletons of the past in a dark closet and padlocking the door. ·         Believing that happiness requires forgetfulness. ·         Digging up past misdeeds so they become a blight. ·         Unearthing old affairs and angrily casting their ashes around. ·         Criticising or laughing at other people. Page 131:0 onwards. ·         In families where the non-alcoholic assumed all responsibilities, not adjusting when the alcoholic is once more able to take their rightful place. ·         Demanding that the alcoholic give them all their attention and stay at home.
What should the family of someone in recovery do instead?	Page 123:1 onwards. ·         Admire them for what they are trying to be rather than what they are trying to get. ·         Be willing to turn the past to good account. ·         Face and rectify errors and convert them into assets. ·         When the occasion requires, bring even grievous former mistakes out of their hiding places to show others how we were given help—but do not discuss past occurrences unless some good and useful purpose is to be served. ·         Temper talk of each other by a spirit of love and tolerance. ·         Do not relate intimate experiences of another person unless we are sure they would approve. ·         Stick to our own stories. Page 127:1 onwards. ·         See own shortcomings and admit them to others. ·         Avoid heated argument, self-pity, self-justification, or resentful criticism. ·         Ask less and give more: giving rather than getting is the guiding principle. Page 130:2 onwards. ·         Apply spiritual principles yourself. ·         Adopt a sane spiritual programme and make good practical use of it. ·         Yield.
What are the pitfalls for the alcoholic in recovery in relation to family life? How should the family respond to each? How should the alcoholic respond?	Page 125:3 onwards. Plunging into a frantic attempt to get on their feet in business (symptoms on page 126:1–2). Response by the family: ·         Don’t criticise—it makes the impasse worse. ·         Recognise the alcoholic is still convalescing. ·         Be grateful for their sobriety and ability to ‘be of this world’ once more. ·         Praise progress. ·         Remember how long it takes to repair damage. ·         Pursue tolerance, love, and spiritual understanding. Response by the alcoholic: ·         Don’t place money first. ·         Remember that material wellbeing follows spiritual progress. ·         Exert oneself in the home. ·         Show unselfishness and love. Talking or thinking of little other than their new life (symptoms on page 128:1–2). Response by the family: ·         Appreciate that this is but a phase. ·         Do not criticise. ·         Do not try to change them. ·         Let them go as far as they like in helping other alcoholics. Response by the alcoholic: ·         Recognise that there is a distortion of values—a spiritual life which does not include his family obligations is imperfect.
Are there obligations outside recovery and the home?	Page 131:2 onwards. Make new acquaintances who know nothing of alcoholism and give thoughtful consideration to their needs. Give attention to the problems of the community. (Optionally) make contact with or take membership in a religious body, avoiding argument, instead making new friends and finding new avenues of usefulness and pleasure.
Is there room for fun in recovery?	We absolutely insist on enjoying life.
How should we respond to politics?	We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world's troubles on our shoulders.
What do we do when we see anyone in need? And what is the boundary of this?	When we see a man sinking into the mire that is alcoholism, we give him first aid and place what we have at his disposal. For his sake, we do recount and almost relive the horrors of our past. But those of us who have tried to shoulder the entire burden and trouble of others find we are soon overcome by them.
Whose fault is unhappiness, and how should we deal with adversity?	We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn't do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence.
What advice is given on health matters?	But this does not mean that we disregard human health measures. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. … Try to remember that though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Their services are often indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward.
What advice is given on sex?	Page 134:1.
What advice is given on how to get on with the children of the family?	Page 134:2–3.
What are the promises of this chapter?	Old buildings will eventually be replaced by finer ones. The alcoholic’s past becomes the principal asset of the family and frequently the only one. Your dark past is the greatest possession you have—the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. You have barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if you mine it for the rest of your life and insist on giving away the entire product. Those of us who have spent much time in the world of spiritual make-believe have eventually seen the childishness of it. This dream world has been replaced by a great sense of purpose, accompanied by a growing consciousness of the power of God in our lives. We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our fellow travellers are, and that is where our work must be done. These are the realities for us. We have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness. He and his family can be a bright spot in such congregations. He may bring hope and new courage to many a priest, minister, or rabbi, who gives his all to minister to our troubled world. We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. We are convinced that a spiritual mode of living is a most powerful health restorative. We, who have recovered from serious drinking, are miracles of mental health. But we have seen remarkable transformations in our bodies. Hardly one of our crowd now shows any mark of dissipation.
What are the three slogans of this chapter?	First Things First Live and Let Live Easy Does It.

Questions	Answers
Why do we carry this message to others?	To stay sober. To reap the spiritual benefits. Because we can help where no one else can.
What do we have to remember when working with others?	They are very sick.
Where and what are the Step Twelve promises?	Page 89:2. Page 100:1. Page 100:4.
What are the general spiritual principles of public information work?	Do not be an evangelist or a reformer. Do not criticise. Cooperate. Aim only to help.
In which two domains does AA look for alcoholics to help?	Medicine and religion—although there are other domains today (employment, charitable sector, prisons, probation services, etc.). Today, alcoholics are found through the AA service structure, so get a role within the AA service structure.
What are the general principles of twelfth stepping someone?	1.       Once you have established contact, let them initiate all further contact. 2.       Put yourself in the shoes of the person you are approaching and ask yourself how you would like to be approached if the tables were turned. 3.       Communicate with them at their level. 4.       Be sane, quiet, and full of human understanding. 5.       Do not try to convince them they are an alcoholic. 6.       If they do not want to stop for good, do not try to persuade them. 7.       If they are not willing to go to any lengths, do not proceed. 8.       Do not hurry them. 9.       Do not offer a solution until they ask for it, but when they do, be candid about the solution and do not hold back. 10.    Do not try and fix their other problems. 11.    Do not suggest AA has a monopoly on recovery. 12.    If they are willing to proceed, use your experience to guide them.
How do you actually go about twelfth stepping someone, practically?	Pages 90–96.
How do you deal with the family of an alcoholic?	Suggest they be patient. Suggest they remember they are dealing with a sick person. Suggest they not be over-anxious. Warn against arousing resentment or jealousy. Warn them not to prompt or prod the alcoholic. Suggest they be grateful for the alcoholic’s sobriety—if, of course, they are sober! Offer them the programme (today, through Al-Anon). Do not participate in the family’s arguments. Give advice only through the sharing of experience. Do not criticise.
What does the chapter say about the balance between relying on God and relying on people?	Rely on God ahead of relying on people.
What are the two conditions for getting well?	Trust in God; clean house.
How should a person behave in the home?	Not be concerned with others’ faults. Concentrate on one’s own spiritual development. Do not argue. Be sober, considerate, and helpful regardless of what someone says and does. Repair the damage immediately if we get something wrong.
What is the advice to separated couples?	Page 99.
What does the chapter say about going to drinking places?	If there is a legitimate reason for being somewhere, go, but go in the right spirit (positive and giving). If not on solid spiritual ground, do not go, and find an alcoholic to help, instead.
What attitude should we have in general towards drinking?	Page 103.
What is the last piece of advice in the chapter?	Stop fighting anything or anyone.

The Big Book contains many principles, which are conveyed by describing how we should act in certain situations. These can be generalised as principles to be applied in analogous situations. Thus, the Big Book can set out a design for living for all situations without detailing every imaginable scenario.

Recently, I posted this:

‘To be a Big Book person means to present one's views quietly, calmly, sanely, without argument, rancour, exaggeration, cynicism, sarcasm, or the slightest criticism of others. We are taught to offer to others what we have been given, in good humour.’

Someone suggested that these principles might not necessarily be in the book.

Here are the quotations from which these principles can be derived:

Page 78: ‘His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result.’ Set out originally to discuss how to make amends, this set of principles holds true for all manner of human interactions.

Page 80: ‘After the sermon, he quietly got up and made an explanation.’ Again, the manner in which we make amends is ‘quiet’ as opposed, perhaps, to self-aggrandising or ostentatious. And again, a great principle for presenting any sensitive material to other people.

The same injunction to be ‘quiet’ can be found on page 115 concerning how the wife conveys her alcoholic husband’s problems to her friends: ‘While you need not discuss your husband at length, you can quietly let your friends know the nature of his illness.’

Page 94: ‘If your talk has been sane, quiet and full of human understanding, you have perhaps made a friend.’ This is a wonderful example of how we should carry the message to others.

Lack of exaggeration—sober presentation—is addressed in Tradition 11: ‘Our relations with the general public should be characterized by personal anonymity. We think A.A. ought to avoid sensational advertising.’

Regarding argument and tolerance on controversial matters:

‘Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. We shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal. Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people’s shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others.’ (Pages 19–20)

‘We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn’t treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.’ (Page 67)

‘Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue.’ (Page 77)

‘He should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. Argument and fault-finding are to be avoided like the plague.’ (Page 98)

‘It is of little use to argue and only makes the impasse worse.’ (Pages 126–127)

‘These family talks will be constructive if they can be carried on without heated argument, self-pity, self-justification or resentful criticism.’ (Page 127)

‘If he does not argue about religion, he will make new friends and is sure to find new avenues of usefulness and pleasure.’ (Page 132)

More regarding criticism:

‘The story of how you and your wife settled your difficulties is worth any amount of criticism.’ (Page 100)

‘A man may criticize or laugh at himself and it will affect others favourably, but criticism or ridicule coming from another often produces the contrary effect.’ (Interestingly this also covers the alternative: good humour.) (Page 125)

‘The opposite may happen should the family condemn and criticize. Dad may feel that for years his drinking has placed him on the wrong side of every argument, but that now he has become a superior person with God on his side. If the family persists in criticism, this fallacy may take a still greater hold on father.’ (Page 129)

Cynicism is regarded as an undesirable quality on pages 49, 132, 134, 204, and 351; rancour, on page 111 and 134; sarcasm (viewed as a character defect by Dr Bob), on page 263

This pretty much addresses all of the points contained in the original posting.

The above is a line you'll hear in one form or another from sponsees who are five, ten, fifteen, or twenty years sober.

You'll also hear:

'I feel disconnected'
'I need a new experience'
'I need to go through the work again'

'I went to a terrible meeting. What can I do about it?'

As you rove around AA, you will discover appalling phenomena. Meetings with nary a mention of alcohol but a cornucopia of detail about drug use; meetings with openly expressed hostility towards the steps, God, or doing anything to stay sober other than not drink; meetings where everyone's unhappy and sharing just to get a little bit of relief; meetings where the topic is how the only thing AA is good for is enabling you to get the real help elsewhere.

Your heart will sink. What do you do about it?

Well, first off, you can't change the whole of AA. Or even a group.

Don't go in with a bunch of people and try to mount a hostile takeover; don't go in undercover and try to change things via the group conscience; don't bombard them with cluster-bombs of BS-busting slogans and holier-than-thou 'I once thought that ... but now I've seen the light' articles of faith.

Why not? Well, I've tried it, and it doesn't help anyone, least of all me.

I do two things:

(1) I start a good home group myself. Solid structure; procedures to stop interlopers fooling with the structure; a strong focus on the Big Book and on welcoming and helping anyone who genuinely seeks help.

(2) I go periodically to all of the other meetings in my local area and quietly present what I was like, the actions I took, and what I am like now. Almost as though there is no one else there. No jargon. No angle. No preaching. No proselytising. No reform. No crusade. No one likes a know-it-all. Visibility to enable attraction; no promotion.

My job is not to disturb other people in their path, but to be visible as someone who has found 'a' (not 'the') solution, in case anyone on another path happens to be disillusioned and is looking, consciously or subconsciously, for something better.

When you don't drink, the day is long and the week is long. Some people do spend their AA lives lumbering from meeting to meeting and never engaging with the world again. There are certainly those with physical or mental problems standing in the way of full reintegration with society. But Step Twelve suggests we practise these principles in all our affairs, and one such affair is work.

On a daily basis, am I doing a plan for the day?
Am I getting done what is on the plan?
If not, why not?
Am I behind schedule or leaving things undone with family; friends; home; AA service; exercise; work; other activities?
How would others say I am treating them?
Would others say my attitude is positive or negative?
How do I talk about people who are not there?
Am I exercising?
Am I eating properly?
Am I getting enough sleep?
How is my behaviour with caffeine and sugar?
How much time is going on Step Eleven on a daily basis?
Am I communicating daily with people in the programme?
Am I falling foul of any of the following Big Book 'death threats':
(1) Resentment
(2) Ongoing harm to others
(3) Secrets
(4) Apologies not made
(5) Anything owed, financial or otherwise
(6) Complacency
(7) Not sacrificing self for others?
When did I last talk to God?
When did I last sit for fifteen minutes in silence and ask God to talk to me?

I went to a meeting tonight where there wasn't much programme and there wasn't much hope. My friend and I both shared what had worked for us and the fact that we have been given a solution in AA to every problem we have ever had.

A newcomer, still reeking of alcohol, made a beeline to us after the meeting. He said we'd given him hope. It was like watching something drawn by a magnet. We've taken his number and we'll be trying to take him to a few more meetings.

I cannot go to a bad meeting, because, if I go, I can carry a solution, so there is always a solution in the room in every meeting I go to.

I cannot go to a bad meeting, because, if others are there, there will be SOMEONE in need.

God does the match-making.

All we have to do is show up and be matched.

I have been taught that living in all three sides of the triangle of sobriety, recovery, and unity will keep you sober.

I agree.

One excellent opportunity for people to do service is at meetings, which require a lot of work.

A friend of mine from the US, who recently relapsed, has had to give up all of his service assignments because he no longer has the 90-day requirement, which, in the city in which he lives, is a requirement for any service at all, at least in the groups he is aware of.

At my home group, we do not have a 90-day requirement. This means very new people get to greet, make tea, set-up chairs, wash up cups after, and set out literature. We obviously would not give the role of secretary or treasurer to someone new. But someone new can perform these tasks quite well.

Occasionally there is some unreliability with newcomers, perhaps a little more than with people who have been sober for longer, but any exposure to AA over a considerable period of time will reveal that unreliability is by no means the preserve of people with less than 90 days.

Provided that the group is well organised, a no-show causes little or no genuine disruption anyway.

If you are new in AA, it is likely that other areas of your life are very messy or non-existent. It may well be that the only place where you have an opportunity for service is in AA itself. That was true for me when I was new.

I am grateful that I was afforded the opportunity from day 1 to be of service, and I had three or four service assignments a week from the beginning. This made me feel part of AA and made me feel useful and needed for the first time in a long time. It was the beginning of real spiritual recovery: I could be there for others. The time I was doing service was sometimes the only time I was not thinking about me.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous also suggests a turning outward to service and throughout emphasizes the danger of delay and the importance of prompt action. In the Chapter A Vision For You, Bill and Bob immediately start working with others.

Where I go to AA, newcomers get into service straight away and as sponsor as soon as they are asked, provided that they are well through the Steps, regardless of how long they have been sober.

There are no 90-day requirements for service.
There are no 1-year requirements for sponsorship.

If you are a real alcoholic in real trouble, you do not have that kind of time to hang around.

A quiet plea to those parts of AA where artificial rules are imposed: do not keep the solution from the people who need it the most.

"It works when other activities fail."

This means other activities will sometimes fail! Having working with others structurally integrated into my day and week means I am regularly saved from myself when nothing else saves me from myself. I naturally turn back in on myself, start 'wanting', and start judging myself and others for not fulfilling my wants. This happens quickly and easily.

I am so not cured. Applying the programme as a way of living is pretty automatic, these days, but it is not first nature; it is only ever second nature.

Working with others keeps me turned outwards.

"It works when other activities fail."

If I do not help, who will? This is where the moral obligation comes in.

I always wanted to know WHO I was. My real problem was not knowing where I belonged and what I was supposed to be doing with my life. This line is a starting point: if I do not help people, there will be a hole in the world where my help was supposed to go.

There is a screw for every nut in AA; everyone has been perfectly crafted by God through these Steps to be uniquely useful not just to alcoholics in general but to specific alcoholics. That is why the one-size-fits-all, Stepford Wives approach in AA I do not believe in: we are supposed to be different so we can help people who are different. The Steps are the same, but the crafting by God is individual.

"Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends—this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives."

These are the first Step Twelve promises.

The last line of this provides an instruction and a question: do I have frequent contact with newcomers and my peers?

'The' not 'a' bright spot: there is something that shines through this experience that is irreplaceable.

"Don't start out as an evangelist or reformer. Unfortunately a lot of prejudice exists. You will be handicapped if you arouse it."

This applies within AA as much as without. People sniff this a mile off. What matters is not the principle of whether evangelism or reform should or should not work; what matters is the fact that, with alcoholics, this simply does not work.

It is interesting that Step Four talks about 'grosser handicaps'. Evangelism and reformist tendencies certainly fall within this category. It is not that the carrying of the message and reform are not necessary; it is the direct effecting of change that is in question: we do not change anything by muscle. We change by removing the blocks to change: old ideas, emotions, and attitudes. And we do this in the spirit of Tradition Eleven (attraction not promotion) and Concept XII (discussion, vote, and substantial unanimity).

"So cooperate; never criticize. To be helpful is our only aim."

This is a good general approach to life, applicable with sponsorship, friendship, closer relationships, work, society as a whole. It is a distillation of the programme into a few words.

(1) No one wants someone as old/young/new in sobriety/old in sobriety [fill in the blank] to sponsor them

(2) I'm willing, but no one asks me

(3) It is obviously not God's will, or I would be sponsoring; if God wanted me to sponsor, he would put someone in my life

(4) I am not cut out for sponsorship

(5) I travel a lot

(6) I carry the message through my behaviour: I am a walking Big Book

 (7) I carry the message by going to meetings and sharing

(8) I do other service instead

(9) I do not have time

(10) I do not enjoy it

I saw a discussion recently on whether a comment by a sponsor to a sponsee to the effect of "shut your mouth; you're spreading disease." was kind, loving, necessary, etc.

A couple of things: meetings are for carrying THE message of Alcoholics Anonymous, not exhibitionist venting or soap-boxing. There are plenty of ways of venting before and after.

However, love always trumps truth. As we grow in understanding and effectiveness, we find ways to tell the truth with love.

Love without truth is frothy emotional appeal. Truth without love is clever cruelty.

Sometimes, a sharp poke with the stick of truth without much soft-pedalling will actually do rather a lot of good. Someone said to a friend of mine, "you need to help newcomers. Get your head out of your arse. That is not where they are hiding." But only a lot of experience will show you when and where a quick slap is the most effective way to proceed.

Sometimes, the "I care more about whether you live or die than your feelings" can get turned into a rule not a principle and can be applied arbitrarily. This statement also happens to be true. We need also to consider, however, whether, if we hurt someone's "feelings" too badly, we might not close their ears to the truth anyway.

On the other hand, it is very easy to be killed with kindness, and for the hypersensitive to rule the roost, because of the squawking that ensues when anyone approaches their crap with even a gentle suggestion.

I am someone who cannot afford to  be sensitive about my own crap, because my own crap will kill me, and we have to let go absolutely ... the 1% I am holding on to which I warn you not to even approach with a forked stick is what will be my undoing.

A friend of mine says, "you might as well tell them the truth; they're going to die anyway."

This doesn't mean you have to be cruel to do it.

Listen to Don P. (Aurora, Colorado) on this subject. He is great. He talks about the hypodermic syringe of truth so fine they do not even feel it going in. And holding them still with love.

THAT requires real skill and experience and a hell of a lot of guidance from God.

“Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.” (20:0)

“But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got.” (164:2)

“See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.” (164:2)

“No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.” (84:0)

“Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have—the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.” (124:2)

“If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically.” (102:1)

“Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. “How can I best serve Thee—Thy will (not mine) be done.” These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.” (85:1)

“Giving, rather than getting, will become the guiding principle.” (128:0)

“Father feels he has struck something better than gold. For a time he may try to hug the new treasure to himself. He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product.” (129:0)

"If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets hurt some more." (95:2, 'Alcoholics Anonymous')

Imagine a house full of flammable objects. Imagine a person addicted to the casual or malicious dropping of lit matches.

An ineffective sponsor runs around after the sponsee, installing fire extinguishers, hiding away flammable objects, putting out fires, and tending to the sponsee's burns.

An effective sponsor points out the connection between the dropping of lit matches and the subsequent conflagrations and waits for the call which says, "I cannot stop. Show me how."

"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol." (84:3, 'Alcoholics Anonymous') 

"no axes to grind . . .  these are the conditions we have found most effective" (18:5)

"You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform." (95:1)

"Nothing can come into our experience unless it finds something in us with which it is attuned; and so, to have trouble and difficulty is only a sign that our own mentality needs clearing up; for what you see at any time is nothing but your own concept. There is at this point a grave danger for weak, or vain, or self-righteous people. People others do not treat them just as they would like to be treated, because they do not get consideration that they probably do not deserve, they are often inclined to claim that they are being 'persecuted' on account of their spiritual superiority, and to give themselves absurd airs on this ground. This is a pathetic fallacy. In consequence of the great Law of Life, of which the whole Sermon on the Mount is an exposition, we can get only what belongs to us at any time, and nobody can prevent our getting that; and so all persecution and hindrance are absolutely from within." ('Sermon on the Mount', Emmet Fox)

"The first requirement is that we be convinced that AA run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives—saving the lives of suffering alcoholics—are good. Most people try to carry the AA message by self-propulsion. Each Twelfth-Stepper is like a humble servant who tries to run the whole of the Fellowship; is forever trying to arrange the meeting, group business, the service structure, and the lives of his sponsees in his own way. If only his arrangements would stay put, if only people would work the Steps as he wished, if only people would follow the Big Book not the 'Twelve and Twelve', if only people would carry the message, not the mess, if only people would ditch the therapy-speak, if only people would stop talking about other addictions, AA would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be happy, joyous, and free. AA would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our humble servant may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish, and dishonest. But as with most humans, he is likely to have varied traits.

What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well—his sponsees become disaffected, he gets a reputation in local AA meetings for being a fascist, and local AA is polarised into two self-righteous camps, each convinced the other is wrong. He begins to think AA doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still AA does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of AA if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the alcoholics that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of AA? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?

Our humble servant is self-centred—egocentric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired Twelfth-Stepper who lolls in the Sunshine of the Spirit complaining of the sad state of the Fellowship; the bleeding deacon who sighs over the sins of 'Middle of the Road AA'; politicians and reformers who are sure AA would be Utopia if everyone else would only behave; the deposed group chairman who thinks the group has wronged him; and the Twelfth-Stepper who has lost all credibility and is locked up in the prison of his own judgements. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?

. . . So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making.

. . . We had to quit playing God. It didn't work."

"A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs." (19:1)"The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it." (83:2)

"Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others." (19:4)

"Each group had the right to be wrong" (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Tradition 4:4)

"Love and tolerance of others is our code." (84:2)

"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone—even alcohol." (84:3)

"We do not mean that you have to agree with your husband whenever there is an honest difference of opinion. Just be careful not to disagree in a resentful or critical spirit." (117:3)

"So cooperate; never criticize." (89:3)

"Our best defence in these situations would be no defence whatever—namely, complete silence at the public level." (Concept XII)

"It is of little use to argue and only makes the impasse worse." (126:3)

"If you cooperate, rather than complain, you will find that his excess enthusiasm will tone down." (119:2)

"We find the more one member of the family demands that the others concede to him, the more resentful they become. This makes for discord and unhappiness." (122:1)

"As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived." (66:1)

"Though his family be at fault in many respects, he should not be concerned about that. He should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. Argument and fault-finding are to be avoided like the plague. In many homes this is a difficult thing to do, but it must be done if any results are to be expected. If persisted in for a few months, the effect on a man's family is sure to be great. The most incompatible people discover they have a basis upon which they can meet. Little by little the family may see their own defects and admit them. These can then be discussed in an atmosphere of helpfulness and friendliness." (98:3)

A list of the 'don'ts' in Chapters Seven to Nine. Overly specific instructions have been ignored; what is set out below is a list of general spiritual principles. Duplicates are ignored.

A list of the 'dos' in Chapters Seven to Nine. Overly specific instructions have been ignored; what is set out below is a list of general spiritual principles. Duplicates are ignored.

• Do I have a sponsor who practises the Twelve-Step programme of recovery set out in Alcoholics Anonymous ('Big Book')?
• Is my sponsor taking me through the first nine Steps?
• Which Step am I on? Which part of that Step am I on? What action am I taking today on that Step?
• If I am blocked, is that because I am unclear what to do next, or is the problem lack of willingness?
• How soon can I call my sponsor to discuss what action to take to remove the block?

• Am I practising Step Ten today, throughout the day (see below)?
• Did I carry out the 'when we retire at night' Step Eleven exercise last night (see below)?
• Did I carry out the 'on awakening' Step Eleven exercise this morning (see below)?
• Am I pausing when agitated or doubtful (see below)?
• Am I making and taking every opportunity to give away everything I have learned and been shown in AA to those who are newer or struggling more than me?
• Is there any area where I am not practising Steps Ten to Twelve?

• Am I going to meetings of a fellowship(s) where people have the same addiction(s) as me?
• At those meetings, do people talk as much or more about this solution as they do about the common problem?
• Am I joining in before, during, and after these meetings?
• In between meetings listed in the meetings directory, do I spend time on the phone and in person sharing experience on the solution to our common problem?
• Do I have fellowship with people who are newer, people who are peers, and people with more experience?

• Do I perform group-level service ('unity commitments')?
• Do I perform service which involves carrying the message (sponsorship, helping newcomers understand the basics of the programme, public information/health liaison work, etc.)?
• Do I apply this principle in all my affairs: "Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it," (102:0) and follow through with practical action?

• We continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear, as we go through the day.
• When (not 'if') these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. Note there is no analysis. Do not seek to 'understand' as a method of 'processing' these. Understanding comes automatically from this process. Note that we ask God at once, not at the end of the day.
• We discuss them with someone immediately. Apply this if you are so deeply involved in your own drama you cannot function. Otherwise, get on with being helpful wherever you are.
• We make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.
• Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Take whatever action suggests itself on the basis of this.
• When disturbed, we ask God to show us how to be loving and tolerant. We use love and tolerance as our yardsticks for making decisions and treating others.

• Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Pick the top one of each and resolve to discuss with a sponsor or friend the next morning.
• Do we owe an apology? Make a list of people to apologise or make amends to the next day, where applicable.
• Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Make a list of such matters and whom they will be discussed with.
• Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better?
• Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?
• Be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others.
• Ask God's forgiveness (and know that it will be totally given).
• Inquire (of God) what corrective measures should be taken. Keep it simple (a couple will do). Check them out with someone with more experience in the programme if you are new to this or unsure.

• We ask God to direct our thinking.
• We ask God especially that our thinking be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.
• We consider our plans for the day. If we have none, we ask God to show us how to be useful and draw up plans.
• We consider how the corrective measures from the night before can be applied.
• We ask that God show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindness, and love (83:2).
• We ask God to show us how we can help anyone who is suffering from alcoholism (164:2).
• If we face indecision: we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought, or decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle.
• We pray some set prayers that emphasize the principles of AA.
• We read some spiritual literature and ask God to show us how we can apply it to our day.
• Finally, we pray that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped.

• We ask God for the right thought or action.
• We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show.
• We say to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done."

• Do I want to be free of this anger, resentment, etc?
• Do I want to continue being dominated by the actions of others or my own failings?
• I realise that the person who I think has harmed me is spiritually sick—driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity—just like me. The harm—real or fancied—is not personal. It is an expression of their self-centredness, just like my harm to others.
• I ask God to help me see things from their point of view (the 'entirely different angle') and to show them tolerance, pity, and patience.
• I pray this prayer: "This is/may be a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done." Note that I am the one who needs saving, not him.
• I avoid retaliation or argument (including mentally).
• I ask God to show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of the person.
• When thoughts of the resentment reoccur, I bless the delinquent briefly and get on with my day.

• I realise I am scared because I think I will not gain something or lose something I need to be happy or satisfied. Self-reliance has failed me.
• I realise that God can provide whatever I need if I stay close to Him and perform His work well.
• I make the decision to trust infinite God rather than my finite self.
• I make the decision to let Him demonstrate through me what He can do.
• I ask Him to remove my fear and direct my attention to what He would have me be, both in relation to the situation in which the fear is arising, and right here, right now, in the situation I am actually in.

"A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work." (19:1, 'Alcoholics Anonymous')

I have been on both sides of this fence.

I have spent years, since I first came to AA, engaged primarily in my home life, occupation, and affairs, with AA as the place I would drop by to recharge my batteries. I would help people whenever they asked, but I did not get asked very often.

Three or four years ago, with double-digit sobriety, I found myself with a full and rich life. I had a career, with my own business, and I taught that career at postgraduate level at a local university. Partner. Home life. Friends. Hobbies galore. Active involvement in a religious community. I was pretty happy.

Then I took Step Three again.

What is remarkable about Step Three is its ability to unleash a chain of events one could not possibly predict that transform one's life from the inside, not the outside.

And my life has, indeed, been transformed. Many of the externals look exactly the same. But I spend vastly more time involved in AA than I did even two years ago. I do not attend a huge number of official AA meetings, typically three a week. But I have the privilege of spending a lot of my time working with other alcoholics.

This passage from the Big Book is fascinating, because it contains a paradox and a tension. Firstly, more important than the working of the Steps is how they (together with the Traditions and the Concepts) are applied in every area of our lives. Absolutely. And I do have an external life which functions very well and affords me a lot of happiness, thank you, due to application of the Steps. But this passage also presents those who can give nearly all their time to the work as being (by implication, particularly) fortunate.

Elsewhere in the Book (89:2), there is a description of frequent contact with each other and with newcomers being the bright spot of our lives. I have a number of bright spots, both in and out of AA. But the bright spot of contact with other AAs using all three sides of the triangle as the design for living that works in rough going (15:1) and with newcomers is something very special and irreplaceable to me.

Sometimes, AA is presented as a necessary evil, something to get through and get out of as quickly as possible, the real mark of success being arriving at a point where you drop in to help out whilst 'real life' goes on somewhere 'out there'—AA is the 'bridge to normal living', we are told.

Sometimes, people talk about their AA friends as though they are second-class friends, as though having friends in AA is making do with second-best, somehow, and as though people not in AA are the 'real' friends. There can be subtle condemnation of those who, after years of sobriety, still devote large chunks of their life to AA, as though they (we) are doing this because (they) we cannot make our way in or are avoiding the outside world.

My perspective is different.

I came to AA at twenty-one as a seriously screwed drunk with zero life skills and an emotional profile, character traits, and behaviour patterns that qualified me for a number of psychiatric diagnoses. God through AA kept me sober and taught me how to live. There are times that I give to AA because I am in serious spiritual trouble and AA work reconnects me to God faster than anything. I would always, I hope, give to AA in order to repay the debt I owe to those who helped me. There are, however, three other reasons.

Firstly, "We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free." (133:0) AA work gives me happiness and joy. And I am entirely free. There is no sense of onerous, external compulsion.

Secondly, there is work to be done. Someone who was criticised for sponsoring a lot of people responded, "if you would sponsor a few more people, I would not have to sponsor so many." If we who have the solution do not pass it on freely, who will?

Thirdly, there is the matter of Divine guidance. "Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world no matter what your present circumstances." Interesting word, 'dictates'. I have sought out paths of usefulness in different directions, primarily work and through a religious community. I have prayed and meditated a lot on where my path lies. And what has come to me in prayer and meditation again and again, expressed through the conscience I am supposed to consult and the inspiration and the intuitive thought I am supposed to rely on, the God-consciousness we are told will come to us in Step Ten, is that I must serve God where I am most useful. And I am led back again and again to the Twelfth Step within AA. The obligation is not externally imposed, it is compliance with the guidance of my spirit, which I would disregard at my peril.

I do not choose how and where I get offered opportunities for service. I am over-subscribed: I would need several lifetimes simultaneously to fulfil all of the demands and meet all of the requests that come my way in different parts of my life. This is not a testament to any special skill or aptitude on my part. Quite the reverse. AA's promise of increasing usefulness has come abundantly true for me, and I can take no credit for it. And the usefulness, in AA, lies more in how dark a place I have been rescued from than in any achievement of mine.

What I cannot do is see the work that must take place in AA as second-rate or second-class, somehow separate from 'real life', as it can sometimes be regarded.

"We would like it understood that our alcoholic work is an avocation." (xiii:2)

"An avocation is an activity that a person does as a hobby outside their main occupation. There are many examples of people whose profession was the way they made a living, but whose activities outside their workplace were their true passion in life." (Wikipedia)

I have friends who do great service in AA but whose avocation—their true passion in life—lies outside AA. This is good, true, and right.

I, however, count myself as someone fortunate enough to be able to spend a lot of time in Twelfth Step work within AA. For now, this is a true passion. And no less valid because it lies within, not outside AA. AA is not separate from the world—every life saved, every life enabled by our collective Twelfth-Step work within AA is a massive contribution to the outside world. If we—the fellowship of AA as part of the human race—are an organic whole, all children of a living Creator, the job is not each to occupy the same role, with the same balance between the various aspects of Step Twelve replicated in each individual, but to discover our particular mission at any given point in time.

Clint H. would describe our mission as lying at the intersection between what I have to offer and what the world needs. If my phone stops ringing and calls from AA stop coming in, I will look elsewhere for ways to fulfil my mission, for ways to serve God. Until then, I am growing where I am planted, and perfectly happy and proud to be one of the fortunates described in the opening paragraph.

I've been sober in AA for over seventeen years, and Al-Anon really helps.

Sometimes someone you are sponsoring and who, apparently, has been 'doing everything right' relapses. I have had this experience myself with my own alcoholism (and other neat addictive patterns over the years).

Unless my surrender is unconditional, the 97% of me that has surrendered will be periodically sabotaged by the 3% that has not, which has strewn landmines throughout what looks, superficially, like recovery. Until that 3% has been surrendered, all other activity is dancing blithely in an unmarked minefield.

What helps was looking at conditions I am placing on my sobriety, such as these:

• I will stay sober as long as it is not too painful.
• I will stay sober as long as God removes the obsession to drink without any effort on my part.
• I will stay sober as long as I get what I want when and how I want it.
• I will stay sober as long as 'he' stays.
• I will stay sober as long as I keep my job.
• I will stay sober as long as it is convenient.

"Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job—wife or no wife—we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God." (98:1, Alcoholics Anonymous)

I have to want sobriety for its own sake, come what may, and cost what it may. Only then will anything be achieved.

The big question in Step Twelve is how to help someone else reach that point.

The Big Book is jam-packed full of warnings and pieces of advice generated from experience of what kills people and what saves their lives.

". . . never force yourself upon him. Neither should the family hysterically plead with him to do anything . . . but urge them not to be over-anxious, for that might spoil matters." (90:4)

"If your man needs hospitalization, he should have it, but not forcibly unless he is violent." (91:1)

"Under these conditions your prospect will see he is under no pressure. He will feel he can deal with you without being nagged by his family. . . He may be more receptive when depressed." (91:2)

"Make it clear that he is not under pressure . . ." (94:1)

"If your talk has been sane, quiet, and full of human understanding . . ." (94:1)

"Do not wear out your welcome." (95:1)

"Never talk down to an alcoholic . . ." (95:1)

"He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God, the desire must come from within." (95:3)

"The first principle of success is that you should never be angry . . . patience and good temper are most necessary." (111:1)

"Our next thought is that you should never tell him what he must do about his drinking. If he gets the idea that you are a nag or a killjoy, your chance of accomplishing anything useful may be zero. He will use that as an excuse to drink more. He will tell you he is misunderstood." (111:2)

"Do not set your heart on reforming your husband." (111:3)

The Book really does speak for itself: no one could bring about my rock bottom and ensuing surrender. What people were capable of doing, however, was of obstructing that rock bottom in one of two ways.

The nags and killjoys

When I am nagging a sponsee, I become the focus of his attention, because I am getting in his way. Rather than him seeing and facing the consequences of his own actions or inaction, I become the distraction, the thorn in the side. I create resentment within him, which, as we know, is fatal to an alcoholic, and impede his progress towards his rock bottom. What I am really doing in such situations is attempting to exert my will that he stay sober and force sobriety or recovery on him, because I find his self-destruction and my own powerlessness uncomfortable. In my own alanonism, I will choose guilt over powerlessness and imagine I live in a world where, if only I explain things carefully enough and take charge of the situation, I will conjure his recovery, and guess who will get the credit? Old, reliable, wise, sane, rational, insightful, organised me! I'm essentially after my own credit. Sure, I care about the person, but what God's will is as far as his best and quickest path to surrender takes second place to my own Little Plans and Designs for him.

If there is any anger in me, I am useless—it means that I am trying to impose my will and failing.

If there is no compassion in me, I can achieve nothing, because God's love will not flow through the thin, pursed lips of judgement.

What are my faults in this case?

Presumption: "preference for our own ideas, customs, schemes, or techniques. . . Failure to recognise our job as a divine vocation or to offer our work to God. Unwillingness to surrender to and abide in God, to let him act in and through us. Failure to offer to God regularly in intercession the persons or causes that . . . should enlist our interest and support"

Arrogance: "insisting that others conform to our wishes, recognise our leadership . . . Being overbearing, argumentative, opinionated, obstinate."

Domination: "insistence that they conform to our ideal for them contrary to their own vocation. Imposing our will on others by force, guile, whining, or refusal to cooperate. Over-readiness to advise or command; abuse of authority. . . considering ourselves ill-used when others' . . . compliance is not for sale." (St Augustine Prayer Book, sacraments of penance)

Worst of all: I am preventing the alcoholic from reaching his rock bottom. I am aiding in his destruction.

The nurse for the sprees

At the other extreme, I will see someone suffering—even dying—and want to stick an emotional or practical elastoplast on the situation.

"Can we really delude ourselves into believing that such stop-gaps will work? Do we imagine they will do anything but prolong the alcoholic agony, since we know the disease is progressive? We would do well to realize that the inevitable collapse may be far worse than if we had allowed him to face up to his own responsibilities and mistakes, free of our interference.

If I take no part in protecting the alcoholic from the consequences of his drinking, and allow disaster to overtake him, then the responsibility for what happens is not mine. I should not create a crisis to "bring the alcoholic to his senses"—but I must have the courage to keep hands off and let the crisis happen.

. . . I will leave to Him whatever action is to be taken, and guard against interfering with the working out of His plan for us." (One Day At A Time In Al-Anon, 7 April)

Truth is, every time I nurse someone away from the brink, I am preventing the rock bottom from happening, and thus preventing absolute surrender to God. I may be killing him.

To quote Don P.:

"I was killing him with my own version of love. I kept rescuing him. In the middle of his life lessons I was rescuing him. And if you cut someone off in the middle, they don't get to start in the middle and finish, they have to go all the way back to the beginning and start over again. And that's not love. In my hands he was surely dead. In God's hands he had maybe one chance in a thousand. At least he had a chance."

* * * * *

"I recognise balance when I swing right past it"

How do I know where helping stops helping or where detachment becomes cruelty?

This is not about what is right and wrong. This is not about legalism.

The only question is 'what spirit am I walking in?'

Am I walking in patience, tolerance, understanding, and love (118:2) or in revenge, attack, control, or a quest for manifesting the mental illusion of power in my life and in the lives of those around me?

If I am not walking in patience, tolerance, understanding, and love, I am playing God. Period. And that is blocking God from playing God—being the only and single source of all knowledge and power to bring inspiration, direction, and strength into the life of the person I am trying to help.

Am I following the spirit of God inside me or my human intelligence?

Am I following the programme or am I following personalities?

* * * * *

Worked example

This week, I have had to watch someone I care about approach the brink of death, without interference, in order that the path he was following be followed to its natural conclusion. To rescue would have been to deny to him the lesson lying at the end of the path and to obscure to him the true nature of the path he was on.

Do this, and, for a while, he will royally hate you for it. And you will have to be prepared for the worst.

I must know I am on the floor before I can ask God to lift me up. I must not prevent another from falling, because how else will he ask for God's help with no reservation?

Sometimes, there will be blood. But I surely do not want blood on my hands for loving an alcoholic to death—through refusing to let him reach, through suffering, the absolute surrender to the only power that can save us: the God that lives within us and within every atom of the universe. I dare not become the human shield protecting the disease, preventing the swift, firm, and decisive action of God in the lives of others.

When, after many years in AA, I was finally introduced to the AA programme set out in the Big Book by people who had been applying the programme for decades, my life was revolutionised and I was set on a path allowing apparently limitless spiritual expansion. "Happy, joyous, and free" (133:0, 'Alcoholics Anonymous') was no longer an empty platitude but the most accurate way of describing the new state into which I had been brought by a God in whom, just weeks earlier, I had not believed as anything more than an abstract cipher.

However, I developed a fresh new resentment—as my past was cleared, a fresh illusion rushed in. It was exhilarating. All of a sudden, I had a target for my frustration at my years of unhappiness in AA (despite a lot of footwork and willingness on my part). I was then thrilled to discover that this fresh new resentment was socially acceptable amongst many people working out of the Big Book. The target of the resentment—'middle of the road AA'. The unspoken definition of 'middle of the road AA'—anyone but 'us'; the definition of 'us'—the people of the Book: the light, the truth, the way.

This resentment was a dubious path (49:2) born of vanity (49:1).

The vanity lay in the belief that I could take credit for the gifts of insight and grace (= the power to choose God over self) and therefore blame those without the gifts of insight and grace. The truth: if what I had received—a growing understanding of the programme and the power to start implementing it at depth—was a gift, how could I blame anyone else for not having received it?

Even worse than this was the vanity that any insight given to me was the only insight worth having and any insight given to you was worthless—the vanity of believing that I was privy to the only path up the mountain to God.

This particular form of spiritual pride and the requisite tolerance as an antidote thereto is perhaps best illustrated as follows:

"I am reminded in this connection of the picture of a hub with its radiating spokes. We all start at the outer circumference and approach our destination by one of many routes. To say that one spoke is much better than all the other spokes is true only in the sense of its being best suited to you as an individual. Human nature is such that without some degree of tolerance, each one of us might be inclined to believe that we have found the best or perhaps the shortest spoke. Without some tolerance we might tend to become a bit smug or superior—which of course is not helpful to the person we are trying to help, and may be quite painful or obnoxious to others. No one of us wishes to do anything which might act as a deterrent to the advancement of another—and a patronizing attitude can readily slow up this process. Tolerance furnishes, as a by-product, a greater freedom from the tendency to cling to preconceived ideas and stubbornly adhered-to opinions. In other words it often promotes an open-mindedness which is vastly important—in fact a prerequisite to the successful termination of any line of search, whether it be scientific or spiritual. These, then, are a few of the reasons why an attempt to acquire tolerance should be made by each one of us." (Dr Bob, 1944)

This resentment was also a dubious luxury (66:2). The luxury element lay in the cushioned smugness of being 'right'. What overshadowed the momentary luxury, however, was the price: "[A] life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness." (66:1)

Unhappiness: certainly true; the grumbling, sniping, and fulminating left me separated and sour.

But futility? Surely it is my job to bring as many people as possible to the 'truth' of how most effectively to apply the AA programme in order to recover from alcoholism?

A man said to me in a recent Step Five, "how many people have you condemned to death because they disagree with you?" This hit home hard. I am still alive today because people who had recovered from alcoholism approached me with the solution, not with sniping, not with condemnation, not with finger-wagging, not with self-righteous criticism of how I was operating in AA, but with love and tolerance as the spoonfuls of sugar enabling the truth to be swallowed.

The way I was operating in AA—believing I was the shield and buckler of 'Big Book truth'—was grossly handicapping my effectiveness.

My faults:

• I was not attuned to the welfare of others (161:2).

• I was not putting myself in the place of those I wanted to help, to see how I would like to be approached if the tables were turned (90:1).

• I was criticising rather than cooperating (89:3).

• I was imbued with a spirit of intolerance which was repellent to "alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity" (103:1).

• I was of little use, as my attitude was one of bitterness or hostility—and (ex-)drinkers were not standing for it (103:2).

• I had certainly not stopped fighting anybody or anything (103:3)—I was on the warpath against certain people, certain institutions (particular AA meetings), and many, many principles (AA slogans and advice).

• I was not letting people see that I wanted to be helpful rather than critical (111:4).

• I was not following the first principle of success—that I should never be angry (111:1).

• I was neither patient nor of good temper (111:1).

• I was exhibiting a passion for crusade and reform—I was talking down to people from a moral and spiritual hilltop (95:1).

• I was promoting, not attracting (Tradition Eleven).

In fact, the list of principles set out in the first 164 pages that I was actively flouting is pretty endless. To sum up: love and tolerance (84:2) of anyone in AA not believing or acting precisely as I did was not my code.

So, what does work?

My defects of character have certainly not been eliminated in their entirety, let me hasten to add. I fall short and fall flat on my face on a regular basis. But I have indeed learned a little bit more about what is effective in carrying the message.

I largely try and stick to this (58:1):

• What I (not 'it') was like.

• What happened to me (93:0)—how I was brought into a way of living infinitely more satisfying and useful than the life I had been living before (43:0). Me—as the passive recipient of insight and grace. Even my willingness (which forms the basis for action) is a gift for which I can take no genuine credit.

• What I am like now—not what I believe, what I think, what I judge to be right and wrong, etc. The more I conceal the joy in my life under a carapace of smug superiority and contempt, the less true to the gift I am.

If what I am like is not attractive, what I have to offer will be of no interest, period. It does not matter, then, what is true or not true—no one is being helped, least of all me, because I have cut myself off from the one Power that keeps me sober by cutting myself off from you.

To sum up, all I have to do is follow the instructions on p. 51:0.

"Once confused and baffled by the seeming futility of existence, they show the underlying reasons why they were making heavy going of life. Leaving aside the drink question, they tell why living was so unsatisfactory. They show how the change came over them. When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith."

There is no place in this for criticism, intolerance, or condemnation.

(My) resentment is the number one killer. Not just of me, but of those I would help of God's Power, Love, and Way of Life (63:2).

"The slightest sign of fear or intolerance may lessen your husband's chance of recovery." (120:2)

Fear—of what would have become of me had the message not been carried to me—and intolerance—of anyone or anything or any principle in the fellowship of AA as a whole must be extirpated—cut out at its root—if I am to be of maximum service to God and the people around me (77:0).

In rereading this, I realise how much further I have to go towards this ideal. I thank God, therefore, that all that is required, if we make mistakes, is that we have the honest desire to let God take us to better things (70:1).

"All Powerful, Guiding, Creative Intelligence" (49:0, Alcoholics Anonymous)

"Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power." (85:2)

If God is the source of all knowledge and power (= truth and love), my only problem is accessing that knowledge and power.

Most difficulty in my life has flowed from muddling the source, the channel, and the product. All goodness that has come to me—knowledge and power, truth and love—does indeed come from God, but I get attached to and fall for the channel (often an individual or situation temporarily granted 'channel status' in my life). I think I am infatuated with or dependent on the channel, when, in fact, my yearning relates chiefly to the product. Like a dog, I will wag my tail at anyone who will throw me a bone. Then, for whatever reason, that channel dries up, the individual or situation ceases to be a channel—for me—of knowledge and power, truth and love, and I blame the channel. This is like blaming the light switch for a power failure further up the line.

The truth is this: if God truly is big, strong, clever, resourceful, creative, and caring, I have to trust that God's Scoobie Snacks are indeed still available—I just need to look elsewhere for the channel and become ready to receive.

When I was newer in the programme, I was largely a recipient of knowledge and power, truth and love, indirectly through other people, rather than directly from God.

Pretty soon, however, the relationship with the power, the channel, and the source, had to start changing.

Today, the model is this:

God is an infinite reservoir of knowledge and power, truth and love.

I am (we are) the channel(s) between God-As-Source (the realm of the spirit) and the realm of the material (God-As-Manifestation). Like pipes connecting the reservoir with the world, knowledge and power, truth and love flow through us.

"trust in God and clean house" (98:2)

I came to AA like a clogged pipe. I was blocked with resentment, fear, and guilt & shame at past conduct. I tried turning on the outlet tap at the bottom of the pipe to let this out but could not, on my own power, release this poison. The first order of the day is to trust in God—opening the inlet tap at the top of the pipe to connect me to the infinite reservoir of knowledge and power, truth and love. That requires trust. Simple physics does the rest, though. Once the inlet tap was opened at the top, flow was possible, and all of the resentment, fear, and guilt & shame started to flow out of me. Steps Four through Nine start to ease loose the accumulated residues, but, essentially, the natural force of gravity—the weight of heaven that desires nothing more than to descend to earth ("Bow thy heavens, O Lord, and come down." (Psalm 144:5))—does the work.

So, I am now connected with the power at the top end; the channel is unclogged.

What next?

"work and self-sacrifice for others" (15:0)

"My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems." (15:1)

This, effectively, is keeping the tap at the bottom of the pipe open at all times, to let God's knowledge and power, truth and love flow through me.

Trouble is, selfishness gets in the way. I become scared that God is something less than the infinite reservoir of knowledge and power, truth and love, and decide I need to hold on to the water flowing through me, in case I run out ("he may try to hug the new treasure to himself." (129:0))

A second problem: spiritual pride. I decide who should be the recipient of what I have to offer; I discriminate; I become a 'respecter of persons'; I ration, hold back, try to direct the flow as I see fit. And the outlet tap at the bottom of the pipe gradually gets turned off.

I stop sensing the inflow of knowledge and power, truth and love at the top, and become still more selfish and still more discriminating, as fear of lack and limitation cause me to become defensive. Pretty soon, I am giving nothing and receiving nothing. Once I am in lack and limitation, the fallacy that I need to receive by grasping—by wresting happiness and satisfaction from this world (61:1)—takes hold once more.

What is worse, the small, residual quantity of knowledge and power, love and truth—the standing water in the pipe—becomes stagnant and sour. Then I am really in trouble.

The answer is counter-intuitive. In the realm of the material, anything hungry needs feeding. In the realm of the spirit, anything hungry may need, instead, to feed rather than to be fed, to be fed by feeding. The answer, if I am feeling no inflow at the top, is to turn back on the outflow at the bottom, to let out the small amount of knowledge and power, love and truth I have left.

I need to give up my last ounce, to give everything I have, not out of my abundance, but out of my poverty.

"And he looked up, and saw the rich men casting their gifts into the treasury. And he saw also a certain poor widow casting in thither two mites. And he said, Of a truth I say unto you, that this poor widow hath cast in more than they all: For all these have of their abundance cast in unto the offerings of God: but she of her penury hath cast in all the living that she had." (Luke 21:1–4)

I need to give everything I have to those around me. All of my time, all of my thought, all of my energy.

"He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines if for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product." (129:0)

This is the fate of the servant who does not invest the gifts of his master but tries to hold onto them out of fear that God will not provide:

"For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth." (Matthew 25:29–30)

As soon as the flow out of me starts, as soon as the tap at the bottom of the pipe is turned on, gravity does its work, and heaven comes down to earth through me.

Finally, the last, great mistake is this: I believed that the "pure river of the water of life, clear as crystal" (Revelation 22:1) was the joy itself, the inheritance, that for which I was working, the purpose behind the Steps.

I have learned that the joy is not in the presence of the water of life in me but the flow of that water through me.

Moreover that flow works both ways: as I love, I am loved, not only through the flow of love into me directly from God but as reflected back at me when I work with others. That is what has healed me: the love I have received from others has chiefly been love reflected back at me that I have channelled to them, with God as the original source.

"Show him these things in yourself and they will be reflected back to you from him." (118:2)

As long as I remember that God is the source, I will always be secure, because the love I receive from the world starts with the love I give to the world, and no one can cut off my connection with the source of that love but me.

"We think it dangerous if he rushes headlong at his economic problems. The family will be affected also, pleasantly at first, as they feel their money troubles are about to be solved, then not so pleasantly as they find themselves neglected. Dad may be tired at night and preoccupied by day. He may take small interest in the children and may show irritation when reproved for his delinquencies. If not irritable, he may seem dull and boring, not gay and affectionate as the family would like him to be. Mother may complain of inattention. They are all disappointed, and often let him feel it. Beginning which such complaints, a barrier arises. He is straining every nerve to make up for list time. He is striving to recover fortune and reputation and feels he is doing very well.

Sometimes mother and children don't think so. Having been neglected and misused in the past, they think father owes the more than they are getting. They want him to make a fuss over them. They expect him to give them the nice times they used to have before he drank so much, and to show his contrition for what they suffered. But dad doesn't give freely of himself. Resentment grows. He becomes still less communicative. Sometimes he explodes over a trifle. The family is mystified. They criticize, pointing out how he is falling down on his spiritual program." (126:1–2, 'Alcoholics Anonymous')

"A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs." (19:1)

"There had been a humble willingness to have Him with me and He came. But soon the presence had been blotted out by worldly clamors, mostly those within myself. And so it had been ever since. How blind I had been." (12:6)

If I am not practising the programme in the home, I am in serious trouble. I am given inspiration, strength, and direction not to pursue my obsessions but to do God's will, which is my true heart's desire. And that will lie principally in my role in the lives of people around me, outside AA and inside AA, although I will probably not realise that at the time.

Trouble is, I have Little Plans and Designs (63:1). If I get over-involved in these Little Plans and Designs, I will neglect my true purpose. The harm that I do is always two-fold: I am doing harm in the place where I am but should not be, and I am doing harm in the place where I am not but should be. When the clamours of these Little Plans and Designs get loud enough, the voice of God is drowned out, and with it the connection with the spirit within me that will pull be back from the brink, from the drink, from the other 'stuff' that'll kill me in those mental blank spots.

This little inventory, based on page 126, can serve as a Worldly Clamours diagnostic tool—not by focusing on the Little Plans and Designs (as is the case with the Step Three Requirement inventory and the Step Four inventory) but on the knock-on effects in my home life of absorption in such plans. The inventory can also be applied to AA life, with a bit of adjustment: the family dissensions (117:3) can be in the AA family, too.

1. Am I tired at night and preoccupied by day?
2. Do I take little interest in my family/flatmates/close friends/AA family?
3. Do I show irritation when reproved for my delinquencies?
4. Am I dull and boring with my family/flatmates/close friends/AA family?
5. Do they complain of inattention? Are they disappointed?
6. Am I straining every nerve to make up for lost time? Am I striving to recover fortune and reputation? (Am I putting so much time into AA that I am neglecting my job, family, and other responsibilities?)
7. Do I make a fuss over family/flatmates/close friends/AA family? Do I give them 'nice times'?
8. Do I show contrition for the suffering I have caused them in the past—or am causing them now?
9. Do I give freely of myself?
10. Is resentment growing—on my part or theirs?
11. Am I withdrawing—becoming less communicative?
12. Do I explode over a trifle?

We are extreme people, and the pendulum can easily swing too far. This inventory, with any luck, will go some way to relieving the 'blindness' (or, more properly, deafness) caused by worldly clamours.

[Quotations from 'Alcoholics Anonymous']

"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves." (58:1)

"We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you." (96:1)

"Some men cannot or will not get over alcoholism." (114:2)

When I came to AA, I was in bad shape. Bleeding and on fire, as it were. People rushed round, staunched the bleeding, and used the fire extinguisher on me. The relief was wonderful. AA seemed terribly easy. You feel bad, you go to a meeting, and you get relief. I soon found that relief could be found by expressing at meetings what was going on for me. Other people propped me up, reassured me, and told me everything would be fine. It worked, it really did!

". . . hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did—then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen—Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair." (151:2)

[OK, the passage is about 'sordid places' and drinking, but it is amazing how well the passages in the Big Book about alcoholic drinking equally well describe alcoholic thinking.]

Anyway, keyword: momentarily. Sometimes on the way home from the meeting, sometimes the next day, I would be in as bad a state, about precisely the same problem from which I had sought and gained relief, and off I would trot to my meeting, carrying my fear, my low self-worth, whatever my ten-ton anchor du jour was, hoping to leave it there, not realising it was tied to my ankle.

"This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery." (xxix:0)

[Ha! Another passage about drinking that seems neatly to describe a mode of sobriety.]

Relief and recovery are not the same. Relief is a temporary lift. Recovery involves a permanent change (27:4—"Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.")

[Usual disclaimer at this point about the need for constant maintenance and growth: we are not cured, cf. 85:1.]

I have long spent periods since I came to AA seeking relief but not recovery, and I am frankly lucky not to have slipped from God's grace and drunk, because so many friends who have fallen into the same trap are now, themselves, drunk or dead. And today, sadly, I see a lot of other people who "cannot or will not recover", who cannot or will not take the actions set out in the Book, suggested (i.e. offered freely with no coercion) as a programme of recovery (59:2). By contrast, as stated on page 58, "rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path." (In my case, 'never', but the 'rarely' vs 'never' discussion will have to wait for another day.)

The Book is hesitant to determine definitively why not everyone succeeds in AA. This class of punter—"cannot or will not"—is alluded to on three occasions that I can find (see above). The question of whether, individually, they are unable or unwilling is not answered fully on any of these three occasions. The nearest we get is this: "usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves," (58:1) which seems to suggest the former.

Sadly, the phenomenon is common. Even some of the people that wrote the Book died drunk, having later eschewed the disciplines they earlier espoused, thereby proving the principle they had propounded so vehemently: "For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that." (14:6)

Having spent so much time NOT recovering whilst attending AA meetings with great regularity, I can share with you what my 'blocks' were to "going to it" (cf. 75:2)—to getting on with the programme, fearlessly, thoroughly, and "now" (59:1)—rather than 'getting round to it' in my own sweet time (aka 'never').

(1) Not believing that drinking again is particular dangerous, so "what's the rush?!" (Problem: not understanding the physical craving, cf. 32:2—"gathering all his forces, he attempted to stop altogether and found he could not . . . he went to pieces quickly and was dead within four years.")

Ignorance and self-delusion.

(2) Believing that, because today 'I do not want to drink and remember where I came from', I am necessarily immune from the first drink. (Problem: not understanding the mental obsession, cf. 24:2—"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defence against the first drink.")

Ignorance and self-delusion.

(3) Not believing that I need to maintain and grow a spiritual experience (the 'hope' of the alcoholic, cf. 66:1) in order to avoid falling between commas ("at certain times"—the mental obsession) and drinking again.

Ignorance and self-delusion.

(4) Believing that I can rely on warning signs to prompt me to vigorous action should the mental obsession loom—not believing that it arrives suddenly (cf. Jim's story, 36:2) and that, once it has arrived, I am on the other side of the looking-glass and it is already too late.

Ignorance and self-delusion.

(5) Believing that the codes of morals and better philosophy of life (cf. 44:4) fostered in AA meetings are sufficient without vigorous action to strip away that which separates me from God.

Ignorance and self-delusion.

(6) Believing that, whilst God, sought and found through the Twelve Steps, will keep others' egos at bay and therefore keep them sober, He is not powerful enough to keep me sober: 'God is more powerful than everyone else's egos, but my ego is more powerful than God'.

Delusions of grandeur.

(7) Believing that God must be sought through the Twelve Steps to ensure sobriety but not, when push comes to shove, believing in their sufficiency to solve what strike me as gargantuan and super-complex problems in my life. I will thus wait until they are solved or at least on their way to being solved before embarking on your paltry little Steps—I then avoid seeking that which can solve my problem (cf. 45:2 and 62:1—"Selfishness—self-centeredness") until the problem in all its manifestations is solved.

This is a particularly pernicious trap. To quote Charles H. Spurgeon, "If thou has made some difficulties for thyself, if thou art such a fool as to be tying knots and wanting to get them untied before thou wilt believe in [God], then I have nothing to say to thee, except it were, beware lest thou dost tie a knot that shall destroy thy soul."

Ignorance and self-delusion.

(8) Believing that God must be sought through the Twelve Steps to ensure sobriety but being scared that the Steps will involve so much pain I will be blown apart.

Plain, ol' fear.

The first seven of these problems may be amenable to logical discussion. The eighth is tricky. And it is the eighth that requires genuine faith, faith, for these purposes, being defined as 'the courage to take the action to give me the experience to take me from the belief (in my mind) that God exists to the knowledge (in my heart) that God is all-powerful and -loving'.

The Steps, it is true, are a consuming fire that burns away everything that is not the true self; with the illusions, delusions, and obsessions that are stripped away, many 'externals' (people, places, and things to which you are apparently glued in your heart and mind) are also swept away like matchstick pagodas in a monsoon. However, to quote Luke 21:18 "But there shall not an hair of your head perish."

The faith required, the sleight of hand, is this: no matter what difficulties are presented, no matter what emotions spring to the surface as a result of the Steps, YOU will not be harmed, even if your external life is subject to alarming seismic movements.

Which brings me to the relationship between my Step Twelve and the Steps One and Two of someone I am working with. The prospect will only have the faith and courage to take Step Three (and follow through with the other nine Steps) if the ignorance, self-delusion, delusions of grandeur, and plain ol' fear blocking the first two Steps are relieved, dismantled, or at least temporarily set aside.

Thus, cf. 55:4: "We can only clear the ground a bit. If our testimony helps sweep away prejudice, enables you to think honestly, encourages you to search diligently within yourself, then, if you wish, you can join us on the Broad Highway. With this attitude you cannot fail. The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you."

My Step Twelve, in this case, is to testify (cf. above—"testimony") the experience of what I was like, what happened, and what I am like now. Note I am the passive recipient of grace which enables me to take the actions necessary to maintain my connection with God. All that is really required is enough willingness to ask persistently with faith that it shall be given.

"Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7)

Ultimately, "when many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith." (51:0)

Thus, a lot of testimony may be necessary before prospect comes to believe (a) "in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it" (25:1) and (b) "that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity" (59:4).

HOWEVER: I, as a member of AA, am responsible merely for testifying. I am not responsible for the results. I am not responsible for whether a particular prospects 'gets it', makes a decision, and gets on with the Steps. The most trouble I get into is when I try and force this and, rather than letting God demonstrate, through me, what He can do (68:3), develop Little Plans and Designs (63:1) for someone else's recovery.

Stop it! Stop it! (As I was recently told.)

"And go, get you to the captives, to the children of your people, and speak to them and tell them, Thus says the Lord God, whether they will hear or refuse to hear." (Ezekiel 4:11)

Testify—whether they will hear or refuse to hear—, make sure the door is always open, and leave the prospect to walk through it—or not.

Ultimately, another alcoholic's ability or willingness—or lack thereof—is not for me to fathom.

Adapted from Oswald Chambers, 'My Utmost for His Highest', 24 March 2010

"If you become a necessity to a soul, you are out of God's order. As a worker, your great responsibility is to be a friend of the Bridegroom. When once you see a soul in sight of the claims of God, you know that your influence has been in the right direction, and instead of putting out a hand to prevent the throes, pray that they grow ten times stronger until there is no power on earth or in hell that can hold that soul away from God. Over and over again, we become amateur providences, we come in and prevent God; and say – 'This and that must not be.' Instead of proving friends of the Bridegroom, we put our sympathy in the way, and the soul will one day say – 'That one was a thief, he stole my affections from God, and I lost my vision of Him.' "

What terrible resonance this has within AA! With regard to working with others:

"Be certain he … is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections, or shelter. Permit that and you only harm him. You will be making it possible for him to be insincere. You may be aiding in his destruction rather than his recovery." (P. 96:3, 'Alcoholics Anonymous')

"Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God." (P. 99:3)

I have believed, in the past, that my job is to fix the people I work with—to put out fires and to staunch the bleeding.

In doing so, I may be preventing the person from reaching a rock bottom—the realisation that a life run on self-will can hardly be a success. Every time I run in and pick up the emotional pieces, I am effectively encouraging that person to continue along the same path in the sure knowledge that there will be someone running after them with a dustpan and brush, a roll of sticking plaster, or a fire extinguisher.

This not to say that comfort is not given.

I can tell someone, that, if they keep close to God and perform His work well, he will provide all that they need, because He is all powerful. (Cf. p. 63:1)

To me, this is REAL comfort.

But it comes on terms. This promise comes after the condition is met: "When we sincerely took such a position …" The position: God as Director, us as actors, God as the Principal, us as the agents, God as the Father, us as the children, God as the Employer, us as the employee. I add, although it's not in the Book, God as the Potter, us as the clay (a great image from the Hebrew scriptures).

This is the price: the destruction of self-centeredness. To be willing to pay the price, we must be convinced that self-centeredness is a three-legged horse in the Derby of life.

And that conviction, in my case, came through defeat at the hands of my own thinking and actions.

Thank God no one tried to fix me when I was drinking! I was left to my own rock bottom. And, BOOM, I find myself in AA at 21.

So: "and instead of putting out a hand to prevent the throes, pray that they grow ten times stronger until there is no power on earth or in hell that can hold that soul away from God."

Disturb your prospect about the question of alcoholism—drunk or sober. "This is all to the good. The more hopeless he feels, the better. He will be more likely to follow your suggestions." (P. 94:1)

So, I do not prevent the 'throes', but, when a prospect, racked with the torture of untreated alcoholism, finally admits defeat, I need to be on hand with a cup of tea, the Book, and the line, "have a biscuit, dear. Now, let's talk about God."

The Twelfth Step suggests, firstly, that we try to carry this message to other alcoholics, having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, and then that we try to practise these principles in all our affairs.

In AA today, this first element is carried out in great part through the vehicle of sponsorship.

There are many models of sponsorship. Stalin running the Soviet Union is one. As my friend Tom says, with similar results, at times. Then there is the long-suffering Samaritans call-centre model. I've been at the receiving end of this type of sponsorship, and the result was a deepening of my self-absorption, and the perverse satisfaction of having taken someone else hostage in it. Then there is the preacher leading his flock to the New Jerusalem. The land ultimately settled is sometimes not as 'green and pleasant' as the vision would promise, however, and there can be a separation from the rest of AA—or the rest of humanity—and I'm reminded of the creepy preacher from Poltergeist II who leads his followers into an underground cavern where their souls are trapped for eternity.

The image which, right now, best reflects the role is lift attendant.

I am not the power. I am not the light. I just know how to operate the lift, because I was shown, and I can show you the twelve buttons for each of the twelve floors. And I can take you up to the twelfth floor, the roof terrace, where you can see the whole world from a single vantage point, the air is clear, and you are totally free.

If you want to stay on the ground floor—floor zero, be my guest, but I cannot stay down there with you for long. I have a job to do. If you do not want to come up in the lift with me, that is your business. Please make way for someone who does actually want to use the lift. The lift is here, ready, once you are sick of the lobby.

If you think there's anything else in the lift other than the twelve buttons, there is similarly nothing I can do for you. What else is there to press?!

The ground floor is hell. I've been liberated from alcohol and from myself—and that is what hell is, active addiction plus imprisonment in my own thoughts.

The roof terrace is great. But my work is bringing people up from the ground floor. The lower floors of the building are not easy places to be, but I have to go back there to find people who want to escape, because those of us who have been liberated are the only ones who know how to operate the lift. If we do not help, no one else can.

Many people, having been taken up to the roof terrace, just stay there, enjoying the view.

There are times when it feels as though all I am doing day after day is going up and down in the lift.

Self-pity can creep in, as I become jealous of those lounging on the roof terrace.

This is a distortion: even when I am working with others, sometimes, for three or four hours a day, that still leaves a lot of other hours in the day for the rest of what life has to offer.

There's nothing quite like the feeling, however, of knowing that I have been used as one of the channels for effecting change in another person's life. Of knowing that, with each person saved, a new lift is created for people to be delivered from hell.

In those moments, I know 100% that there is an infinite power in the universe, and it is that knowledge that supplies the genuine joy of living. And, without that, the roof terrace is just a roof terrace.

Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, whatever your present circumstances! (P. 100, § 1, Alcoholics Anonymous)

Dictates?! They're just suggestions, aren't they?!

Bill W., in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, tends to use what is termed 'elegant variation', i.e. he employs different words to introduce the same idea. The people we take through the work are not called 'sponsees' in the Book; your chap is referred to as your 'protégé', your 'man', your 'prospect', your 'candidate', and your 'friend'. The Steps are referred to as a set of 'proposals', 'clear-cut directions', 'simple rules', 'simple requirements', and, lastly, 'a suggested programme'. The Book is also referred to as being 'suggestive only'. P. 94 also refers to 'suggestions'.

No one can force me to take on board the proposals, to follow the clear-cut directions, to follow the rules, to adhere to the requirements; that's why the programme is suggested. If I reject the programme, anyone following the directions in the chapter 'WORKING WITH OTHERS' will not put me under pressure, will not be offended, will not push or prod me, and will remain a friend (cf. pp. 94–95).

My experience, however, once I set out on the suggested path, is that, if I want the results set out in the Book, I have to treat what has been suggested as 'directions', 'rules', and 'requirements'. When you're flying a jet, you follow precisely what the instruction manual says; when you're baking a cake, you follow the recipe to the letter; when you are navigating a ship through waters with hidden reefs and shoals, you trust the navigational chart 100%. Deviate at your peril.
To sum up: we suggest you learn to fly your jet to the fourth dimension; we suggest you navigate through these dangerous waters to safe haven; you are quite at liberty to stay precisely where you are, however. We're not pushing you or prodding you. If you actually want to get to the fourth dimension or to safe haven, however, on what basis would you disregard or take a piecemeal approach to the flight manual or navigational chart?
There is another reason why this passage refers to 'dictates'. I am beyond a set of amends; there is no one I owe amends to whom I have not made amends to where such amends are possible. For whole stretches of time in a given day, I am freed of concern with myself, of concern with my self-image, my self-esteem, my wants, my needs, how I'm treated by the world, and my money. What comes through to me 'quiet and clear' (God never shouts) once the 'noisy authorities' of my hydra-headed ego are temporarily decapitated is what must be done.
Dictates. When people approach me looking for help in AA, the choice of what to do is really no choice: this is about life and death, for them, and for me. That doesn't mean I get to take everyone who approaches me through the Steps; quite the contrary: when I can, I do, when I can't, I'll help the person find someone who will take them through the Book. The choice—follow the dictates of the quiet voice within or slope off into the darkness of self-centeredness—is no choice, once you have been given a taste of true freedom.
A big circuit speaker from the largest group in LA says in many of his talks 'nothing stays wonderful for ever'. He speaks well about how every wonderful feeling eventually becomes jaded and dulled over time, how familiarity breeds contempt, and how we simply have to get over our idealism and yearning in order to stay sober.
I understand the point, and I can see the phenomenon in my own life.
However: following the dictates of a Higher Power has resulted, for me, in seeing the world constantly afresh. Freed from the past, freed from the future, freed from myself—in those moments and for those stretches of time when this freedom is mine—there is nothing but the infinitely varying, infinitely captivating, infinitely enthralling universe. There is a religious tradition in which it is held that the world is recreated from nothing, afresh, every instant.
Every morning, from the seat in which I pray and meditate, I look at the same tree. I am never, but never bored by it. I could watch it forever. Try that with people; try looking past what the person represents, the promise or the threat to you they hold out, the prejudices, the preconceived ideas, the judgements, the beliefs, the habits, the categorisations, the memories of what they were like in the past, and see what Mary Oliver would call 'the soft animal' in front of you. And, for a moment, you are in the present, you are presently living in a new and wonderful world, whatever your present circumstances, because those circumstances become the new and wonderful world, ever instant, instant after instant.
The only other thing that allowed me to live so utterly in the moment was alcohol.
Which is why I need a substitute far greater than 'don't drink and go to meetings'.

New Year's Day is supposed to be the beginning of a cycle. Perhaps recalling some original beginning which we lap once a year, like the starting line on an athletics track. Or the start of a path up a mountain.

My New Year's Day is 24 July, recalling 24 July 1993, which was when I was last separated from alcohol. I was done: I had just been released from a police cell in which I had been locked up for being drunk and disorderly; alcohol no longer conjured for me the dream that I was adorable, invincible, and bullet-proof, it merely deepened the terror and bewilderment; I was unable to live life sober, and terrified of dying drunk.

That was the beginning of the cycle, of the lapping round the track, of the path up the mountain.

But it is the last of these three images that best reflects recovery.

The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are presented in vertical form on the page or scroll; they're 'worked' in a sequence; we think of time as linear.

This is a mistake.

I sat in a cheap cafe yesterday evening with someone who has four days of sobriety. We talked about the spiritual disconnection of the unrecovered alcoholic, the inability to feel one's own humanity, the barriers erected between oneself and everyone around, the loneliness and unattainability of the alcoholic in the cage of his or her own ego. And about how alcohol once treated that.

Every time I do the work, which is to take someone else through the considerations and actions set out in the book Alcoholics Anonymous up to page 164, to enable him or her to make conscious contact with the power that is already keeping him or her sober, I am placed back at Step One.

What looks back at me across the table is my own powerlessness over alcohol, and the dark, cold, dank space at the base of the mountain that I myself came from. And the hope, which is the last, cool light left flickering.

Every time I return to the dark side of the mountain on my path to the summit, every time I find myself back at Step One, I am further up the mountain.

My experience of spiritual growth is that it takes the form of a spiral, continually revisiting the same places but from a higher point each time. The landscape below is just as familiar, the dark side of the mountain is just as cold, but progress has been and is being made, and the knowledge of what lies on the other side and above now sustains me, whereas, in the beginning, all I knew was the darkness.

Today, of all days, I should be dead, drunk, mad, or medicated. That, after all, is where real alcoholics end up, sooner or later.

But I'm not.

And I get to start another year.